The Nature of Things

I am back to the Republic

2010-05-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in about 3 years on this blog. In light of not so recent events and recent events, like so many Americans I have recently been awakened. Awakened to a new calling. That is, how to best serve the Republic. Something is wrong. I know that we have a Republic and I know it needs restoration, but I needed to define what that meant.

What is a Republic? Its not much more that a government with Representitives of the people. That is the most basic definition. Our Republic however, has a bit more to it than that. Our founding fathers having been fresh from the monarchy of the Kings England, did something that had never been done before. they did not just draft a Declaration of Independence, where they wrote all their grievences for setting apart from their mother land. They set out to design a Republic that would address each of those grievences and give no man or sect of men the power to accomplish them. This may sound simple, but given how complex humans can be, it was indeed the greatest accomplishment ever. The Isrealites accomlished it, but they had something that the founders did not. True religious uniformity with a populace that feared their maker above all else. Not that they were not without evil or corruption, they did have an excellent system for justice (which our founders drew from). The Anglo-Saxons had something similar. But our founders were taking the next step in government. A free people that could live under the same system without sharing the same religious beliefs. Our founders understood the perils that would eventually coincide with religious uniformity. Not to mention, they had seen how a uniformed religious state was almost always the governing body itself (Kings were first in the eyes of God and thus derived their authority from him). They set out to create a government that operated completely seperate from religion while borrowing the morality that all religions shared. There were certain constants that were derived from all religions equally. These constants became the foundation rather than the religion itself. It was a nobel idea. One that had never been tried. One that made so much sense, that one could forward the idea as common sense.

In summary, if I had to summarize the American idea, it would be the idea to utilize the constant morality that all religions shared as a basis for law to protect the liberties of its people.

Many people say that if our founding fathers could see us now they would be appalled. I think the fact of the matter is that they would hail a victory that the Republic they created was indeed so robust that it has lasted beyond a hundred years. It is indeed a miracle that we still have Democracy, let alone anything left of a Republic. They all knew how fragile it is, and I think we would actually take them by surprise. the founders knew that a Republic was so delicate, that many expected to outlive it.

So what has happened to our dear Republic over the last 200 years? Well, many things, but one of the most influential that effects the result comes from good o'l Ben Franklin's quote -

"When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic"

But I think the most important thing that has happened to our Republic is unavoidable. TIME!

We are now many many generations removed from the revolution. Even a few generations removed from the last danger of Fascism. Our last great danger was in the 1940's and those men that saw the face of Fascism are now dying out. The generation now in power having no danger in sight (so they think) are now the greatest danger of all. They are the elitist and self serving we now elect on a regular basis and have no outside fears to contend with. They are now free to impose their ideas on the masses with no fear of interruption from a greater power than their own. And so they follow the footsteps of history to repeat the mistake that has been made over and over. Their intentions should not be doubted. As any of us with strong belief, they believe their doing the right thing. Social Justice sounds like something that should be implemented. They believe this mainly with cause to a great disease they have caught. It is the disease that plagues many politicians and scientists and professors. It is called Elitism. Elitism is the opposite of Democracy. They know you don't want it, but they also know that you are not as intelligent as they are, therefore they are acting on your behalf (whether you want it or not). They are not imposing their ideology on the people who know better. They are giving their ideology to people of less intellectual capability than they have. They view it as necessary to tell you what you really need, not what you think you need. After all, they know better, they are the educated.

The means???? No worry, the end justifies the means. They will use your children. they will defy your constitution. They will use your misfortune. They will use the tools they have, and they are indeed patient.

I have felt like I have been awakened. I have been learning about my founding fathers. I have been learning about true heroism and honor. The forfeiture of personal life for the liberty of a nation. The greatest thinkers of before our time. I used to be so impressed by the thinking of Einstein, that he could manage to imagine a world where time, space and mass were not constant, only now to be rivaled by our founders. Men that truly understood human nature and knew how to create a system to give liberty without self destruction. Einstein never had to fear his ideas, they brought him fame and fortune. The founders ideas were not only far more powerful than the atomic bomb, but personally put them in danger, their families in danger! They not only had to come up with the ideas, but they had to lead a nation through hell to incorporate them.

And so I owe my life and liberty to those men. The very least I can do is make a fleeting attempt at preservation of their (and our) constitution. Until the first amendment no longer applies I will speak out. There are men in power that think they are bringing us social justice. They are in fact bringing a storm of tyranny. They are unwittingly carrying Fascism concealed in the name of distributive equality. I do believe they started out with good intentions, but as the Fascism grows from their seed of socialism, they will not admit their mistake. No, they will finish the job. In that Process they will awaken true Americans. Patriots will soon be teaming. When faced with the loss of liberty, men will do the most heroic acts. Just as any good man would push their offspring from in front of the speeding car and replace the position with their own body, so will free men risk themselves for the future liberties of their children. I for one am awake. Asleep far too long.
I fully understand many are not yet awake. The loss of liberty has not been hard enough felt yet. It needs to get worse before it can get better. The free market is only stressed and not yet collapsed. The liberties only inconvenienced, and not yet removed. But it is coming. Don't believe me? Think its all going to be alright?
Lets follow it together. Tell me I am wrong. I will welcome the news!

Majic tricks

2007-02-03T13:04:00.000-08:00

15 month old Joshua sits on the floor playing with his magnetic plastic cookie (one of his favorites). When the round cookie is placed in the round hole on the toy tray it plays a little song. Josh examines his plastic cookie in all ways. The taste must be thoroughly checked multiple times. What does it sound like when dropped? Why doesn't it fit where the triangular cookie goes? Josh really gets to know his toy. He rubs it on the top of his face to get a good feel. Then he moves himself to a standing position using the couch to keep his balance, but only with one hand because he must keep cookie with him to hold while standing.
Suddenly poof. . . . . the cookie is gone! It was just in his hand and it vanished right in thin air!. He looks down on the ground, carefully scanning back and forth. He understands that once cookie leaves his hand gravity will inevitably bring it to the floor. But its not there? He looks at his mother with confusion? Where could it have gone? He looks at his hand again, but the cookie is still not there. Eventually he learns to forget about it and let bye goners be bye goners.
See his twin sister has this uncanny ability to snatch things. Really! for a 15 month baby, her hands are quite amazing. I cannot count the times I have carried her from one room to the next and not noticing until I put her down that she has something that was on the counter as we walked by like a spoon or something from the wall like the small wooden sign that says "Moms kitchen". I have been in the middle of eating my cereal on the couch when she manages to snatch my spoon right out of my hand. That's not the half of it. Since she has a twin brother she has also developed the skill of keeping the item she snatched away from anyone trying to get it. This is a skill she learned out of necessity, otherwise Joshua would have everything she ever picked up (he tends to be a little bit bullish like that). So Lilly has learned to twist and turn and maneuver her way about, so as to keep her stolen item opposite whatever side you are on. She can switch hands in a blink of an eye. Always keeping it in whatever hand is furthest from you. Had Lilly not been the twin of a very aggressive boy, I doubt she would have this pretty impressive ability.
So we couldn't help but laugh when Lilly was sitting up on the couch and Josh was standing on the floor leaning against the couch with his toy and Lilly managed to snatch it right out of his hand without him seeing. It was as if stealth baby came in under radar with a move so quick none of us saw it completely.

I am not sure but lilly may be somekind of baby ninja, if only she could walk.

2007-01-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

The idea that religion and politics don't mix, was an idea created by the devil to keep Christians from running their own country - The pastor (who eventually becomes evil) from the HBO series , CARNIVAL

Grades

2007-01-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

"I love my life" - Danielle Fisher 1/30/2007

When your a parent, you have a dream for your children. Many of us want our children to be successful. Get good grades in high school, go to college, get a good job. Maybe a doctor, or a lawyer. How do you measure the quality of your parenting? Perhaps their current grades? Whether or not they stay out of trouble? When you have a 15 year old it can be very tough to know if your doing a good job. I try not to be too invasive. 15 year olds need their privacy. But I still insist on knowing whats going on in her life, although I usually get one word answers, or just an "I don't know". For the most part she is already an adult. Who she is now is really a function of the first 12 or 13 years of her life, although she occasionally needs to be turned in the right direction.
I worry. I mean I really worry. Did I read to her enough? Did I help her with her homework enough? Do I give her too much room to breathe? Not enough? Do I spend enough time with her? Do I tell her "I love you" enough? Does she know how important she is to me? With all the attention we give to our 15 month twins, does my 15 year old get enough of our attention? Does she know we still love her just the same?

On the way home from Walmart tonight, one of her favorite songs came on the radio.

"I love my life" she said

"Do you really mean that?" I asked

"yeah" she said honestly

"Do you really love yourself, do you really love who you've become?" I asked

"yeah" she said with the same honesty

"Then that's all that matters" I reassured her.

Fact is, I don't really care so much if Danielle becomes a doctor or a McDonald's manager. What I do worry about is that Danielle is happy. I mean really happy. Danielle does love herself, and for that I give my wife and I an A+

It's Time!!!!

2007-01-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

Although I am a huge Patriots and Redsox fan, I try not to write too many post about sports since it cuts off many readers that are not sports fans. Unfortunately the excitement that is brewing here in New England is too much for me to ignore. I suffered through the 80's and 90's watching my beloved Patriots having nothing but loosing seasons. They managed to make it to two superbowls and lost both. Now that the Patriots are making history with 3 Superbowl wins in just 4 years and are now going for 4 wins in 6 years, I am living it up, because I realize how lucky we are. I know the day will return when Bill Belichek and Tom Brady are gone and it we will be just like every other NFL franchise.
There is just one obstacle that could keep us from going to Florida for the Superbowl on Feb 4th, that is the Indianapolis Colts. They have put away teams this year like it is nothing doing. They did not even loose a game until more than halfway through the season. And most of all they have the best quaterback in the NFL, Payton Manning! This man will beat every one of Dan Marinos records. Calling him a phenom is an understatement. Catching his miracle passes is another one of NFLs best, Marvin Harrison, who many consider one of the best to ever play the game. He is right up there with Rice. These two lead the league in Touchdowns. They have more touchdown with just each other than any other quaterback has period (including all their receivers put together). Payton Manning has it all - the records, the receivers, the ability to call his own plays. You name it, Payton has it. Except there is one thing Payton manning does not have that Tom Brady does have,.....Three Superbowl rings. Why is that? Well there are several reasons. One is the Patriots have a better coach, in fact they have the best coach in the NFL. Another is that Payton Makes a lot more money than Tom Brady, so the Patriots have more money to spend on other players. When Tom Brady signed his second contract, he just came off his second Superbowl win and could have easily been the top payed player in the NFL, but he decided he wanted to leave the Patriots more money so they could sign better players (under the NFL salary cap). Many said Tom was foolish for not demanding more money.
Those things aside, here is most important reason Tom Brady wins Superbowls and Payton Manning Does not,... . . . . Leadership. What the heck does that mean? Yeah you gotta lead by example and work hard and all that, but I am sure Payton does all that. Here is an example of real leadership. When Payton Mannings Colts lost their playoff game last year and Payton had his post game conference. He stood up at the microphone and complained that the reason they lost was that his offensive linemen did not play good enough, therefore he could not get his passes off correctly. When the Patriots lost to Denver in the playoffs last year, Tom Brady stood at the microphone and told the media that "I just did not play good enough.....I didn't make the plays that needed to be made". This is what a leader does. When you win, you give credit to your team. When you loose, you take the credit for the loss.
This is why when the Patriots play the Colts tomorrow to decide which team will represent the AFC in the Superbowl. You will see the Patriots walk away victors. They have a locker room stacked with leaders. Got a couple of extra bucks? Better not bet on the Colts! Anyone want me to put my money where my mouth is, just leave a comment and I will bet you.

He was my friend

2007-01-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

He handed me a half pint of Jack Daniels. That was his drink, strait up, no need for mixers. I prefered beer. Not just piss beer like Budweiser, but a good lager like Samual Adams (before they got big and it was still brewed in Boston). Hard liquer was not my thing, but he handed it to me as if we were tough guys in some western movie, so I took it from him, tilted my head back and tried to be a movie star. The thin warm liquid made it about half way down my throat before my esophogus closed shut. I gagged most of it right back up and it landed on the sand in front of me. Whatever didn't seep into the sand the tide quickly washed away. It was a beautiful 3 a.m. on the beach in New England . The sound of the slightly cool breeze and the sound of the waves crashing mixed in between each other as if protecting each other from being completely identified. We laughed over my inability to swallow even one swig. "I just can't stomach it dude" I said handing back his bottle. He took his bottle back and guzzled a good shot, then laughed again while I sucked down a beer to get rid of the taste. We were the only two on the beach. It was if it was our piece of Gods earth, as if he built it just for us. Our fishing poles dug in would bounce from time to time fooling us into checking our bait, but when stripers hit there is no question, and we knew that. It was almost just to go through the motions. Fishing can't be just all waiting. But thats just what we did most of the time....wait. The wait was half the fun. We talked, drank, smoked, smoked joints, drank, talked and smoked some more and drank some more. This was a sport we were well in shape for. We found this place together. Saquish was the name. It was almost an island except for the 4 mile road the led to it. Thats what Saquish was, a big sandy island only connected to mainland by a 100 yard wide, 4 mile long strip of beach with a road in the middle. At high tide it was perhaps only 50 yards wide. There were a hundred or so houses on Saquish, most of them cotteges. It was a piece of New England treasure. In order to go there you had to either live there or be on a guest list. there was a guard at the end of the 4 mile road that would check your I.D.
Steve met someone that introduced us to another man that was one of the few people to live there year round. We all quickly hit it off and next thing Steve and I were on the guest list and could fish there all we pleased. We fished there as often as we could. Sometimes reeling in striped bass, sometimes not, but everytime we inhaled the Saquish air we savoured it. Breathing in that air was like breathing life itself. Having Saquish rights was something Steve and I cherished. We cherished fishing itself. We grew up together Steve and I. Many things changed over time. The only thing that never changed in our lives was our shared love for fishing.
This pericular night we caught only one small striper, too small to keep. It was very dark, no moon at all. Sight was limited, but the other senses were so occupied they were crowded. As it got light, it showed to be an overcast day. We made it. It was if the daybreak gave us our mission completed sign. We said we were going to pull an overnighter and now we did. We packed our gear and left.
This trip was not unlike many others. Not much excitement. Although occasionally we had beautiful fish to show or a crazy story to tell. For just now I will keep them to myself. Perhaps to share later. Steve was my freind, I guess my best friend for some time. We were like brothers growing up. I called his mother "Ma". I slept at his house more than mine in the summer. There isn't a lake or a beach on the south shore we haven't fished. We had days of reeling in huge bluefish one after another out at Rays Point from a 28 foot sportfisher, getting burned by the noon sun and not even knowing it. We had days of standing in the rain beside a small pond we never fished before with no more than a nibble, but we had to try it out.
One time he called me at 10:30 at night. He was 15, I was 16.

"I know where there is a Quad" he said with excitement.

"What do you mean, you know where there is a Quad?" I asked

"I'll get my mothers car, and pick you up" Steve rushed

"Umm.......alright, I'll get ready" I agreed,

Within minutes he was in the driveway with his mothers car and off we went. We drove about 25 minutes to some dirt road in the middle of nowhere in Plymouth. Sure enough, about 50 yards in the woods there was a four wheeler, but it had 4 flat tires. We stuffed the Quad in the trunk. We had no rope or ties and it barely fit half way in. the other half hung over the back bumper. Here we were driving a stolen Quad hanging by a thread out of the back of his mothers car that he was driving with no license. We made it back and really enjoyed that quad over the next few years.
The night before I left for the Air force, Steve and I had one last horrah on that quad. We got good and drunk and rather than drive it down the sand pits like usual, we drove the quad all over town right down the middle of every street all through the night. Steve drove and I hung on for life. We drove down to a fancy neighborhood in Duxbury, and did donuts on the front lawn of the nicest house we could find. One house he kept ripping up their lawn so long a man started to come out side and chase us. While he was screaming at us (and I am sure his wife was calling the police) Steve ran over a newly planted bush in the middle of the front yard. The bush pulled right out of the ground and got wedged under the quad. So now we're dragging this guys bush around his front yard and the bush is literally tearing up all the grass in the front yard. In the Mean time we were laughing so hard we could barely hold on while this guy chased us around his own front yard.

I have a hundered stories of trouble that Steve and I caused. We won't be making anymore. Steve died last week and I just found out this morning. I haven't seen him in a couple of years. It came time for me to straighten out. Steve still had some unfinished buisiness I guess. He left behind a baby that I never met. In fact I just found out about the baby today as well. Perhaps I will get to see the baby tomorrow at the wake. Funny how I haven't seen him in so long yet I am still hurting like it was yesterday. Steve was only 33 years old. He was my friend. At one time he was my very best friend. technically we are even blood brothers. I never took that oath with anyone else. Yeah we were just kids sticking a needle in our hands, but he was my brother. I will miss you Steve. May God bless you and keep you.

Freeze the Fluid?

2007-01-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

Scientist have discovered yet another type of stem cell. This new type is found in amniotic fluid and perhaps holds the most promise of any stem cell to date. Current stem cells that do not come from embryos were once labled unipotent since it was thought they were only capable of becomming peticular types of cells. Embryonic stem cells were labeled pluripotent since they have the capability to become any type of cell in the human body. Now the label of unipotent for adult stem cells is blurring. Since they have been used in regenerative therapies, and have even helped repair spinal chord injuries among many other amazing accomplishments. I have made this point several times and won't bore you with more of the same. Except that I kind of have to, because this latest type of stem cell is even more pluripotent that other types of adult stem cells in that it has already been grown into different types of cells like heart tissue.

At a heart research conference in November, Swiss researcher Simon Hoerstrup said he managed to turn amniotic fluid stem cells into heart cells that could be grown into replacement valves. Hoerstrup has yet to publish his work in a scientific journal.

Making it very promising to quickly be used in tissue replacement therapies. Don't be surprized when you hear that not only should you be freezing your babies chord blood, but now the amniotic fluid as well.

Nonetheless, Daley said, the discovery shouldn't be used as a replacement for human embryonic stem cell research.

Of course not, why stop being controversal. I am not the type of person that makes claims that God is trying to send a message with this or that (like people usually do with natural disasters and such), but I have to wonder here. We keep getting discoveries that show us non-embrionic stem cells are or will perform miracles. Yet the embrionic stem cell doesn't accomplish squat! If you are an athiestic scientist, at least let statistics rule rather than the promise of a failed pursuit in embrionic research. Go with what works. I wonder where stem cell research would be today if every dollar and effort put into embrionic stem cell research was put into adult stem cell research?

"While they are fascinating subjects of study in their own right, they are not a substitute for human embryonic stem cells, which allow scientists to address a host of other interesting questions in early human development," said Daley, who began work last year to clone human embryos to produce stem cells.

Notice he doesn't say that ESC research will save lives or some breakthrough will be made. I watch this subject as close as I can. I have noticed this shift in what scientists say about ESC research now. The late ninties we had to kill embryos because it was going to give us spare livers and noone would die of heart failure anymore. Now, with years of research on ESCs and not one usable discovery to treat any disease, scientist have made a shift in why we need to conduct this research. And yes folks it has come down from saving lives to learning about early human development.
If you think a blastocyst is not even life so you don't care if we kill them. Keep this in mind, many of us do think they are life, since we all started out as one. With absolutly no advantage to this research, are you just doing it to piss off the rest of us. Thats good science?

Night Time Bliss

2007-01-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

She likes to navigate from one end to the other of our huge rap around sectional leather couch. Josh and Lilly (14 month twins) play on the floor for most of the day with their loads of toys littered about the den, but night time is different. After their last bottle we let them up on the couch. Yeah from time to time one of em takes a dive. The 22 inch drop to the floor usually scares them more than it hurts them. They gotta learn about gravity somehow.
As I daze off into the soft glow of T.V., suddenly two elbows appear on my lap. She crawls over then props her elbows on me, then her head rests on her hands as if she were sitting at a kitchen table. She tells me soft little phrases with all the meaning of an Edgar Alan Poe short. Her voice is a voice of soft song, she has this way of almost singing her little syllabils in the form of a question. Her expression changes as to await my response to her question. Just as I am ready to respond she interupts with more. this time as if to instruct me. She pats me on the chest slow and steady as if to say "Its Ok, everything will be alright". Then scoots away to the corner section and sits against the back. She starts to bounce forward and back using the back cushion to propel her bounce. One time she bounced so hard she went flying right out of her seat, through the air and landed face first on the floor two whole feet from the couch without touching anything. I mean she gets bouncing. The look on her face as if she's on a roller coaster. Then she crawls back to me, elbows back on me. And tells me about her day through little chirps of female baby coo. This time the peacefull story is interupted by a baby boy with a purpose. He just crawls right on top of her to get over her onto my belly, doesn't even hear her crying and complaining. Just uses her face to get one last push with his foot. He crawls right over me with the utmost of ease. Then crawls right up the back of the couch using me as a step ladder (literally). I look back. He is standing on the back of the couch holding onto the top of the lower window frame (window is directly behind couch). He makes his declaration of self satisfaction "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE" in a high pitched baby voice. He sings it out for the whole world to hear "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE"., Like Tarzan after wrestling a gorilla. I hold my hand lightly on his back so he doesn't fall down, but he never needs my support. Its more for me than him. I keep my hand there while I face forward to watch Lilly. Suddenly I feel him go up so that my hand is over his bum rather than his back. How could he go up any more? he is already standing on the back of the couch, but he did. I look back and he has both feet now on the window sill. the sill is not wide enough to support his feet so he turns them a full 90 degrees like a pengin to fit his feet on the window sill and hangs there arms and legs spread. He lets out another yell of satisfactory accomplishment "EEEEEEEEEE". He cries and cries as I pull him down off his mountain of accomplishment.
I read them some Dr Seuss. The only thing that will keep Josh still. I can't help but think to myself how fortunate I am. Sometimes waiting for trajedy to strike in some form so my payment can be made. You must have to pay for this bliss in some form. I miss you Hope, Faith and Seth. I will see you again someday. We shall all be together on one big couch.

The Spirit

2006-12-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

What makes us feel the Christmas spirit? Most people would not argue that Christmas is a special time of the year. It makes many more charitable, many more cheerful, many more social. The list can go on. I suppose that one could argue that these feelings have a completely natural cause. The increase in endorphines in the brain is a result of childhood experiences during Christmas, a result of receiving presents, or being surrounded by family, or seeing Christmas lights plastered all over town. I suppose one could say that only our experience with Christmas leads us to have an enhanced sense of citizenship this time of year.
But Christmas spirit was documented long before gifts were exchanged or lights were hung as part of its celebration. One could argue that so was a natural need to celebrate and be cheerful in the month of December. In Roman times they celebrated the festival of Saturnalia. This was a festival that lasted up to 7 days (Dec 17 -24) and marked a time of relaxed formal rules and even public nudity. There was even records of children being given presents.
A naturalist could argue that our ancestors need to celebrate during December came from a lack of work needing to be done since harvest is now over and that lack of work during winter months gave rise to cheerful mood in December. Of course, today most of us work just as much in December (most even more) as other months.
Personally I think if you remove all of it. All the presents, all the lights, all the commercial additives. I think if the Grinch actually came and removed it all from us. We would stand with the Who's singing Daaaahooooo Dooooreeeesss (or whatever they say). If you can Imagine what it must have been like being one of the wise men and standing over Jesus as he lay. Then you understand why Christmas spirit takes over our emotions during the celebration of the saviors birth. I believe that Christmas spirit has supernatural cause. That same tingling feeling I get come December, I get when I hear Jesus's words. Of course you can say its just because the same parts of my brain are effected, the same endorphines are released and whatever other scientific explanation there is. I am a scientist at heart (not brain) and marvel at what science accomplishes. I guess its when you step back at realize what a miracle the laws of physics are, and how amazing biology is, and what beautiful puzzle quantum mechanics is. That you can accept that all of it is supernatural.
Most probably think the previous statement is absurd, but just imagine a universe where gravity has 7/8 the force that it does have. Everything in our universe would change and life would have never happened. Change any law or rule of nature by just the slightest bit and you get the same result. So no matter how natural you make it, its still supernatural. As long as that is an absolute truth (and it is to me), then why couldn't God have sent his only son for me. This is why the spirit fills you during Christmas. If you dismiss it as nothing , just natural causes, then you missed it. Your looking for proof? What would that proof be? If you did see an amputee grow back his leg, you would marvel at the wonder of evolutions ability. You would look to see how man adapted the same ability as a star fish. The proof is already there - Its all a miracle! You just choose to ignore it.

Christmas Challenge

2006-12-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I really want to challenge anyone who reads this blog to do one thing this Christmas.

Try and do one significant good deed or generous act for someone.

Now here is the hard part. Do it without anyone knowing. Not your wife or husband, not even your dog. No one can even have a hunch. This may sound simple, but I think you'll see that our human nature makes it more difficult than may seem.
Kind of like when I tip the girl at Dunkin Dounuts, I always make sure I do it when she's looking. You know,.... Other wise it feels just like a wasted tip. So am I tipping because I am generous or because I want the credit of giving, so perhaps next time I will get even better service or some kind of recognition? The latter is true, I am sorry to say. Yep, when I drop my change into the cup on the counter, I make sure I hold my hand up high enough so that the change makes plenty of noise falling into the cup. He is a little hint, nickels are louder then dimes and sound almost like quarters. Just don't ask for your change back in nickels because she'll know.

So lets try and make our own "Pay it Forward", except noones gonna actually pay it forward because they are not going to know who actually did the nice thing for them, or even if anyone did. Perhaps they will think that they left that 20 dollar bill in their own pocket (you know, the one your gonna sneak in there without letting anyone know).
And if you come back and here and post what you did then it doesn't count, I mean it! After all its not your birthday were celebrating on the 25th. Lets give him a birthday present by giving him what he actually asked us for. By just being generous your only giving him half of what he asked for. I know that I don't want just half of an XBOX 360 this year. I want the whole enchilada!

Lets Get Real

2006-11-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

My son has all but destroyed our remote contol, it has been smashed apart and put back together so many times that only certain buttons still work. Of the two cordless phones, one has been dropped tooo many times, the other still works (for how long?). It is as if he has some type of remote control radar. If it is not put where he cant reach it, then he has got it in less than 30 seconds. You would think toy phones and toy remotes would help, they don't. He may be 12 months, but he know the differnece between a yellow and blue plastic toy flip phone and the one that Mommy and Daddy really talk on. The fact we are always taking it away from him.....well....that makes it all the more interesting. What I need is a toy phone that is an exact replica of our cordless. Right down to the dial tone and that lady that says "if you would like to make a call please hang up and try again" when you leave it off the hook too long. Without that, he's gonna know!
So all you toy companys out there, I hope your listening. If toy guns can look like the real thing. Why not remote controls and telephones. Enough of the yellow and blue soft plastic toy phones. Any kid knows, if it looks like a toy then it sucks.

Bush Vs. Everyone

2006-11-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

How many democratic commercials over the last couple of weeks did not even focus on their Republican opponent? Instead they ran against George Bush. As soon as I noticed the nation wide stragety, I knew Republicans were in trouble. If you like the war in Iraq, then just vote Republican, was the basic message. It worked too! Never mind that Several years ago every single Democrat wanted to invade Iraq. Somewhere between the start of the war and now, Bush became solely responsible for the war. Democrats conviently swayed to the publics discontent for Amercian casulties, and eventually made themselves to be the leader in that movement.
If you voted Democrat, thats OK. Just don't forget that you used to be in favor of war in Iraq. You changed your mind? Thats OK, well take the blame. We will finish what all of us started. When Iraq is someday a free democratic society and leads the Middle East into the 21st century. You can take the credit.

Trick or Treat

2006-11-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

I was sick as a dog, but managed to carry one of our twins while my wife carried the other to about 10 houses before I ached too much to carry on. It was enough to go down as their official first trick or treat. Josh was superman, And Lilly didn't even have to dress up

The Day I Was Almost Saved

2006-10-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

I stared out the window, feeling a bit uneasy. It was 7:30 Sunday morning 1982, I was only 11 years old. She said the bus would come between 7 and 9 in the morning. Why the heck did I agree to this? She was older than me and had a way about her. She was very sure of herself and could be very convincing. A Baptist church? What was I thinking? My free day off and I agreed to go to her Baptist church. She whined about getting some kind of prize if I would go. I probably would have jumped off my roof if she said I would be alright. What a beautiful sunny day, and here I am waiting for a church bus to pick me up. At least she'll be on it, perhaps it won't be all bad.
There it was. Just like my regular school bus, except it slowly crept up the road as if trying to sneak up on unsuspecting children and scoop them away to be saved. I walked quickly to my doom and boarded the yellow monster. I stood in the main isle looking for Linda. I wondered why she couldn't see me.

"Have you been saved" a voice startled me from my right side.

I turned to look at him. There was no one there. Just this little six year old nerdy looking kid with coke bottle glasses. He was squinting through his glasses trying to size me up. His eyes were just a blur through those one inch thick glasses. I imagined that I must have looked just as blurry to those eyes.

He barked out "Jesus has brought you here for salvation, have you accepted him as your personal savior?".

It was him, it was this little nerdy kid preaching with the tone of a 50 year old T.V. evangelist. I was embarrassed, I wasn't ready just yet to answer these types of questions. I figured I had a whole bus ride to work them out. This six year old nerd was possessed by Satan himself waiting for my reply. There was no way a six year old could speak with this type of authority and conviction. I quickly found a seat since it was obvious that Linda was not on this bus, not to mention I needed to remove myself from this boy turned Satan's attention. We rode around literally for two and a half hours. Going from town to town picking up unsuspecting children. A collection of young souls in need of reprimand from a six year old biblical scholar. He preached the whole time. When I say preached, I mean standing up on the front seat, facing the rest of us, bible in one hand, waving about the other hand, yelling and hollering, preaching. At times it was fascinating to watch him. It was kinda like watching a six year old prodigy play the piano fluently. Until he turned his attention toward me, then I just looked away hoping he would forget I was there.

From time to time he would ask a question like "are you ready to accept Jesus into your heart", and then stare at some poor kid waiting for a response.

Usually the kid would look at the ground praying to God to make this Dameon character leave him alone. After a short pause with no answer he would go on preaching.
We finally arrived at the church. Still no Linda, but I managed to sit down in the middle of the pews. A woman sang a song in the middle of the service, to which the pastor replied "If tapping my foot is a sin, God may stike me down". I don't know why that sticks out in my head, I think it was because they don't listen to any music that has a beat. I remember thinking, why was it ok for him to tap his foot? Then came time for salvation. See, its not good enough for you to just accept Jesus in your own mind. You must make a big presntation about it by going up and kneeling in front of the whole church. Somehow their approval is needed. They need to see you do it. You can't just go home and be saved. You must do it under their authority. The pastor went on and on about how this is the only way one gets to heaven. And once you are saved it doesn't matter what happens after that, you are going to heaven. Even if you kill someone every 30 seconds for the next 50 years it doesn't matter. So long as you kneeled in front of everyone at the Baptist church in Halifax MA, your entry into heaven is certain. As long as you mean it at the time. Ten minutes from then you can have a change of heart and start urinating on every person you kill, it doesn't matter.

So they slowly went up. One here, one there. People started to go up and kneel at the alter. It was strange that everyone did not go up at once. It was if the more he preached about it the more people would go up. He stared right at me for most of the time he was preaching about being saved, and how if we were not saved, we needed to go up to avoid the flames of hell. I was nervous, should I go up? Technically I was already saved by Linda, in our own little ceremony, but I am not sure that qualifies now. It did at the time, I mean that I really did mean it. He is staring right at me, with an angry look on his face. Preaching harder and harder about being saved. How this may be the one opportunity. How important it is that I go right now! A boy about my age sitting right in front of me looked back at me. Then he stood up and went up to the alter an knelt. He was braver than I. The pastor kept his eyes on me waiting to see if I would go up. By now I was terrified. I really did not want to join this cult, but I didn't want to go to hell either. I stood my ground, and finally, he proceeded with saving everyone at the alter and removed his glare from me.

After the service, I thought to myself that finally this was over. I started to walk to the door. I was met by Linda and her family before I got there. "Ready for Sunday school" she said. I let her know how upset I was she wasn't on the bus. She gave me some lame excuse. Then I was whisked off to Sunday school class. I was led to a small classroom. I reluctantly went in. Inside were about 20 or so kids around my age sitting in metal folding chairs. Each one had his own bible. I sat down.

The kid sitting next to me asked "where's your bible?".

I remember thinking, Why does everyone have bibles? Man, I am just a kid, I don't have my own bible. At my own church, Sunday school just gives us the jist of it. I never needed my own bible.

The teacher who seemed nice enough, lent me his bible. At the front of the room there was a table with a bunch of books on it.

The teacher said "you guys know the deal whoever gets the most points gets any one of the prizes (he was referring to the books)

"This week we have a new one called such and such" the teacher descibed as he held up a book from the table.

Several kids murmured with excitement as he showed the book. One kid rattled off that he wanted a different book and that the new one did not please him. They were all religious books. Some of the titles I did not even understand. But the room stirred with excitement from certain kids (perhaps the ones that were good at whatever game we were going to play).

"Ready?" the teacher warned.

Then he looked over at me realizing that I did not even know what was happening.

So he quickly explained "I will say a bible book and phrase number, and whoever looks it up first gets a point.

The teacher called out "Exodus 3:11"

Just as the teacher started to open his mouth, the same kids that murmured with excitement at the new prize (which was most of them), stood up. So fast that their chairs would push behind them. Some stood right on their chairs in a kneeling fashion for extra speed. While they were in motion to stand up they were flipping through their bibles with lighting speed. The sound of ultra thin bible pages being slapped around filled the room, an electric flurry of biblical excitement. Before the teacher could even finish saying the peticular books name and verse, one of the kids was already starting to read the passage. It was really quite amazing. I was also quite intimidated. I did not even know that Genisis was the first book in the old testament, let alone find a passage as quick as these kids could. They must have practiced all week long, as if bible verse finding was an Olympic sport, and Sunday was bible Olympics.

The teacher looked over at me, closed bible on my lap, eyes wide in amazement. I could see some empathy in his eyes, but he knew the show had to go on.

"You'll catch on" he sympathized,"these guys have been doing this for a while."

He spoke on whatever verse he rattled out for several minutes, most of which somehow related to being saved. Regardless of the true meaning, not that I knew what that was.
As the class went on and certain kids checklist grew longer than others (All names were on a chalkboard with hash marks next to it,).
I got to the point where I was just flipping pages around to try and look like I was going to eventually suprize everyone with a hash mark next to my name (yeah right). Sometimes they were so fast that I knew it was completely impossible to find the page that quick. They must have had the verse memorized and as they started to recite it, they found the verse at the same time. There was no other explanation!

From time to time, two kids would start reading almost simultaneously. Of course a small debate would start over who was first. Usually the teacher would give them both a point.
How was this possible? How was it possible to find a verse in the bible so quickly? I am not exaggerating when I say 2 seconds flat! They could find any verse in two seconds. The ones that took 2.5 seconds, did not get a point. I had trouble getting the cover open before some kid would start to recite the correct verse.
When it was all over, there was clearly one boy who had many more points than the rest of them. He bragged as he went to pick out his prize (book). He looked very familiar to me. He grabbed the book with no wasted time, as if he already knew which one he wanted. He took much pleasure as the others complained about his weekly triumphs. He was no stranger to being the victor in this strange verse finding game.

I realized why he looked so familiar. He was the kid sitting in front of me that went up to be saved during the service. I can be a very nieve person. I thought to myself - why does a kid that has obviously come here many many times, just now need to be saved? On my first trip here the pastor practially forced me to be saved by staring at me the whole time and practically saying my name while he preached people up to the alter. Why did this kid have to wait until today?

After Sunday school I met up with Linda and her parents. She asked my how I liked it. I did not say anything. I really wanted to give her an ear full, but it wasn't the time or place. I could not resist asking about the kid in Sunday school though. I needed to know why he wasn't saved until today. Linda avoided the question.
I begged Lindas mother for a ride home to avoid the dreaded bus ride. I could not take two and a half more hours of little nerdy wonder boys preaching. The highlight of this trip was not having to take the bus back home. On the ride home, I again asked Linda about the boy in Sunday school class. She was still avoiding the question, but then her dad confessed that sometimes people that have already been saved sometimes go up and kneel at the alter to try and make it more comfortable for others to go up.
Now it hit me. The kid looked back at me with a friendly smile and then went up. He was bait for me!. Did they actually discuss this prior to the service? Or was it just improve? Something the kid decided on his own? Did his parent tell him to do it? Is this something they discuss as a group? Was he the pastors son? Either way, the deception of it really bothered me. Is being saved not enough by itself that the only way one will go up is if he feels his peers are joining him. Or is it just so important that even coupled with deception it is OK. It just needs to be done. What if they had to rob a bank to get me to go up, would they? Perhaps trick me into thinking that I won some kind of prize that must be claimed by kneeling at the alter. If they really wanted to trick me into going up, they should have told me if I didn't, I would have to endure another bus ride with Super Six year old Preacher boy.

Changing?

2006-10-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am seeing things with a new clarity
Once viewed obsurdly
Making things get cloudy when new clarity fights with old clarity

Its out of my hands for now

Unselfish ?

2006-08-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

To see true unselfishness in life does not happen. Even our most charitable acts usually have underlying motive, whether we realize it or not. Having twins I get to see something that most don't. A truely unselfish emotion. As I tickle Joshua up and down and throw him into fit of laughs. Across the room stands Lillian in her Jumparoo. She begins to smile and giggle herself. Bouncing up and down with excitement of her brothers tickle torture. No need for tickle herself. No need for any attention. I purposly hide that I am looking at her. Doesn't matter, she is taking part in her brothers fun from across the room. When I stop tickling Josh, Lilly bouncing starts to slow. She quiets right down, smile fades. Pure joy in someone elses fun. Never been taught anything about it.

Now when Josh takes her Ducky out of her hands to play with for himself, somehow she is not so unselfish. Oh well, it lasted for a moment.

Good Intentions?

2006-08-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

I recently had a debate with a liberal on the matter of Republiban economic philosophys vs. Democratic philosophys. He quickly pointed out how Republicans are hypocrites because most Republicans are Christians and Jesus preaches charity. So Republicans are hypocrites since many govenmental programs are a form of charity, such as welfare. Even though I pointed out why I believe that changing or eliminating these programs actually serves this (reciepients of such programs) population better than the actual program itself, he still harped on the hypocracy of Republican philosophy. I even pointed out that by lowering taxes, this past administration actually raised tax revenue. So it was my intentions he doubted even more than the methoedology.

One thing that we must due while debating these issues is to understand that the other party has good intentions (especially on economic issues). I don't fault him for what he (or Democrats)is trying to acommplish. I just don't believe such welfare (or many other) programs work for most of the poeple that use them. For example: When I was 19 I had a baby with my 17 year old girlfriend (now my wife). We were down and out, I was pumping gas for $5.50 an hour, living with my parents. She was unemployed, living with her parents. We needed a place desperately. We went to the Plymouth Housing Authority, and they told us it was a two year waiting list to get on to Section 8 housing, unless Jen was willing to live in a shelter, then it may take just several months. We carefully thought out our options and decided it would be best to live apart, then put Jen and my daughter in a shelter. So for 15 Months I could not live with my baby. The whole time I kept trying to find better work. I remeber how mad I felt towards the government, I legitimatly needed help and could not get it. I left no rock untruned and looked everywhere for better work. Finally after 14 months I found a job making $7.80 an hour in a plastic bag factory. My job was to pick up all the scrap and clean around the machines. I saved up for one month and got us a crappy little apartment, but it was ours and we could all live together. I worked my way up to mechanic and got a raise to $8.80 an hour. We struggled to eat. Jen got a job at the mall making $4.50 an hour part time to help make ends meet. We were very poor, but happy. I evntually worked my way from job to job and 5 years later landed a job at Gillette making a decent wage. Now we own a house (small but cozy). We still live paycheck to paycheck, but I can't complain, our standard of living is much better than it was in that first apartment. So point of this boring story is that now I look back at that trip to the Plymouth Housing Authority and wonder what would have happened if we choose to put Jen and my baby in the shelter. A few months later she would have gotten an apartment paid for by section 8. We would have hid the fact that I lived there, like so many welfare section 8 receptients do. I wouldn't of had a reason to find a better job (my baby was my motivator, and the fact we were apart). Where would we be today? Would I have this good job at Gillette? Nope! How many other people are trapped in the system. In another post I will talk about 3 others I know of that recieve disability from the state.

So the reason I don't support such govenment programs and taxing others for them is not because I want to go against what Jesus teaches us. I also understand the reason Democrats want these programs is becasue the are worried about the walfare of less fortunate. We should debate what we think is better for the masses, not each others intentions. We need to understand that each party does have good intentions. Believe it or not the Democrats don't favor these programs because they want to hurt America (even though thats what they do). There intentions are good. They just need to understand that you cannont legistrate greed out of corporations. Noone goes to work in the morning because they first want to help others, then themselves. It is the other way around. Its kind of like the old saying :Give a man a fish, feed for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed for a life. Except the republican philosophy is not teaching, it is providing a free enterprise system where anyone can thrive. Democrats want to give fish that others caught. Republicans want to make sure there is always plenty of fish for anyone willing to spend time fishing.

The real point of the post is that I want to puke when someone brings religion into an economic debate. Because you are starting off by saying that I think the republican philosophy is only better for me, and screw everone else.

What Do I Stand For?

2006-07-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

We all tend to align ourselves with some form of a political party. Usually we are Republican or Demacrate, or Conservative or Liberal. I consider myself to be more of a consevative. What I catch myself doing is allowing my opinions to be swayed with the party's opinion. Take for instance the issue of global waming. I find myself debating the issue from the more conservative stance, that this is a natural fluctuation in enviormental temperatures. Fact is I know very little about natural global fluctuations in the past. Yet, I spit back arguments that I have heard other conservatives make. This piticular issue should not be conservative nor liberal. It should be strictly scientific. I am not saying that global warming is the devistating catastrophy the liberals make it out to be. Nor am I saying that we can keep trashing our planet with no effect. Usually on divided issues like this, the truth is somewhere in the middle. the point of the post is not global warming, I still have much to learn on the issue. It is that we need to be careful how and why we form opinions on important matters. Kind of like the death penalty. Somehow the death penalty seems to be wanted by conservatives, even though it really goes against most religous beliefs. Somewhere along the line some consevative backed the death penalty and others followed suite. We must (especially myself) make up our minds one topic at a time. I know many liberals who make the statement "I believe abortion is wrong and would never have one, but I don't think I should force my opinion on others, and that everyone should be free to make their own choice". So what they are saying is that abortion is immoral, but that different people should be allowed different set of moral standards. They are not willing to hold others to their own moral standard. My guess is that this is just simply a case of aligning oneself with a political theology. I know may people who say they would never have (or let their spouse) an abortion, yet are prochoice.
I am trying to be more conceince of why I believe what I do. Its not easy sometimes, but it is something we all must do. So before you debate a subject with someone. Ask yourself why your taking the stance you are.

The Charter

2006-07-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

What do we do now? I live in Plymouth MA. A nice enough town. In fact it is my suburban dream. We have it all. The ocean, 365 ponds and lakes, nice rural areas, yet plenty of stores within 10 minutes, even a super Walmart. And next year were getting our own baseball team the "Plymouth River Eels". One problem, We have a high school that is not acreditted, and I have a 14 year old daughter that enters high school this fall. Our middle school is not very good either, but we had a scape goat. Massachucettes has a charter school program. What that means is that the state alloted X amout of dollars to fund privately owned public schools. These schools are started by individuals that as long as they meet certain criteria, the state funds the school. So basically what you have is a free private school. The benifits are a plenty. Smaller run schools tend to be much more effecient with their money. The average charted school costs the state just over half the price as public schools per student. So the schools can easily have smaller class sizes. As well as they govern themsleves.
So we just happen to be so lucky to have a charter school here in Plymouth(any town can go but only plymouth kids get bused). Problem is it only spans grades 5 through 8. My daughter was fortunate enough to avoid plymouth middle school and attend "Rising Tide" charter school. I remember there was an incident where a student was caught with marijawana. The next day a letter was sent home to every parent of the school explaining exactly what went on. The police were called in. Charges were pressed. The student was suspended for two weeks. The letter went on to explain the future actions that were going to happen to try and prevent this type of thing from happening again. They were going to hold an assembly in order to further educate on drugs and the consequenses and so on. If this same incident happened at Plymouth middle school, I seriously doubt I would have ever found out about it unless my daughter told me herself. We fell inlove with Rising Tide and so did my daughter, it was our free private school. thay have awesome teachers. No teachers union to protect them, yet they want to teach there. why? These are teachers that are more worried about making a difference and being able to teach somewhere they have that ability. This school holds their students to a standard, if they weaver from that standard there are consequences. One of the standards is that the kids treat each other with respect. When my daughter first started there (fifth grade) some kids were picking on her on the bus. My daughter never told us. Eventually the bus driver picked it up. She turned the students in. Two of them were suspended, one for three days one for two days. The teasing stopped after that. The two students were threatened with expulsion if it continued. Would this have happened at Plymouth middle school? Again I would never have found out. Day after day, my little girl would have been picked on, but Rising Tide meets with all the bus drivers to discuss the childrens code of conduct and exactly what should be done if they don't follow. Now its over. Danielle is off to high school. We just can't afford private school, so my little girl is at the hands of Plymouth South High School. A school that lost its acreditation for having overcrowded conditions among other things. There are charter high schools that my daughter could go to, but not in Plymouth and I don't have a way to provide transportation.
The point of the post is that I would like to see eductation completely privitized. I don't know all the ins and outs of what makes better education. One thing I do know is competition usually gets the ball rolling. By competely privitizing eductation, not only would you save the tax payer money as Massachucettes charter school system has proved. We would all be given a choice where we could put our children and that would take a lot of the liberism out of our schools. Parents would most likely choose schools that protect their children.
Many critics of the Massachucettes charter school system complain that it steals money away from public schools and further lessens their quality of education. There is some truth to that. For every child the charter system takes from Plymouth schools, they loose the amount that the charter school spends on that child, but since that happens to be almost half of the cost of public school, then technically they should be saving the public school money. Of course that is not how the critics look at it. They just see less money -Bad. Even though they have less students and technically their keeping half of the money for each student they loose. So they are really making money from charter schools. The Charter schools tend to outperform the regular schools on the MCAST. Critics again complain that it is unfair that certain children recieve better education that others. Yet, their answer is to get rid of the better education? Not try to make it all better? The main reason the charter schools out perform the regular is because any one can go to a charter school, most times you must register a year early or you will be put on a waiting list that goes in sequencial order from who signed up first, but its the type of parent that bothers to do this for their child. The type of parent that searches for alternate sources of education for their child will usually be the type of parent that stays involved in their childs education. This is why charter schools do so well. Mit Romney has supported these charter schools for his tenure, I am worried what happens when he's gone and the Dems get elected to governor. Will my twins get a chance at Rising Tide? Any how, I really think Massachucettes is on to something. We need to take the next step. We need to make this system for everyone. It won't be easy and it will have problems.
So now I must send Danielle of to a school that isn't even recognized be the state.

ITS A BOY!!!!!!

2006-07-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my brother and his wife! Yesterday they were rewarded with baby Jacob Alton Fisher, 6lbs 2 oz.

Quote from EWTN

2006-07-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Your family is Gods way of forcing you to have a relationship with people you would otherwise never even talk to - Father John Corapi

Door Step

2006-06-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

As I through front doorway, and swing gaze westward
waxing crescent buoyed in mid air, forgoing motions logic
If his shall ponder its creation for moments
And ponder shall call its creator to question
How moons lambent penetrate mines mind eye
that not lay middle in between mine other two eyes
but in ones chest, flowing with breath

If grasp of its logic ones eye should slip
Then created shall believe and breath in His efforts

If grasp of its logic ones eye shall breath in
Then creation not betide and one can exhale
contents of minds eye, his own truth now prevail

This still not explain how the how of moons came
Nor the ponderance of moons logic and its glistening eyes aim

Tsk Tsk

2006-06-24T07:27:00.001-07:00

Mark 8:38 Whoever has a feeling of shame because of me and my words in this false and evil generation, the Son of man will have a feeling of shame because of him, when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

I will have to answer for my lack of proclamation of my beliefs. All around me, at work, with friends, are people who I hold their respect. At work I am their leader. The one they call when they cannot figure it out, and I almost always am able to think past their fallen logic. When complexity cast a wall for their thought, I almost always just walk though it. Sometimes to their amazement. Yet I am afraid and unable to tell them the truth. Jesus will have a feeling of shame when I walk into his fathers kingdom.

Midnight Massacre

2006-06-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

There I was holding her in my arms. Standing there, the light shined on my shoulders like an interrogation lamp. She was looking right into my eyes, her stare unwavering. She seemed calm now, but very serious. Usually I get her to smile with the utmost ease, but not now. She just looked into my eyes, perhaps wondering why I betrayed her. Why would I cause her so much pain? Perhaps she was contemplating why I broke her trust by torturing her. Holding her down for her beating. Allowing others to take turn in her terror. We all sweet talked her just before we proceeded in terrorizing her. But it was me she was holding accountable. Not them. It was my eyes she was staring at. Trying to see if the monster still lay behind them. Trying to understand why I would hurt her.

-2 1/2 hours earlier -

Jen and I were finally watching the second episode of Deadwood. This is the third time we tried. Having twins will do that. We weren't half way through and over the baby monitor we heard Lilly start to fuss. Usually she falls right back to sleep, but this time I could hear a little different tone to her whining. I went upstairs where she was moaning with discontent. I could see her uncomfort as if she was trying to sleep on a blanket of broken glass. I picked her up. It was like I was holding a heating pad. Her temp was 102 under the arm (must add at least 1 degree). This brought us to pre-panic haze. Memories of loss pushing their way to my chest, giving me Nashua butterflies that sit in my throat. We tried to wait for her doctor to call back, but when she vomited her bottle right back up that was it. Each minute of wait was like 10, so we took off for the E.R.
The calmness of the staff always brings you back to reality. If their not impressed by her state then it can't be all that bad. Then came the tests. Not once have we hurt her. Besides perhaps a slight brush up against a doorway, she has never really had anything done to her, until now! She doesn't understand. Why would we talk so nice and do these things to her. People pulling her arms, holding them down and poking with needles, violating her with a catheter. What kind of maniacs are we? She screamed. My wife cried. She screamed and screamed and screamed, at times so hard her breath was so gone she couldn't breath in. She kept looking at me to make it stop, but I couldn't. I just joined in the massacre. She would look right at me with her screams, begging me to stop this inhumane thrashing. Take these monsters away from her. But I didn't. I just let them do what they wanted to. Let them torture her limb from limb. I tried to explain with reassurance of a near end, but her screams drowned out my words. Her screams, took a piece of me. My "Fathers infallibility" for Lilly was gone.
After the nightmare was over I held her in my arms. She wouldn't take her eyes from mine.

-Next Day-

A late wake for Lilly, she slept to almost 11 a.m. Today she seemed a little different. Perhaps it was because she still had a little fever. Perhaps it was because she was tired from lack of sleep. Or perhaps today, Lilly was a little wiser. The lessons of life don't wait for teenagers or even toddlers. I am so sorry Lilly, I kept them away for as long as I could.
You have no idea what I would have gone through so you could have skipped last night.

My Morning Poet

2006-06-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

3:30 a.m. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust. Their room is darker than the hallway. I can see his profile good enough, his blanket beside him. As I fix his blanket and tuck it under him I can slowly start to see his face. He is smiling at me. Eyes of joy wide open.

"da da da da" and other playful cooing to go along with, comes from is ready face.

"Shhh, you'll wake up your sister" I gently whisper, but his excitement only grows from my response.

The cool clean air of almost ready morning sunshine invigorates him, and is rubbing off on me. You know... that feeling that morning is just about here. The peepers now quiet waiting for the first bird chirp to break the silence. I want to pick him up and start our playful morning ritual, but I've got only 55 minutes till the alarm goes off. Today won't be one of those days submerged in twin happiness. Today is a work day! Fourteen and a half hours without them. One last tuck and I head back to my room and lay back down. I hear him babbling loud and clear through the monitor. He goes on and on for the next 45 minutes. Every word full of cheer and good spirit. He is enjoying his pre-morning time by himself. Trying out new sounds, different volumes, different pitches. Figuring out just what his voice box is capable of. At times it seems as if he is trying to sing. I lay there listening, at times almost chuckling at awkward phrases, at times realizing I am loosing my final minutes of rest. Finally he falls back to sleep. I start to drift off. Just as I am about gone, there goes the alarm clock like a wrong answer on Family Feud, over and over again till I fight my way to the button.

It's Ok Joshua, I'll trade my sleep for your story telling anytime!

Ten Years After

2006-06-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

"The actual benefits may be a decade or more away" is the statement of Dr. George Daley of Bostons famed Childrens hospital. It just seems like I've heard that statement before. What is he talking about? One of the most promising medical breakthroughs that will someday cure everything, Embryonic Stem cell research. It just seems like I started hearing that decade thing......hmmmm....... Somewhere around ten years ago. So why is Dr. Daley making this repetitive statement? Because Harvard University is now in the embryonic stem cell business. http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/06/07/harvard.cloning.ap/index.html
I have written a few blogs on my opinion of embryonic stem cell research, so I wont bore you by repeating. One of the points of this post is to show how the federal ban on funding embryonic stem cell research does not prevent the research at all. It just keeps people like me that don't believe it is ethical, from paying for it. Harvard's' research is 100 percent privately funded. I still don't agree with it, but at least I am not footing the bill. So while everyone bashed Bush for not funding the research saying he is holding back the science is nothing more than poppycock. The reason I mock the 10 year thing is because science has proved that a more ethical pursuit of using adult stem cells and cord blood stem cells is much more effective, and science is finding that adult and cord blood stem cells are more pluripotient than once thought. Yet embryonic stem cells make headlines, time and time again, even though they have never, ever, ever, ever, not even once, helped one person in any way. While cord blood stem cells help humans to walk that were once paralyzed. So ten years from now when the promise of embryonic stem cell research is only ten years away, we will perhaps see cord blood stem cells repairing every imaginable part of the body. If only there was a way to make adult and cord blood stem cells a controversial issue, perhaps Harvard wouldn't mind funding more research on them.

Oily Mess

2006-06-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

What does Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's death mean? A couple of months ago I watched the movie Munich. After seeing the movie I did a little internet research on the 1972 Olympic assassination incident. I was only one year old at the time so I obviously don't remember any of it. One of the things that was disturbing about Israel's futile attempt to eliminate terrorist leaders was how each leader that the small group hunted down with success, was eventually replaced by someone just as bad if not worse. When I heard of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's death on Thursday, this was the first thing that came to mind. Who will be his replacement? We all know there is a general feeling amongst the public that our efforts in Iraq are indeed futile. Does that mean we stop? Of course not. At the safe house in Baquba where Zarqawi was killed, there were suicide jackets found. So it is obvious what they were up to. There will be Al-queda retaliation to follow for sure. These terrorist do not fear their own death. Now Abu Musab al-Zarqawi will be a martyr and a hero amongst them.
One question that comes to mind is did we bring Zarqawi to Iraq or would he have been there anyway? What you will hear from the liberals is that if we were not in Iraq, then Zarqawi would not be their killing their civilians. So we made him do what he was doing anyway. One thing that was slightly encouraging is that Iraq civilians helped with the intelligence that led to his death. My overall assessment is that Left or Right, Dem or Rep, you need to see that we can't leave Iraq yet. If the terrorist are convincing the American public that we need to get out, think of how fast they will be able to get involved in Iraqi government, and prevent any type of democracy from forming. Leading right back to a terrorist regime no better than Suddams. I hate that we are loosing our solders in Iraq. If you think that our interest there is just Oil, the war has only led to less oil production. There is more at stake here. Even if you feel the president lied to get us there, it doesn't matter. Al-queda is there. We need to be there. Imagine Iraq as a democracy. As the worlds 3rd largest oil producer at 115 billion barrels, think of the society they could have. There are some who say Iraq could have as much as 400 million barrels that is yet untapped. Currently because of the war, Iraq does not even meet its own demand for oil. So the war is not helping American oil supply's at all. If we just walked away and let the insurgents take control, install another dictatorship, they would quickly get the supply back up. But that's not the answer.

Never Forget

2006-06-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

I remember before she was pregnant. I would see a cute baby and say "look Jen, isn't she a little cutie". Jen wouldn't reply. The loss of her babies never far from her thoughts. Eventually I learned to just look on my own and not mention it. Only one thing would help her to heal. A baby! it wouldn't take away her pain, but the combination of pain and longing mixed together was more than she could handle and still be happy. I wondered how she would exsist if it never happened. I tried to picture years of waking at 2 a.m. to her tears, with no ability to console her. I felt like praying was useless. If this was Gods plan, what was I to do about it? I felt as if praying was just a futile attempt to change Gods mind. These were dark times, like the never ending rain of our current weather.
Sometimes God gives you exactly what you need. I think I forgot to thank him yesterday for Lillian and Joshua, so perhaps writing it today will make up for it.

Thankyou God

Johnny Cakes anyone?

2006-06-09T05:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the senate voted against a bill that would prevent gay marriage. Democrats are complaining that this is nothing more than Bush trying to rally his core conservatives during a time of low approval ratings due to the war in Iraq. Perhaps there is some truth to that. On the other side, I am not sure why he would care, its not like he running again. Personally I do think the timing is a little poor, and would rather see his focus on more important issues.
My take on the matter is that government shouldn't make any laws regarding sexual preference whatsoever. Ones sexual preference does not qualify them for minority status. What qualifies someone to be a minority is the ability to be prejudged based on appearance or physical attribute. You cannot discriminate against a homosexual, unless he or she first informs you that they prefer abnormal sexual relationships. Homosexuals are seeking for the population to consider their behavior normal. That's what gay rights is really all about isn't it? Problem is, assigning rights to gays is giving people rights because of their behavior rather than appearance or physical attribute.
One could argue that someone is born gay and has no choice in their behavior. I once asked a homosexual friend of mine if it is indeed a choice or is it something you are born with? His answer was a very sincere "why would I choose this?". His answer came with almost tears after a lengthy conversation of my prying questions. I believe him, and do not accept the idea that it is a chosen desire to be homosexual. Never the less, this is abnormal behavior. It is observed as grotesque and/or immoral by most of the population. Just because one is born with an abnormal desire does not mean it has to be acted upon. We should not have to create laws or special rights for a persons abnormal behavior that most consider immoral. The aim of the left is to submerge the population with homosexuality until we become immune to it and thus accept it as normal. Take for instance, HBO. I watch every single one of HBO's origional series, they are all very good, but every single one has gay characters and they show their behavior in detail even though many times it has nothing to do with the plot or story line. I am not exaggerating, every single one has at least one gay character and they always go off on some tangent to show you their homosexual behavior. Even the Sopranos did their own little version of Broke Back Mt. A big fat Italian Mafia man, calling his lover Johnny Cakes (since he met him in a diner while Johnny was making his pancakes). The gay thing has been beat to death on HBO, yet they keep on doing it. Why? It has nothing to do with the storys they are telling (except for perhaps, 6 Feet Under). The only conclusion is that it is actually part of an agenda.
Why wear it on your sleeve. If you must live a gay lifestyle, why must everyone be involved? why do you need everyone to accept it? Two things I can't stand to see
1. A man on the parade route holding a sign that says "God hates Fags".
If you really are a Christian, act like one!
2. A man marching in a parade because he wants you to see his gay pride.
Why wear it on your sleeve? I am a heterosexual, but am I proud of it? Not so much I though I needed to march and let everyone know.
Websters defines marriage as a union between a man and woman.

Sweet Lilly

2006-06-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

I put the bottle of wine down on the counter. Had to rearrange a couple of things to make room for it. "She's probably had a busy day with them" I thought to myself since the kitchen had baby bottles and cerial bowls lying around the counter tops. I removed my cell from belt and plugged it into the charger.
"Da Da.......Da Da" I heard comming from 7 month old Lillian.
"Thats right Lilly, Da Da's home" Jen said.
I went from a tired man who just finished his 14 1/2 hour day to a guy who just won the lottery. She's been saying "Da Da" for almost a month now, but this time was a little different. This sounded as if she was calling out. Instead of "da da da da da" as a means for chatter, it had purpose and meaning. This time she was calling for me.
I walked into the den and there she was in her Jumperoo. That huge smile over came her face. She sprung into action with excitement, bouncing her body in every direction. Made me feel like a million bucks. This was almost as good as the first time she cried when I walked out of the room. Yeah, she'll cry if you put her down and leave the room, but when both Jen and I are sitting on the couch and she cries when just I leave, Wow.

Ode to the Code

2006-05-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Although I am a fan of Tom Hanks acting, it looks as if my wife is going to forbid me to see the Da vinci Code. I personally don't have an issue with the movie. My wife's point is that Dan Brown is intentionally creating controversy with alternate theories about Jesus, that he claims to believe is possible just to make a buck. To some degree I have to agree with her. The reason for me is simple. Although I haven't read the book (I personally am not a fiction reader). I know several people that have. The first person I met that read the book was a complete stranger. I was thumbing through the book at a BJ's (local store), and a complete stranger noticed me and could not refrain from insisting that I read it.
"It really makes you think" she said.
"Really makes you think about what" I asked, because at that time I knew very little about it.
"Oh, it will make you reconsider everything you learned about Christianity" She bragged.
She was just so excited about it, she was practically dancing around me as she rambled on and on. One of my wife's relatives also stated how it changed her views about Christianity. I have heard there phrase "really makes you think" from a few people. Not long after the BJ's incident, My wife and I watched a show on the Discovery Channel that basically debunnked the so called "Fact Page" of the book, one by one. They explained why each Fact doesn't support the general theory that Jesus actually married Mary Magdaline and had children, and their descendants now "The Holy Grail". Discovery channel is by no means conservative.
I understand the appeal of the theory. Imagine if you were a liberal Christian and could except the theory. The blood line of Jesus still here! He is just being kept hidden by a secret society. Wow how exciting! Or even better, your not a Christian, then its kinda "ha ha, your savior had sex". Anyone with half a brain knows it is complete garbage. Makes me worry about all the "makes you think" people out there. Why people can't just enjoy the book as fiction, I don't know, But because of all those people that the Da Vinci code makes em think, my wife won't let me see the movie. Thanks a lot!
Actually, I should be thanking you. It appears you may have saved me from wasting 9 bucks. After last nights premier. True Christians have little to worry about. Most critics didn't care for the movie. One even said the movie makes it seem more unlikely than the book. Another said it was long and boring (2 1/2 hours). Another claimed Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou had poor chemistry together. This surprised me to no end. Hollywood being somewhat anti-Christian, I figured they would make this work. Not that the lack of money was responsible, 125 million for Ron Howard to make the film.
Truth of the matter is. I, as a Christian, do not call the Da vinci code theory wrong because I am afraid it would change how Jesus is portrayed. That it goes against biblical account does not make me shake in my boots. I, as Christian, know the truth. It is not the bible that gives me this. It is that I have been given the truth by him. I have had it since I was a boy, perhaps baby? It has been revealed in great moments of clarity. I have squashed this truth at times intentionally and embarrassed of it. I suppressed it and gave myself to open minded naturalism for a time. Your logic may call my intelligence into question. But I know the truth. If you can't see it, it because your not ready. I hope someday you are. Jesus tells me that I will be ridiculed for believing in him. For all of my life I wasn't ready to accept that. Now I think, what a small price to pay. What the heck was I thinking? He put his son on the cross, and I am worried about what the neighbors will think. Oh man, I am so sorry.

Axes to Taxes

2006-05-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

The Senate is sending a bill to the president that will finalize Bushes original tax plan. As usual the debate between democrats and republicans runs ramped. This latest bill is really a prevention of tax increases rather than cuts with some exception. Taxes is one of the largest philosophical differences between the two parties. Most democrats argue that this bill, like Bush's other tax breaks only benefit the rich and screw the little guy. Well....I'm the little guy. Since Bush has been elected how has my finances changed? I have three children. Under Bush's new tax laws, I personally, receive a minimum of 3,000 dollars additional each year. Three thousand bucks! I actually got a check for 3,350 dollars back from Uncle Sam this year. Does that help me, the little guy? Damn right it does. I don't know what I would have done without it. I got a lotta mouths to feed and diapers to buy and so on. So I'm tired of hearing these cuts only help the rich. Fact is, every single family in America that has children gets at least 1,000 dollars more than they used to. And this last bill will help 15 million more family's by raising the alternative minimum tax by approx $4,000. What does that mean? Currently if someone makes over $75,000 they can't take any itemized deductions. This was originally intended to keep the rich from taking deductions, but it is so outdated that $75,000 used to mean you were rich. Obviously, that is no longer true. So by raising that number by $4,000, fifteen million more Americans will be able to claim itemized deductions, like medical care and property taxes and so on.
How can we give ourselves tax breaks in these times? We have a deficit to pay off. Education needs better funding and so on and so on. Democrats can't see giving tax breaks when additional funds are needed to accomplish these things. It is so simple. I don't know how the left can argue it, but somehow they keep doing it. Fact is, even with these tax breaks the federal government income has risen every year since the cuts were enacted. When you get back $3,000 dollars what happens to that money? You buy stuff you need. Clothes for the kids, new tires for the car and so on. That money generates additional taxes for the government. It creates jobs. It is such a simple concept, why can't they see it. Yes it is true, the rich will benefit from the tax cuts as well. God forbid we let the rich keep more of their money. The simple concept works with the rich too. If they have more money they will spend more, ....Duh. If it disgusts you that the rich are getting richer, then just hold your breath until you pass out. When the rich get richer so do the middle class. Its a fact. You can cry about it all you want but the trickle down effect is real.
So lower taxes mean more tax revenue. Why not just keep lowering taxes? Well, it's not that simple. Eventually there is a ceiling. Obviously if you kept lowering taxes to .001 percent, the government would go broke. There is an ideal rate that generates the most growth and income for the government. What is that rate? It is unknown and will always fluctuate. But the fact that our taxs cuts have caused the tax income to rise over the last few years, tells us that we are still above that ideal rate. So what's the argument to not lower taxes?
My biggest fear is that if the democrats get back in control of office, I am going to have to give back my 3,000 bucks. Then perhaps the crack whore mother that used to live upstairs from us can go back on welfare. Yeah I know that sounds shallow, but its true. In Mass. If your on welfare you must work once your child is 6 years old and in school. She has a 12 year old, a 6 year old and a new born. You do the math! Entitlements breed the needy. While I was busting my hump to make $7.80 an hour and support my family in my shitty little apartment, I watched as my lanlord refinished her whole apartment because it did not meet the welfare deptmants specs. Meanwhile I couldn't get him to buy me a gallon of paint. while she was out smoking crack all night, her kid would come knocking on my door and ask for something to eat. So I am feeding her kid while she's smoking my taxes. Say what you want about Bush, I am not really one of his biggest fans. But if you think our economy is better served without these cuts, your nuts. Socialism sucks. It spits out laziness, and lays motivation to rest. Allowing one to reap another's reward. Man should share his reward with his fellow man, but under his own accord. Without the guidance of government. Be generous and help your fellow man, but don't yearn for your government to direct how that happens

Rubber Game

2006-05-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest rivalry's in all of sports (the only one I know of that can be seen as a true rivalry), The Boston RedSox vs. The New York Yankees. Game three of the tied series will be played tonight. The rubber game as they say. My beloved Redsox, always the underdog. If you don't follow baseball. I suggest you try to watch and learn about the game. To the outsiders of the sport, it seems a slow game. "Way to boring" some say. To the uneducated on the sport, it may seem a bit like golf. But to those who know what each pitch means. The 3 balls 1 strike count, with "BIG PAPPI" David Ortiz at the plate. You know he has the green light from the manager. They can't walk him because Manny Ramirez is up next. Don't want to have anyone on base when Manny comes up. The most feared one two punch in all of baseball, facing the evil empire. If you don't live in New England and your not a RedSox fan, I am so sorry. Even my wife, who despises all of professional sports, can't help but be a RedSox fan. For those who live in or about Baltimore, I am sorry. For those of you who live in Florida, I am truly sorry. To have never tasted a Fenway Frank at Fenway Park. To have never walked the concourse at Fenway Park on a breezy summers day, with the electricity flowing through the air charging each fan. No park has housed more history. No other park has such faithful fans. Who come year after year. The only park in all of baseball that sells out every single game (literally). Even without our 2004 world series win, they came. Never an empty seat in the house, never! When were losing 10 to 2, they stay, right up until the bottom of the ninth, they stay. Go to Yankee stadium when there down 7 to 2 in the bottom of the sixth, and you can sit anywhere you like. Not the Fenway Faithful. We love self punishment way to much to leave a losing game early. Meet any RedSox fan and they know each player and where their from. What their stats are. How pretty their wife is. You get the point. For 86 years we were the biggest losers in the sport, and the most proud of it. Now anything is possible. If the RedSox can put one under their belt anything is possible. The only thing just as sweet right now is beating the Yankees tonight. Doesn't matter who else we beat throughout the year. Winning tonight puts the yearly standings between us 3 to 1. Just like Darth Vader, Johnny Damon has turned to the dark side, and we need to teach him a lesson. Yes Johnny, George Steinbrenner is your father.

Every Day Heros

2006-05-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone who donated to team Seth, Hope and Faith. We raised about 455 dollars for the March of Dimes. Danielle (above) even got 30 dollars from her classmates. I'm so proud of her. Over all, this single walk raised 75,000 dollars! And they have these walks all over the country. 1/3 of the money goes to helping family's through a pre-mature birth. Such as medical care, paying for family's to stay away from home when hospitals are far away, and so on. 1/3 of the money goes to research. March of Dimes funded the discovery of the polo vaccine, they also funded the discovery of surfactant (drug that prevents prematue babies lungs capularies from collapsing). This drug alone has saved countless lives. Much much more could be listed. The last 1/3 goes to education to help inform people what to do to prevent premature birth. So I assure all that your hard earned money went to a good cause.
It was windy and a bit nippy, but the sun was out all day. We managed to walk 4 of the 6 miles (sorry no refunds). They fed us well with donated food. Then at the end of the day we bought some raffle tickets for a long list of small prizes donated by local merchants. We ended up winning the grand prize! One night stay at Heritage House hotel, and two 50 dollar gift certificates to their restaurant. We also got 2 free movie passes. So again, Thanks to all of you. People that are willing to take their hard earned money and put a little to a good cause are every day heros!

Joshua and Lillian toughing out the windy day

Depressed about Dafur

2006-04-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

Its time for the UN to send troops into Dafur. This story is very complicated. Its tough to really know all the facts that get filtered through our western media. As Americans, we want so much to pick the good guys and bad guys out of any conflict. Every time I read about Dafur I try to pick out who should be delt with to put an end to this. Is it the Sudanese government? They swear they are not in cahoots with the Janjaweed. They are sending out police forces to keep the peace, so they say. The Janjaweed? They would seem like a favorite, since they are mainly Arabs and are accused of most of the war crimes including rape and murder. The SLA or JEM rebel groups? After all they started the escallation of this war right? What made them rebels in the first place? These conflicts have been going on for 20 years now. In 2003 it finally rose to what many are calling genocide. I honestly don't know what the answer or solution is. I don't know who is to blame. I am not a really into the United States getting involved in something that doesn't involve our national security, but if indeed 400,000 people have been killed then we can't keep looking the other way. Although this should not be led by the U.S. It should be led by the UN. Problem is the U.N. investigators say the genocide is not happening, just war crimes. Well isn't war crimes enough? Is one of the purposes of the U.N. to stop war crimes. We are not talking about a couple of Iraqis or Al Queda being slapped around in an interrigation room here. Were talking about the real thing.
Now the violence of the Janjaweed is spilling over into Chad. There are 200,000 refuges from Sudan now in neighboring Chad. It is being reported that the Janjaweed are raiding villages there now too. If you want to put it in black and white terms it seems to me if the U.N. put together a coalition of troops and stop the Janjaweed from continuing their raids, this would be the place to start. Although many Arabs appear close in appearance to the black africans, even that may not be as easy as it sounds. But at least their presence could put a stop to the violence. I honestly can't say this is the right answer. But something should be tried. I know there are people that understand the situation much better than I, that can lead some effort. One thing I do know, is that if you don't address the root cause of the situation, it will come back again. One of the root causes is lack of resources to live on, and the other is lack of organization from the government of Sudan in enforcing laws and protecting what did belong to people. How do you make a government fix that? The more I think about it, the more hopeless I become about it, but we shouldn't give up. Thank God My children live in the USA
Its always a good time for a couple of Massachusett congressmen to get some good publicity
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2006/04/29/2_bay_state_congressmen_arrested_at_sudan_protest/

First Words?

2006-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

If you could see Lilly's smile. How it lights up a room and any heart thats within visual distance. Her mouth gaping wide open. Open large enough for a scream, but not screaming. At the same time her cheeks pulled way up, letting you know her delight in seeing you. Doesn't matter how tired I am or grumpy. Her smile....wow. Perhaps its because in seems unrealistic that another person could even be this happy to see you,.....but she is. Oh how I miss her during the day. She doesn't understand daddy has to work all day. Does she think about me in my absence? Like I think about her and the smile that pulls me out of any misery. She greets everyone with that same mouth wide open smile.
Some day she will meet someone mean, and she will stop greating all she meets with that smile. I loath that day. For now I shall enjoy.
I repeated "ma ma" over and over to her, not expecting any response. Then she made an expression I had never seen before. As if she was reaching back. Like Roger Clemens in the bottom of the 7th, pitch count 108, 2 outs 2 strikes, he knows its his last batter of the night, so he reaches back for one last 95 mile an hour fastball. Well, I tell you Lilly reached back, her gears churning. Her face straining to use muscles it hadn't used before. Then out it came "ma ma". Well it was more of a cross between "ma ma" and "ba ba", but is was close enough for me. She was trying so hard. Her face looked like she was trying to swallow a whole lizard squirming in her throat as she mustered out her hard earned words. I was so proud. I called my daughter Danielle in from the next room. "Watch this" I explained, but no repeat would Lilly perform. Minutes later her Grandmother soon followed by her mother. I told the story of what I heard to be Lillys first words. I was dismissed as perhaps insane by all family memebers as I repeated "ma ma" to Lilly trying desperately not to be looked at as a fantasy filled father with ears that make up baby words. Lilly not even interested in looking at me now with a room full of choices of people, made her usual cooing sounds. Lilly had struck me out. I was left to go back to the dugout of shame.
She will soon repeat these words for all to hear. What do I say then? I told you so? sounding like a 8 year old jerk? Truely in my heart, I hope my wife forgets I even told her about it. This way she will be the first one to hear Lilly say her name. This is what Jesus teaches. But just by writing this I am breaking his rule of "do not let the left hand know what the right hand does" (or vise versa?), since I am letting all of you know. If my wife reads this then I am definitly breaking the rule. But if she does read this, then at least she'll know who heard Lillys first words. Nah Nah

Team: Seth, Hope and Faith

2006-04-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

When we were very young , Jen 17 and I 19, we had our first daughter Danielle. She is a blessing and without her my life would have been a mess having no one to tie me to any responsibility, I would never be working for Gillette and probably spending most nights in a bar. I was always very content with one child. For a long time I felt as if I could barely support my family as is, never mind add more children. Jen would always bring it up from time to time. She always wanted more children. We had a two bedroom apartment and certainly could not afford a house, so this was my excuse for many years. Then when I did get the job at Gillette, the new money not only gave us a house, but gave me a severe substance problem as well. Through these years Jen did not really bring up more children. Since staying a family was perhaps all she could muster at that time. Then something happened. I snapped out of it. It was almost to where I was going to loose my family, house, job, everything that made me worth anything. It took some time to get back to normal, but I did. For the first time in my pathetic life, I became a man. Somehow Jen knew who I was many years before I did. She saw my potential and rode out every shitty year until I grew up. Although I have always loved Jen, it was here when I fell madly in love with her. What she had done for me. I always tell people that are thinking of getting married – before you get married, you better deicide that if this person was to become paralyzed tomorrow, would you still love them, would you stay with them and push their wheelchair forver. If you can not answer yes, then don’t get married. Well, I was paralyzed for those years, and Jen pushed me around in my wheel chair(figuritivly speaking). Thank God I can walk again, so she gets a turn at a good life. As part of this good life she deserves more children. Something she has always wanted, and now I do to. Only problem is, Jen now has severe P.C.O.S. a disease similar to diabetes, that prevents her from ovulating. So we got help form Boston I.V.F., a well established clinic that helps people in situations like ours. Jen had a moral objection to I.V.F. so we did I.U.I., which is basically just using drugs to stimulate ovulation and ultrasounds to decide when to fertilize. The actual conception still happens naturally in Jens body. Only problem with this method is that you have no direct control of the number of eggs that can be fertilized since the drugs over stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs and we still have intercourse to fertilize them, leaving the number of eggs fertilized up to chance. When you hear of septuplets, this is the process used. It was just our second cycle trying. When it came time for the test, we were pregnant. The excitement that came with it was wonderful. We went to Dr. Weiss office to see the progress of the embryo and to verify pregnancy. On that visit the doctor told us we had three embryos, but that one looked small and may just disappear on its own, so most likely we would have twins. We were saddened by what may be a loss of one of our children, but took comfort in the fact that it was natural and must be of Gods design for us. On our next visit our doctor told us that all three embryos were thriving. I replied with “cooool”.
“Cool”? the doctor said.
I did not know what else to say. It is really how I felt at that moment. But I could tell from his reaction that medically speaking, triplets were not so cool. My wife and I were dumbfounded. The whole ride home we kept looking at each other and saying “triplets?” The doctor asked us if we wanted to reduce the number of babies. He explained the risks involved with triplets and they were not good. Jen and I objected to reduction. We could not see intentionally killing one to insure survival for the others, especially because when reducing, there is a high risk of ending the whole pregnancy.
It took time to get used to the idea. I remember on the one of the ultrasounds, the technician was amazed at how healthy they looked. Each one measured perfect. The blood supply was perfect and so on. At that time I started to get used to the idea this might actually have a good outcome and we could have three healthy babies. People kept saying how much work it would be and all those things, but I never really saw it that way. I don’t think I fully understood the danger of a triplet pregnancy either.
It was a Saturday afternoon. I work 12 hours on Saturday so I still had a few hours left until my shift was over. I was on the production floor most of the day. At 3:30 I went into my office for something. Soon as I opened my door I could hear my phone ringing. I picked it up and Jen was crying wanting to know where I was and that she had been trying to call me.
“I lost one of them” she said. “I might loose the others too, they don’t know yet”.
“Where are you” I said. That feeling rushed over my body, where you feel so much pain, yet somehow you’re numb at the same time. Nausea and hunger fighting to get control of your stomach, a kind of dizzy feeling. After I hung up and told my boss I had to go and started to race for the door. That 25 minute ride to South Shore hospital seemed like hours. Praying the whole way that God save my other two babies, but knowing somehow that God was going to stay out of it. When I finally got there and consoled my wife as best I could, I got all the details from Jen and the doctor. One of triplets (my sons) water broke. This is what made my wife come to the hospital. Ultrasound revealed that he was already dead. The other two (both girls) were still alive, but the doctor seemed convinced we would loose them all when my son came out, which he said would happen shortly. He asked us if we wanted to induce labor to just get it all over with. We asked if there was any chance that the other two could somehow not be born and just the one could come out. He said it was remotely possible but recommended just evacuating them all, as he put it. I could not believe what he was saying. There was a chance that we can save my daughters but we shouldn’t even try? I am not a great judge of character sometimes, but this guy just looked stupid to me. His demeanor, the way he spoke, his expressions. They just were not that of a confident, intelligent doctor. Not that it mattered anyway. If there was any chance of saving the girls, we were going to do it. So we insisted we were not going to evacuate anyone, and we would just wait it out and see what happens. They moved Jen toa private room and we began the wait. Jen layed there while I sat beside her, waiting for our dead son to be born, and praying he wouldn't bring his sisters with him. I have never felt so powerless. The woman of my dreams was laying there with her dreams falling apart. Her son taken from her, but his body left for her to deliver. I cried with her, thats all I could do. It wasn’t but a few hours later, Jen said she felt something as she was going to the bathroom. I had hoped I would have more time to contemplate what was happening, but I also wanted to get it over with. It was a relatively easy birth that took about 45 minutes to get him out. All the while we didn’t know if all three were coming or just one. We also had no idea what he would look like only being 19 weeks. Seth was still born that night. Jen and I took turns holding him, talking to him. We each told him how much we wanted him and how sorry we were that he didn't even have a chance. We even had pictures taken so as to remember my first sons’ sweet face. He was beautiful. That was Seth, my beautiful little guy. We cried and cried that night. We did not let them take him until several hours later. Looking back at it now. I am so glad we got to spend that time with him. They asked us what we wanted to do with him. We could have a funeral, or they would take care of him (which meant he would be medical waste). We decided that we wanted them to keep him until we knew what would happen with the other two.
Right after the birth they tilted Jen slightly upside down to try to keep any pressure off her cervix to allow it to close. It seemed to be working. And they started her on antibiotics for one week. Many times over the next week Jens fever came and went. Each time her fever grew they would bring her over to the birthing unit, because fever meant infection and that meant the babies had to come out. The actual cause of death for Seth was Chorioamnionitis, which means his amniotic fluid had an infection. This would likely spread to the other two, so each time Jens fever came they told us it was time to evacuate the twins. We would always beg them to find another reason for Jens fever. I would tell them I can’t kill my girls unless I knew for sure. One of the times they thought it was possible that she had a urinary infection. So they would put her back on antibiotics and her fever would go down and buy us some more time. Finally we decided that we should stop all antibiotics and see if her fever would come back (you can’t cure an infection in the womb with antibiotics, but they will mask the symptoms temporarily). So eventually her fever came back and they brought us back to the birthing unit. Once again we pleaded. This happened perhaps 6 times over two weeks. I suggested a amniocentesis to check for the infection rather than just evacuate the babies on a assumption. This way we would know for sure and not kill our babies for nothing. They gave in. When they drew the fluid from the sac it came out cloudy with a bluish tint (should be clear). The doctor said this was blood from the delivery and was not good since blood has sugars which are a playground for bacteria. The way it works is they take the fluid and use it to grow bacteria over the next three days. If there is no bacteria present then they won’t be able to grow it. Most often if there is bacteria, then it will grow within 12 to 24 hours. After 24 hours we had some good news. No bacterial growth yet. In the mean time one of Jens blood test pointed to infection. So they wanted us to deliver yet again. They started to pack jen up and bring her back to the birthing unit. I talked them into retaking the blood test. I told the doctor is was an error. She humored me and had another test done. Meantime I prayed and prayed. The doctor came back and told me the test was negative. At that moment I felt that God was finally going to intercede. All the while I kept praying. I told God that if he will give me some sign that these babies will be OK, I will not let them induce labor, no matter what the tests say. Needless to say, I did not get a sign, and I was looking everywhere for one. After 48 hours still no bacteria. We were almost there! Jens spirit could not be lifted. It was as if she knew the future the whole time. Day three of the bacteria test, it came back positive for a very dangerous bacteria. The end was here. I had no more tricks up my sleeve. There were many other things that happened during that two weeks, way too much to write. We fought a good fight Looking back I thank God we did. We are only now coming to terms that we induced labor. What if we never fought? What if I never argued with the doctors?
Jen was sleeping when they gave her the drug to induce labor. I don’t think it could have happened any other way. I don’t think she would have allowed them to put it in. These babies were a bit bigger and the labor was not nearly as easy as Seth’s. But they were both born alive and we actually got to spend time with them before they died. Not at the same time. Faith died before Hope was born. But we spent over an hour with each one prior to their death. We had them both baptized while they were alive. They were absolutely beautiful. They looked so good we couldn’t help wonder was there something they could do? But the nurse read my mind before I even asked. She said when their eyelids are still fused (can’t open yet) there is no possible chance. I could see there little hearts pumping. If you looked very closely, their chest would flutter each time their heart pumped. Never has a pain hurt me so. I will watch my parents die someday. It will be tough. People will loose their brothers and sisters as will I, that will be very painful. But nothing on this planet will prepare you to hold your child while her heart beats for the last time. I can assure you there is no greater pain. You will not sacrifice your life for you parent or siblings. You will however, not hesitate to lay down for your child. I only wish I was given that opportunity. The nurses took pictures of me holding my babies. It was so morbid to have these pictures taken that it made me sick, but I needed them. I needed to know that I would somehow be able to remember how beautiful their faces were.
We buried all three babies together. It was a very private funeral with family only. Jen made a blanket that wrapped around all three. We bought a nice stone with all there names on it.

Seth Michael Fisher
Faith Anne Fisher
Hope Trinity Fisher

This is a summarized story of how we lost three of our children. I once decided I wouldn't share this whole story. Much of it was left out. Some of the painful moments need to between just Jen and I, since this tragedy has made us more as one. I am not looking for pitty at all. Everyone will have some tragedy in their life that may or may not be worse than ours. For those of you that experience something worse, God be with you. For those of you that don't, God be with you. I am sharing this story now because I hope it will inspire people to sponsor our March of Dimes walk. Please go to http://walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=466050 and give just a little.

Predictions

2006-04-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

One of the problems of the Intelligent Design theory from most critics is it can't be a legitimate theory unless it can make a prediction. Evolutionist say that the theory of evolution will predict that all finds in the fossil record will align with some species lineage. Younger fossils will look more similar to todays living creatures while older fossils will look more and more different from what we see today. I cant see any fossil find that would not somehow align with something in that prediction given the number and variety of species known.Since many of us I.D.ers believe in a so called micro evolution, this only complicates the issue. I will dare make what I think to be a solid prediction that would only fit the I.D. theory.
As technology advances, we will discover that all parts of all species will serve its origional function or very closely related function. Parts can become vestigial but not serve a pupose other than what it was designed for. All parts must have an origionally designed function. Since all species piece parts are specifically designed to serve a purpose, whenever the enviorment changes in a way that prevents a piece part essencial for survial to accomplish its job. That species will die out in that enviorment.
I am kind of thinking out loud here. And I am probibly not the first to say this . An article from Science AAAS sparked my thinking http://sciencenow.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/2006/419/2
This article is not proof of what I am saying. We already know the human brain can be somewhat adaptable, which in a way goes against my prediction. But that can be debated in that I can refrence the whole brain as piece part that was designed to serve one purpose, control all thinking needed to live. the prediction falls in a way that we will never see the brain used digest food. Nor will we ever record that the nose will used to go to the bathroom. Whatever functions all parts serve at present will remain the same or become vestigial.

WalkAmerica

2006-04-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

April 30th we shall walk. My wife has arranged for us to walk for the March of Dimes "WalkAmerica". So far we have raised about $300. Hopefully we can get much more. My wife, daughter and myself will push the twins for the 2 1/2 mile stretch along the Cape Cod Canal. We are walking in honor of our lost triplets, under team name "Seth, Hope & Faith". I am thankful that after two years of misery when it comes to talking about our triplets, my wife can finally associate our tragedy with something constructive. This has been very therapeutic for both of us.

We are asking for more donations! Please help us out. March of Dimes does great work, and is a good cause. Today the cut off for survival is about 24 weeks gestation(with some thanks to the work done by the Dimes). That limit could be pushed further and further. If you would like to donate go to http://walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=466050

Thanks to all the guys at Gillette for helping out!

V for Veft Wing

2006-04-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Just got back from vacation. My wife and I had our first date in perhaps two years. It was nice, dinner and a movie. We saw "V for Vendetta". I really enjoyed the movie. I know everyone always says the media and hollywood have a left agenda. With Fox news leading the nation, I must say that the media is a bit more balanced these days, but Hollywood? I am not sure. I have never seen a more politically charged movie. The theme is that England has become a dictatorship and is now the worlds super power. Of course this only happens after America has somehow lost the war in Iraq and ends up in shambles. The evil dictatorship is run by what was the conservative party that came into power using Christianity and a viral hoax (the conservative party planted this virus in school children while in cahoots with a drug company that had the cure already to go) . There is even a scene where one of the films heros has a forbidden Koran and explains that even though he doesn't agree with its doctrine, he can still see the beauty in its passages. The movie would not be complete without a sexually deviant priest that gets off with under age girls. The movie seems to be some type of warning of what will happen if conservative trend keeps its momentem. The coruptness of religion can only lead to censorship under the guiss of God will, is another point driven home. Hollywood doesn't have an agenda? Whatever. I did like the movie though. It did have that Matrix feel to it, and a very cool twist.

Stand up

2006-03-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

Who are you? It has been said men shouldn't discuss three things, politics, religion and their wives. In discussing these things men become enemies. I agree that if alcohol is involved and either party is intoxicated, then yes, this rule should be followed. But otherwise we should engage (except for wives). I am writing this because I often try to discuss the subject of abortion and notice people often shy away from my rather strong view that it should be illegal. If you are against abortion, let people know. If you are pro choice then don't be afraid to defend it. Put your fist on the table and demand that people know why they should be allowed to kill. Don't hide under the guise of choice. Pro choicers should have the burden of proving this is not murder. It shouldn't be pro- lifers having the burden of proving it is murder. That's easy, if you stops someone's heart from beating its murder.
Who are you? What do you stand for? If you want to say I stand for freedom, and a woman's right to choose, that's OK. Why cant this extend to her 3 month old baby? Why would you remove the woman's right to end the life of her 3 month old baby. That is what its all about right, freedom, right to choose.
Here is Websters definition of murder :The unlawful killing of one human by another, especially with premeditated malice.
Baby's that are not born yet are still classified as human. As well as an abortion is done with premeditated malice, isn't it? So by definition, abortion is murder. Unless you can say that an unborn baby is not alive yet. Do you pro-choicers believe that? A infant living in her moms uterus is thinking, dreaming, moving, breathing embryonic fluid, even going the bathroom, but is not yet alive? The few people I meet that will defend abortion say things like "its more complicated than that" or "what if a person was raped".
I will admit there can be issues where it can be complicated, Missing chromosomes and you know the fetus will die and other special instances. But abortion of a healthy baby is by definition murder. What do you want to stand for? Freedom to murder for all woman? Put your fist on the table and explain why. Stand up for what you believe. Don't look the other way. People think that this issue is coming back to the news and politics because right wing wacko's are somehow super powerful and can achieve unjust things. I believe that it is because the 30 or so years since abortion had been legal is enough time for all the woman who have had abortions to age and become wiser, and now look back with regret. I don't believe in people standing outside an abortion clinic and yelling murderer at the poor girl walking out after she had an abortion, because she will feel regret for her own decision for the rest of her life. But I think if there aren't any abortion clinics in the first place we will reduce the number of woman getting abortions. And even if it doesn't, laws should reflect what is wrong or right. Laws against heroine don't seem to limit its use, but making it legal is not the correct answer. Stand up! Explain why you are correct in what you believe. Make an argument for your case and lets have dialog. Perhaps you haven't even reasoned the whole thing out yet so your not sure? Then do it! Stand for something!

The faucet keeps running

2006-03-11T05:36:00.000-08:00

Cassini space craft is back in the news this weeks with claims of discovering geysers that erupt spewing water. You can check out the latest images http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/cassini/main/index.html
Something doesn't appear quite right with these images, for some reason the moons gravity doesn't curl any of the water vapor back to the moon. The water vapor just seems to float right out into space. I am not making any claims here. For all I know this is perhaps exactly how a geyser on Enceladus should behave. Its Just, when you look at the volcano's on Jupiters moon IO the material spewed returns to the moon (granted it is sulfurous material rather than water vapor) after being spewed 500 kilometers. It seems we are obsessed with finding water in our solar system so we can say it might have life. It was the stated purpose of sending the two rovers to mars. I am afraid we have a serious bias to discovering water. When water could have nothing to do with extra-terrestrial life.
These pictures are obviously some meaningful discovery, I am just not sure they are as simple as water geysers. But I know J.P.L. can analyze the light spectrum to get info on chemical make up, so if they say its a geyser spewing water then it must be. Just seems to float awfully far into space as if the moon has no gravity.
Anyway if you check out the Cassini web site look at some of the radar images from Titan. They show all types of different typography, from what could be oceans with shore lines to sand dunes. Some pretty cool stuff. The hazey atmosphere of Titan makes it impossible to see, but their radar images are in such high resolution that it almost looks like a photo image.
The Cassini space craft has been flying (or orbiting for better term) around the Saturn system since the middle of 2004 (launched in 1997) , and will keep on doing so for years to come.

Intelligent Nature

2006-03-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

If God created life, Did life come about naturally? The actual definition of natural as it relates to biology is "Not produced or changed artificially". So I guess we would have to answer the question is only human interference considered artificial? Or is Gods interference also considered artificial.
I have recently been debating Dr. Pigliucci (and friends) on the subject of evolution
http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=15005476&postID=114118185759772703
I have been on the fence for some time as whether I believe in evolution or Intelligent Design. For the sake of this debate I was neither, just taking an anti-evolution stance to play devils advocate. As I was conducting thought experiments in my head trying to picture macro evolution. It hit me. This never happened. I feel now beyond a doubt that macro evolution (at least the way science says it happened, didn't. I will explain why in a minute.
I am no biologist. Have a minimal understanding of genes and how most micro biological processes work. Neither did Darwin. Darwin did not know what a gene was. So to understand the most important part of evolutionary theory you must be a good physical and mechanical thinker (not that genes don't play an important role) I have learned evolution quite well from a physical prospective. The main process responsible for evolution is purely physical. Yet when I debate evolutionists. They insists I need to have my doctorate in microbiology and so on. I ask the simple question of "How does macro evolution produce complex features" ? Such as a human foot, or all the body parts required for reproduction. I always get referred to some book or article. The person understands it fully but doesn't have the time to tell me, but if I just read such and such I will find the answer. This is no better than saying creation is true because the bible says so.
Along these debates it occurred to me that in order for macro evolution to produce a mechanical features (where there wasn't one before) then gross macro mutations would have to cover the species that developed it. If it happens by chance random mutations, then it requires thousands of bad mutations to get one good one that would be part of a bigger macro mutations. These mutations would be visible everywhere in nature, but they are not.
If your interested, post a comment and I will get into detail with you.
Which leads me back to the original question. I think many people don't like intelligent Design because it somehow leaves the scientific realm of explaining how something happened, and goes into the supernatural realm of explanations, thus making it unnatural. That's why I think if somehow I.D. could somehow be put into naturalistic terms, more people would accept it. The movement can't be driven by religion as it currently is. It must be driven by people like myself that don't have a problem with evolution because of religion (I would have no issue being a Christian and believing in evolution). I just don't think evolution works. We need to move Intelligent design forward by leaving church behind.

Stomach Ache

2006-02-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

He was in some type of pain.
Holding his small body against my chest.
Kicking, screaming, he doesn't understand it.
Walking in circles changes his scenery, helps him forget.
Soon sharp pains return and remind him. He looks to me for help
My eyes tear up.
I want him to know his pain hurts me too.
With his every scream my rib cage curls in and punctures my lungs.
Making it hard for me to breath. Breath out any words that might have comfort.
He so tired now, but his alarm clock belly wont shut off, just keeps beeping.
He has yet to commit his first sin, but one is committed against him. This is how the world is Josh. Sometimes we are put through what we don't deserve. Sooner or later we all deserve it. But not tonight Josh. Tonight you are paying for my sins.
Finally..... sleep little boy. I will stand over you

Morning comes, mother bends over the crib to show you her face. Your amnesia smile, innocence restored. No memories of bacteria belly's. Just the familiar woman with love in her voice.

Drakes Cakes are yummy (but don't add up)

2006-02-23T07:42:00.000-08:00

The Drake equation? For those of you not familiar with it. This is the equation that shows mathematically the number of alien civilizations that must exist. You have probably heard of it at some time. Usually when discussing UFOs in a conversation, someone inevitably says "oh yeah. They've proved mathematically that there are aliens, because of the vast numbers of......" blah blah and so on.
Here is the actual equation - N= R* x Fp x Ne x Fl x Fi x Fc x L
Here is the explanation of the factors
N is the number of intelligent civilizations in our milky way galaxy able to communicate with us

R* is the rate of formation of stars suitable for the development of life
This is valid. We can basically count how many stars in the milky way are similar to ours.

Fp is the fraction of those stars with planetary systems
We are just beginning to detect planets around other stars, never mind planetary systems. So far we can only detect very large planets like Jupiter. So getting an accurate fraction for this will be possible in the near future, but is not possible right now.

Ne is the numbers of planets per system suitable for life
In any way, shape or form could we know how may of the planets that are out there are suitable for life? Of course not. Remember, we don't even know how many planets or systems are out there, never mind what defines whether or not they are suitable for life. As if you can say 2 out of five planets are suitable for life. We cant even begin to comprehend what it would take to figure out this fraction.

Fl is the fraction of planets that are suitable where life actually appears
Since we have no idea how life actually begins (there are guesses, but if we knew the exact process, we could duplicate it) how can we give a fraction on life actually beginning, when we don't know exactly how it begins.

Fi is the fraction of life bearing planets where intelligent life actually emerges
As if we know the chances that life will eventually become intelligent life. What is it 33.3677 percent ? 68.2 percent ? 3.222 percent? How would you even begin to come up with that number?

Fc is The fraction of these intelligent civilizations that release detectable signs of their existence.
So somehow we know that if there are 247 intelligent civilizations, that 129 of them are sending messages to us. Again how do you come up with a fraction for this?

L is Lenth of time that these civilizations release these detectable signs into space
As if we can not only can we figure out how many intelligent civilizations there are, we can figure out how long they will last sending radio signals.

The SETI institute actually uses this formula to prove to the rest of us that there are aliens trying to talk to us.
Don't get me wrong, I love to imagine there are other beings out there. I would love to experience Close Encounters for myself. I will not say it is impossible. Anything is possible. I will however say, that we can not predict the probability of intelligent life out there with any accuracy. So just because there are billions and billions of stars out there, it doesn't mean anything (except that everyone can have one named after you for $62.95). We only know of one that contains life. And you can't come up with any type of statistics when you only know of one. This formula is the most gross case of accumulative error, I have ever seen. It basically says, lets take something we have no idea of knowing and multiply it by something else we have no idea of knowing, do this four or five times and then we will know how many civilizations are out there trying to talk to us. I am not even against SETI getting some moneys to monitor for aliens. Just dont tell me you already know how many there are before you have heard from any of them.

Weekend Update

2006-02-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

An update on the twins.
We heard Lilly laugh for the first time on Monday night. She kept giggling everytime Jen spoke to her in a silly voice. Might not sound like much, but how it sends a pleasure chill down your spine to hear your childs happiness in the form a giggle for the first time. She seems far less fussy these days. She tries so hard to talk, making all kinds of coo sounds. I sit for hours with her having imaginary conversations. She just puts so much effort into communication that I have to let her think its working by responding with "oh, I understand". It keeps her yapping anyway. Sometimes when something else catches my attention and she notices I am not paying attention to her, she lets out a big yelp to get my focus where it should be..... on her.
Josh must weigh a ton by now, making his little sister seem light. I feel like I'm picking up a six year old. He is not quite laughing yet, but lets out little grunts when he is being tickled. He is becomming a serious momma's boy. Dad can make him smile when he is happy, but Mom can make him quiet when he is fussy. He looks so much like my dad. No one else has those floppy ears. Josh coos all the time too, but with a little less variety of sounds. The changing table seems to be Disney land to him, thats where he does most of his talking and smiling.
Not a day goes by that Jens doesn't asks me if these babies are real. They sleep a good 8 hours at night giving Jen and I some well needed rest. They are truely a dream come true.

Disclaimer

2006-02-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

I hope anyone reading this blog understands that this blog contains my personal opinions. This blog is not directed at any individual(s). I am not trying to convert anyone. A blog is a forum for someone to speak their mind and conduct healthy debate. It is in no way meant to insult anyone, discredit anyone, or make anyone feel uncomfortable. If it does any of these, then I have a solution.... Dont read it. If you wish to be taken off my distributuion list so you don't have to keep getting E mailed, just let me know and I will be happy to do so. If you disagree with something I say and it pisses you off, put a comment for your opinion. Let everyone know what a fool I am. Wont be the first time I have been wrong, definately wont be the last. If you know me, then you know that my mind can be changed. I consider myself pretty open minded. But if your sitting there thinking to yourself, this guy is writing this blog just to piss me off or offend me, then guess what.......Your so Vein.... You probibly think this blog is about you!

Of Mice or Men ?

2006-02-09T06:04:00.000-08:00

We value the mouse more than we value the human. It s insane! Read this headline - http://www.news.wisc.edu/11985.html This pretty much sums up where we are heading as a species. Two controveral subjects in the media, embryonic stem cell research and using animals for science. You can see which one wins out. I guess were more worried about the rath of animal rights activists than we are about killing humans. Does someone actually read this headline and go " Oh thank God they figured out a way to do research on human embryos without killing any mice"?

Deep Thoughts

2006-02-05T05:51:00.000-08:00

Did God feel Pain when Jesus was nailed to the cross? When I watch the "Passion of the Christ" I have to wonder about it. "The Passion" was a great movie. The only part I don't like about it is how badly Jesus was beaten. Not because of the violence, but for two reasons. One is that if Ponchus Pilot gave an order to Roman solders to beat someone, they would of followed his orders to a T. I don't think they would go to far beating someone to death if they knew they would have to answer to the highest local Roman authority. The other reason I don't like the extent of the beating is because it seems to negate the impact of dying on the cross. In this movie the dying on the cross was just adding insult to injury (literally). It appeared that Jesus was already dead (given a day or two) weather they crucified him or not. I always believed the actual crucifixion was what actually killed Jesus.
So back to the original question, did God feel pain when Jesus was crucified? I think I would have to say yes. Could this be making it a sacrifice for us, not just from Jesus, but from God? I suppose an argument could be made that God, being all powerful, could accomplish sacrificing his son without feeling pain. Or could he? Is there somehow some laws that even God must comply. Or perhaps he doesn't have to, but he makes himself comply to give some type of order to the universe and purpose to things even for him. You could go in circles trying to answer this. Perhaps when he made Abraham almost kill his own son, he was making him understand what he was going to go through.
Imagine some murderer taking your son out into the woods and nailing him to a tree and torturing him while he died. Is this how God felt? Perhaps we shouldn't discuss Gods feelings as if somehow we can understand, but it sure does add something else to someone dying for the sins of the world (as if that isn't enough). That man has a mother and a father, and a FATHER.

Don't go by the Light

2006-01-28T07:08:00.001-08:00

The new discovery of what some call the tenth planet from the sun UB313 has finally got a face. In December the Hubble captured the first image of it, revealing that it is only about 1% larger than Pluto. Not the 25 to 50 % origionally thought. The origional size was calculated using just light reflection not actual size as the hubble can detect by measuring the six pixals it took up. The object relects about 92% of its light, unlike the 60% Pluto relects, was the cause for the error. Showing it must have an icy surface. It makes you wonder about many of the other objects we look at in space. One of the ways we calculate the age of the universe is by measuring light from distant stars. Anywho, More recently the Keck observitory in Mauna Kea captured an even better image discovering a moon orbiting UB313. Ground telescopes used to be inferior to space telescopes because of blurring caused by the atmosphere, but today new tecnology in adaptive optics is achieving amazing stuff allowing for images beyond imagination. This allowed the Keck telescope to discover a moon that Hubble couldn't see.

Out of this World

2006-01-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

Today is the day! The New Horizons space craft is scheduled to launch today from Cape Canaveral from 1 to 3 o'clock. The space craft will be the first to travel to Pluto and beyond into the Kuiper belt ( where they recently found a body larger than Pluto called UB313). I am quite excited about the mission. Only problem is we won't get to Pluto until about 2015, but at least its on its way.
Most astronomers consider Pluto to be a member of the Kuiper belt and not really a planet. But recently two more moons were found orbiting Pluto along with the moon Charon. So some astronomers are now more apt to call it a planet. To me, names are not important. I can't wait to see what we find out. Since they are not going just to find out if there is water like we are on Mars, more good science can be done without the preconceived notions that life may have existed. I am more interested to see what the Kuiper belt actually contains. Many theory's have been made, ranging from a dense asteroid field to a scarcely populated area. But we do know that most comets started out in the Kuiper belt. When all the planets align just so, every once in a while it pulls one of those body's out of the kuiper belt in to the inner solar system, then it either hits the sun or orbits it becomming a comet. So to infinity and beyond goes New Horizons today(since it wont be returning).

Silly Lilly

2006-01-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

Since I did a little tribute to Josh I figured I should do one for Lillian too. I have taken so many pictures of her but they never seem to show just how beautiful she is. Either her eyes are closed or she has some funny expression on her face. Even though the lighting in this picture is poor, it really shows her beauty. I suppose I am looking through a fathers eyes, but come on, look at this kid! Lilly is a very fussy one. She needs to be held for most of the day. If you cradle her in your arms she will still probably cry. She wants to be on your shoulder in a hugging position. She makes the most lovely squeaks and noises. She hums while she drinks her breast milk. She is always the first one up in the morning, and somehow manages to move herself across the crib while Josh is exactly where you put him down ( I have yet to figure this out, I have watched her time and time again, and she doesn't move an inch. I think when I leave she just gets up and walks to a different position just to freak me out). As in the picture, she is easy to get a smile out of, and lights up a room when she does. I noticed recently that she stops crying when she sees me coming to get her rather than after I pick her up. That tells me she is a little more aware of what is going on around her, so perhaps she will be a smart little bugger. I love that she wants me to hold her all the time. I love that she cries when I give her to someone outside my family, then stops crying when I take her back. I love you Lillian.

Baptismal

2006-01-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we Baptized our twins. What a neat experience. Father Ken from Saint Bonaventure gave a very nice service. Joshua did not even pout while he was being splashed and Lillian never even woke up! A good friend of mine from Gillette, Paul , was the Godfather. We origionally planned to have my daughter be the Godmother but they wouldn't let her because she has not been confirmed. So we went without a Godmother. We had a lot of family which was nice. Only a few couldn't make it ( I guess the ones without phones).
I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride throughout the day. Most of the other babies had fancier Christening outfits on than my twins did, although ours were quite nice. But we were the only couple that had two babies. I felt twice as blessed as everyone else. I felt proud as we stood in front of the whole church proclaiming our children belong to God. I did not want to get down again. The night before I was devisatated by the Patriots loss, how quickly that feeling went away as the things that really matter take over your thoughts. There is always next year.

40 days and 40 nights (of painting)

2006-01-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics of my babies room. I meant to post these before they were born, but couldn't get a digital camera until Christmas. I spent many hours painting a Noahs ark theme. total cost was about 20 bucks for paint and brushes .

Bug Eyed Boy

2006-01-07T04:00:00.000-08:00

Black and white pictures have a way of capturing a moment that a color picture just can't do justice sometimes. I am very proud of this picture. Not because I am some kind of photographer, because I'm not. It took me about 40 shots to get this one. But because I think it is the first picture that shows some of Joshuas personality. He is a sweet boy. Sits in his bouncy chair all day not making a peep, while his sister cries unless she is held for every moment. When he does cry (only if he is hungry), his cry is this soft, delicate cry. Not a loud cry at all. One you could easily sleep through for 10 or 15 minutes before you notice it. He actually says the word "waaahhh" as he cries, but he does so with a soft tone and a tenderness that will break your soul. His cry sounds more like the love of his life just broke up with him or he just lost his best friend and he is crying alone in his room, not for anyone else to hear. Most of his time is not spent crying though, he is a very content little guy. I feel bad sometimes that his sister gets more attention than him because she will let out her cries when just the least bit uncomfortable. While she is being pampered, he waits patiently for someone to pick him up and spread some attention his way. So look at this little boys face staring back at you, he is ever so grateful to have someone lugging him around, fixing his next meal for him, while someone else is saying his name trying to get a good picture. His patience has paid off and he knows his mother will hold him tight while he sucks his nourishment and stares at her face.
I saw his very first smile while I plucked his bottom lip like a guitar string. He gave it just to me. The very first smile a new man gives to any human alive, and he gave it to me. I tried to share it with my wife, but he wouldn't have it. I guess it was my gift alone. I have no picture of that. Nor do I need one. Not even a 100 mega pixel camera could show you the gift Josh gave to me. The gift of his very first smile.

Christmas processing

2005-12-25T16:01:00.000-08:00

To the right is Josh after his noon feeding, passed out in minutes! Below is Josh with the excitement of a bottle on its way. Must be nice for life to be so simple, Big people come, put food in my mouth. I go to sleep, to allow processing. Then deposit processed food into diper. Then Big people come back, remove processed food and start over again.

Above and to left is Lillian being held by monster in law, I mean mother in law. It is very difficult to get a picture with her eyes open, but I assure you she is absolutly beautiful. Notice she is just beginning her food process. Which mean we just finished changing a diaper ful of poop. I figured I'd spare you the picture. I hope everyone had half the Christmas I did, if you did then your doing just fine.

Gods Ears

2005-12-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

As I hold her to my chest I feel her head bobbing. Searching for a nipple or just restless. I begin to whisper into her ear. The bobbing immeadiatly stops. My mouth not an inch from her ear. I tell her about all I know. Something catches my attention and my talking stops. There... the bobbing starts again. She's pushing her head into my neck, trying to get the talk to start again. Several monotone grunts untill I start to whisper once again. Her ear takes the love right out of my mouth and funnels it into her head. The love fills her head making it too heavy to lift. She soon swallows it and her body goes limp. I tell her of my day, meaningless chatter. Somehow her ear changes what I say into Christmas stories and tales of horses running on far away mountains. Her tiny feet, toes in a curl, stick out of the bottom of her gown. 3rd down and six yards to go, removes my attention from her. They can't keep punting on every possesion. The bobbing starts again, along with sweet grunts of a soft voice. I start to whisper once again,
I make myself small and crawl into her ear.
Let her know she has nothing to fear.
Let her know that my arms are strong.
That I will lift her up and take her along.
Whisper to her, she need not be afraid.
That these are the moments for which I have prayed.
She soon drifts off to sleep, taking my stories into her dreams. How much does she know? She lets out a sigh as I lay her down next to her brother. He will watch over her for now. I worry about keeping this home for them forever. I want to give them this life. I want to give it to my wife. I want the lord to give it to me.
He has........

Accumulative Error

2005-12-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

What is accumulative error? The concept is simple. Lets say you need to measure one mile. If you have a tape measure that is one mile long, you will be quite accurate perhaps within 1/8 th of an inch or so, not to shabby. But lets say you only have a 12 inch ruler. One mile is 5,280 feet long, so you take the ruler lay it down, draw a line at the end and then move the ruler to the line and draw another line. If you do this 5,280 times you will be one mile, right.....Problem is, when you pick up that ruler and move it to the line , the line may be 1/16th of an inch thick, so do you go to the middle of the line, the outside of the line, the inside? You may be off up to 1/16th of an inch each time you move the ruler. Doesn't sound like much, does it? By the time you do this 5,280 times you could be off 27.5 feet. So if you were to use this method to find someone's house, you may end up knocking on the wrong door.
In the world of science, accumulative error is rarely accounted for. I was watching Discovery channel, and they were showing the evolution of the horse. They carefully mapped out the family tree 55 million years back to a creature called hyractherium. I thought to myself, what if just one of those ancestors is wrong. The whole thing could be wrong. We don't actually have the DNA, so decisions about ancestors are made on appearance alone. So we could be compounding accumulative error. It took us almost 50 years to figure out that T-Rex didn't drag its tail, so do we really know that much about appearances of fossils. I am not saying that the trail of equuis ancestors is wrong. I'm just saying that we should never accept it as fact. Always be skeptical. If one of those ancestors in the horse tree is wrong and perhaps belongs in another group, then the accumulative error compounds even more. Not just for the horse group but for whatever group it really belongs. Even more, if evolution doesn't happen The way we think it does, the error could be even higher. Every scientist has a preconceived notion of what he expects is correct, its human nature.
I once watched a show on the T-rex, where two well known paleontologist debated over the behavior of T-rex. One (I think it was Bob Barker) felt that T-Rex was a fast moving hunter, quick and agile. The other, felt that he was a slow moving scavenger. They both used the size of the upper leg bone verses the size of the lower leg bone to justify how fast he could run. One said that the lower leg bone was larger than the upper leg bone. Other animals that posses this quality such as ostriges run very fast. The other said the upper leg bone was longer than the lower leg bone, and animals that posses this quality such as iguanas, move very slow. I'M watching this thinking to my self. They are measuring the same damn animal. How in the hell can they get different measurements. I think one was including the knee (which isn't even there) in the upper bone measurement and the other was counting it in the lower (or perhaps ankle was included). Point being they both have a preconceived idea of what they expect to find and manipulate the data to their favor. Sometimes an unproven idea gets kicked around so much it becomes fact. Such as the Big Bang theory. And others build on that unproven fact. Hence, more accumlitive error.I know people that think the DaVinci code is real!
As Ben Franklin said "We don't know 1/10th of one percent, about anything"

More success

2005-11-20T03:35:00.000-08:00

To see some additional cases of adult stem cell therapy success check out this link http://www.cogforlife.org/adultStemCellSuccess.htm
The more I research this. The more I realize how ridiculous it is for the media to portray this research the way they do. I want everyone to realize that I'm not sure weather or not embryonic stem cell (E.S.C.) research is unethical or not. What many people don't realize is that embryonic stem cell lines are derived from a blastocyst. A blastocyst is the stage of embryo that is 3 to 7 days after conception. It contains about 150 or so cells. A blastocyst can be manually divided and create identical twins. Other manipulations are possible where nucleus transfusion can create a human with different DNA. It could be separated in half and have one half with a nucleus transfusion thus creating paternal twins rather than identical. So one could argue that a blastocyst is really a precursor to life and only contains cells with information. Since we can change who that person is at the blastocyst stage then perhaps it isn't life yet. I don't care which side you take on this argument, you have to acknowledge that this could be life in some element. And as long as it could be,we should err on the side of caution for life.
God has given us the means to elimate the controversy altogether.
Many make the argument that E.S.C.'s are pluripotent, meaning these cells can become any type of living cell. Where adult stem cells can only become specific cells. Scientist are finding that adult stem cells are not as limiting as once thought, as well as there are many different types of adult stem cells. They are not only found in bone marrow, but in other parts of the body such as the nasal cavity and skin. Each different adult stem cell can perform different therapies. So we are finding that limitations once thought of are perhaps not really there. The real bottom line is, you can't argue with results. Embryonic stem cells have never ....Ever...ever been used (not even once) to treat a human being for anything. If you check out the above link, you'll see what adult stem cells are already treating, never mind what the future holds. God has made the choice easy for us. It's as if he saying to us "go ahead, heal yourselves. Here is the means of doing it, without killing anyone or anything. I give you a tool for your science to work with that will work miracles". But we are saying back to him "but there's no controversy, I need to choose to kill one to save another. I need it to be more complicated. Please God make it more complicated"

Supermans not running scared, he's not running at all

2005-11-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Controversy is news. Truth is not. I have written about the stem cell controversy several times, and feel it is important to do so, because if you don't do the prodding yourself, will wont get the truth from the media. The fact is, if it doesn't involve embryonic stem cells, you wont hear of it at all. Embryonic stem cells make news, Adult stem cells make progress. Adult stem cells (from bone marrow) have made great strides recently.
Scientists in London have reported that five patients with liver damage were treated by first injecting them with a drug that stimulates their bone marrow to produce extra adult stem cells (A.D.S.). Then the stem cells were injected directly into the vessel leading to the liver. 3 out of 5 of the patients had increased liver function and overall improved health within two months of treatment. The only other treatment for serious life theatening liver damage is donar replacement. Which involves a lifetime of drugs to prevent rejection (if you don't die before getting a liver).
Also korean scientist injected umbilical cord stem cells into a paraplegics spine. She was paralyzed for 19 years from an accident. At a press conference recently she stood upright and crudely walked with the aid of a walking frame. I think about Christopher Reves campaining hard for embryonic stem cell research in the hopes it would would help him walk again. Perhaps if he directed all his Hollywood friends to put the money into adult stem cell research rather than embryonic stem cell research he would have walked one last time before his passing. But adult stem cell research isn't controversial, so how could it be beneficial? To this day most people believe that embryonic stem cells has the promise of healing everything. Mainly because if some scientist makes a small step of progress with E.S.C., its plastered all over page one in hopes to create some controversy. While umbilical cord stem cells research is getting the paralyzed to walk and A.S.C.'s are healing badly damaged livers, you wont even hear about it. While the politicians debate on weather or not embryonic stem cells are morally just and should be funded, think about what adult stem cells could accomplish if we stopped worrying about E.S.C's and sunk all funding into A.S.C's. You can either debate about the promise of E.S.C.'s to heal something someday, or go with the one with proven results healing stuff right now, Duh!

First Days

2005-11-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of my daughter Lillian Grace on her second day of life. She had to spend it in the N.I.C.U. hence all the wires. She had problems keeping her body temp up and in turn her blood sugar kept dropping. My thanks to all the wonderful nurses at South Shore hospital in Weymouth for taking such good care of my baby (especially Risa). As I sat with my daughter worrying and feeling sorry for myself, I looked around at some of the other baby's that had far worse issues than Lilly. I then fed Lilly her bottle and counted my blessings. I knew she would fight through this basically miniscule problem relatively speaking. I brought my other daughter to the NICU to visit Lilly. They told us That Danielle could not come in because she was not 16 years old. Danielle immediately started to cry right in front of the nurse telling us this, and said "but that is my sister". Tears rolled down my face. Not because Danielle couldn't see her sister, but because it was that moment that I realized how much Danni loved her new sister and needed to see for herself that she was OK. This prompted the nurse to get Lilly and bring her to the window so Danni could see her. I am truly blessed

Ups and Downs

2005-11-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

Well, Josh and Lilly are two weeks old yesterday. The day after they came home my washing machine broke. With twins we obviously had laundry piling up. We are completely broke because I have been out of work helping Jen. Got the new washing machine from Sams club (cheapest one I could find). Then a couple of days after that a pipe sprung a leak soaking the basement. Luckely I have learned how to sweat a joint in from the last time we had a leak. So I fixed that leak and the very next day we sprung another leak. I fixed that one and yesterday another leak further down the same pipe. So this morning I replaced that whole pipe. Each time something went wrong I felt really upset only to be reminded shortly later of how unimportant all this stuff really is by two beautiful babies. This picture shows my daughter Danielle on left and neighborhood friend Sara on right. The day we came home from the hospital these two girls took it apon themselves to clean our entire house to surprise Jen and I. My daughters birthday party had to be posponed twice now because of the arrival of her siblings, she never complained or even mentioned it. I hope we can raise our new ones as well as her. Danielle is a very attentive big sister. I have felt her distancing Jen and I since she has entered her teenage years only to be brought back closer to us by her new siblings. These babies are a blessing in every way.

Sleepless in MA

2005-11-11T20:01:00.000-08:00

Lillian in her endless slumber
Joshua copying his sister

Welcome!............Welcome Joshua and Lillian to life outside the womb. On 11/1 Joshua Xavier Fisher and Lillian Grace Fisher came into our life at 2:03 p.m. and 2:05 p.m. Josh weighed in at 6 lbs. 4 oz. and Lil weighed in at 6 lbs. 1 oz. Not a bad size for 36 weeks. Lillian spent one night in the N.I.C.U. due to blood sugar and tempature issues that are typical of month preemies. After that night she was just fine.
I keep getting asked if were getting any sleep. The answer is no, but who cares, were having a ball. They are just wonderful! Jen and I are a pretty good team and we manage. Our Daughter Danielle is loving her brother and sister, she is very attentive and a big help.

Hold my newborn in my arms, a complete stranger, who are these tiny people and why am I so worried about them, falling in love with them each passing minute. Stranger turns into son. Stranger turns into daughter
Watching him look at me and try to make some sense of it. I see myself through his eyes.
To smell her hair as her head shakes about, trying to find a nipple that isn't ready just yet.
I hold him on my chest because he wont sleep unless he's held, as I catch half awake naps.
Like it is in Heaven.
Little cries like a cats meow or a puppies whimper giving me purpose.
Witness their sleep and keep it for myself.
Only I can hear their swallow songs as they take in their milk
Made up words to made up songs to console their restless minute
Bring us all back to innocence, I breathe in your new air, your new spirit.
I breathe your new person, all your good, all your life.

I will spend these next months of a lifetime caring for my newborns Josh and Lilly. Little else will matter. Jen and I will share sleepless nights and love every minute.

Crunch Time !

2005-10-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here is an update on my wife and myself. A lot has transpired in the last week, and haven't really had a chance to call or tell anyone. Jen and I went in on Wed the 26th for the babies weekly stress test (they monitor the heart beats for 30 min or so). They checked Jens blood pressure and it was high. After checking several more times, the doctor felt Jen may have Pre-eclampsia. This is a very serious illness, dangerous to both Jen and the babies. They immediately admitted her and began a 24 hour urine protein test. This came back 290 (300 is considered positive). So Jen was border line. The doctors and us agreed it would be best to keep Jen in the hospital until she delivered. They warned us that Pre-eclampsia progresses and we would probably be delivering in the next couple of days. Jens blood pressure kept varying, sometimes high sometimes low. She did not have the ankle swelling that commonly goes with Pre-eclampsia. But did have other symptoms, such as headache and blurred vision. So now the doctors were calling it episodial Pre-eclampsia. It is now Saturday. Jen is still at the Hospital. I somehow managed to work my shift for 12 hours Thurs and Friday and I'm leaving at two o'clock today. I have been spending the nights sleeping at the hospital while my mother in law is watching my daughter. Thank God my work week is almost over and I can take care of my wife. Jen is OK and it looks as if we will make it to at least Tuesday Without delivering. She is scheduled to have her cerclage removed on Tues. I am hoping to talk the doctor into delivering on Tuesday. We already have a tenitave C-section scheduled on that day at 2:30, just in case she starts to dilate when they remove the cerclage. In my opinion waiting only increases risk since pre-eclampsia causes blood platelets to drop and can prevent blood from clotting. This can cause complications during C-section. Jens blood is good now, so we should just do it. 36 week babies are considered full term and usually do very well. Jen told me that the doctor wants to try and get her to 37 weeks, but from 2:30 on I will be there with her and can be involved on the decision making. Jen has been through the ringer. Its time for her to hold Josh and Lilly in her arms rather than her belly.

Sound of music

2005-10-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd give a quick update on the Fisher happenings. My wife had an ultra sound last week. Both baby's look good and both weigh 5 lbs. 6 oz. We have a C-section scheduled for Nov 15, but she is having her cerclage removed on Nov 1. Many woman dilate and go into labor immediately after cerclage removal. So there is a good chance Lillian and Joshua will enter this world in 1 1/2 weeks. I am ready. I keep getting warned about sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, but its exactly what I want. The sound of a baby crying in a restaurant bothered me at one time. Now its music to my ears.

Cant wait to pay more for gas?

2005-09-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

I want to weigh in my opinion about the oil crisis. I just filled my home heating oil tank a couple of weeks ago, cost me about 550 dollars, and that was only 2.60 a gallon. I got it one day before the big hike to 3.30. I really cant afford that. I'll have to cut back elsewhere. I will have baby's in the house this winter, so I will have to run the heat high. That will cost me a bundle I'm sure. I have a hundred mile round trip to work every day. Thank god I have a Toyota Carolla (39 miles to the gallon), but it still cost me 35 bucks to fill instead of the 20 of a couple of years ago. Yes I am complaining, just like everyone else, I'm hit hard. Imagine the old widowed lady, can barely make ends meet. How is she gonna heat her house this year? It will hurt many Americans, this fuel crisis of ours. And yes I understand that this is not a simple supply and demand situation. That this crisis is fabricated by the oil executives. And I am tickled pink by it all ! Why ? You may ask. Why is this one of the best things that ever happened to America ? Because of a simple rule. That rule is "necessity is the mother of invention". I'll give you an example. How long have we been hearing of these hybrid cars? Since the late 80's ? The technology certainly is not new. So what's the problem, why did it take so long for the hybrid to appear in full force? Its simple, no demand. What reason did anyone have to buy a hybrid. Gas has been so cheap for so long. Today there is a 4 to 6 month wait for a Toyota hybrid. Where do you think Toyota is putting a large part of their R&D money right now. I can tell you there not trying to come out with a big gas guzzling SUV. I can guarantee they are putting money into fuel cell technology, solar assisted electric-gas cars, rotary engines, ect. Like I said, Nessesity is the mother of invention.
I'll give another example. For about 10 to 14 thousand dollars you could wire up your house to run on solar power. For about 20 grand you could do solar power and heat. With the average electric bill under 100 bucks a month, it would take at least 10 years to get that money back. Who the heck is gonna do that? Last month I paid over 250 dollars just for electricity. Guess what, 4 or 5 years to get that money back doesn't sound so bad. I may consider it if gas goes up any more.
All this being said, there will be growing pains. You will hear horror storys about this person not having heat or that person can't afford to drive to work and gave up his job. You may even experience a horror story yourself. At the very least you will have to make some sacrafices. In the end things will be better. We can loose this demonic dependancy to oil. It will be a beuitiful thing. These oil execs are shooting themselfs in the foot and they don't even know it. Other countries have been paying outrageous prices for years. It may sound conceited, but when it happens to America, things will change. Be prepared for the growing pains. You will undoubtedly feel them in some way, but look to the future. The day when your selling electricity to the electric company. The day you stop and get 10 dollars worth of hydrogen and drive for 4 weeks before your fuel cell needs another fill up. The day you heat your house for free with passave solar hot water. Worst case senerio, the price of gas drops back down within affordable range, and all the things I talked about never come to fruition. Then our sons and daughters can deal with the problem later, but I was really hoping we would see it and deal with it.

Jennifer Fisher.....Come on down !!!!

2005-09-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

Can't think of anything scientific or even remotely clever to write about so I'll give an update on the Fisher goings on. We had the Baby(s) shower yesterday at my mother in laws house. It was quite a time. The shower was sort of Jack and Jill. I stood watching my wife unwrap gifts, and was fighting back tears the whole time. As I watched her, I think for the very first time it actually hit me. Were going to have two babys. I talked about it as if I knew, and we went to endless doctors apointments. I have even seen them in ultrasound. I felt them kick hundreds of times. But untill I saw my wife unwrapping gifts, I think it was all surreal. This was someting we did not get to do last time, perhaps that is why it triggered my emotion. So as I was standing there watching my wife and fighting back tears, my mother in law annouced for everyone to watch for the next gift (as she has so many times before). She handed my wife a small gift bag. My wife reached inside and pulled out a set of keys. The whole clan of us quickly darted for the front yard. There parked right in front center was a shiny white Ford Winstar minivan. Now I balled like a four year old on the floor at Walmart. Jens brother Tim is the auto mechanic in the family, so I knew immeadiatly that it was from him. I ran over and gave him a hug sobbing, I think I gave him eyes that were a little watery. I know he understood he was giving us something big, but I'm not sure he understood just what a great thing he had done for us (or he did but didn't look at it as if it was any big deal). Talking to him later and thanking him personally without any one else around he said something like "I work on cars and I can get cars, thats what I do. Its not that big a deal." He explained that the car had been hit in the front end and how he just finished up fixing it this morning. He was so very modest about this amazing gift. I explained to him that it wasn't this car he happened to get a hold of through whatever deal he made to get it that he was giving us. He was giving us this beautiful car that he could of easily sold for 3 or 4 grand or whatever it was worth. Thats what Tim and his family sacraficed for us. Truth be told its not really us that the gift was for. Tim really loves his little sister and he really did this for her. As Jen will tell you about her older brother "He picked on me all the time growing up, but if anyone else dared to, Timmy took care of them"
It is the perfect vehicle for our growing family. How we were going to stuff two car seats and my thirteen year old daughter in the back seat of my Carolla, I dont know. Now I dont have to worry about it. How do you thank someone for something like this? We got tons of great presents. My sister in law gave us two cribs (which I already set up) and all kinds of clothes and other stuff. We literally had to fill a truck and two car trunks to get everything home. My sisyter in law also came up with a great idea where everyone wrote messeges to the babys for a scrap book she bought for my wife. Everyone put down some heartfelt words to my unborn twosome. Thanks to all our family for a great job done for Jen and I.

Its not a plane

2005-09-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

If you happen to be outside tonight right as the sun goes down, look west. You will see two very bright lights. On the left is Venus, and on the right is Jupiter. They will be almost next to each other. With a cheap telescope or good binoculars you can see Jupiters moons- Ganymede, IO (largest volcanoes in the solar system), Callisto, and the icy Europa. You may not see all four because sometimes one or two are behind Jupiter. Jupiter actually has over 60 moons and still counting, but these four are the only ones that can be seen without the aid of NASA or giant telescopes. The two planets will only be visible for a short time and will quickly disappear below the horizon. If you have a high tree line you probably wont see them at all. You can actually see them before the sun totally disappears because they are so bright. This past week the moon has been between the two planets making for a beautiful sight.
To update on my wife, she is still doing well. Almost 29 weeks (Monday). She is getting very large. We are having her shower on Sunday at her mothers house. I have almost finished painting the baby's room. I have painted a mural of noahs ark. The top half of the walls are painted sky blue and the bottom half is ocean blue with waves at the top of the ocean blue line. I completed the ark with animals floating on the most visible wall, a rainbow from the ark to the next wall and disappearing below the water line. I also painted some dolphins under the water and one jumping in the air. Still a lot more to go, it has taken hours and hours of work. I think it is coming out very good, at least that's what everyone says (unless they're just being nice). I hope the twins will enjoy the hard work I have put in to it.
God bless.

26 and counting

2005-08-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my wife Jen is 26 weeks pregnant. The babies are now considered viable. If she were to have them today, there is about an 80% chance of survival. I bought Jen an Ice cream cake last week and had them put "Happy Viability" on it. Who knows what the lady at the bakery was thinking.
We had an appointment this week and baby A no longer has echogenic bowel (could mean birth defects) during the ultrasound. This is terrific news for us. If we can hold on untill 28 weeks the stats go way up for bringing home healthy babys. The babys are constantly kicking up a storm, and it gives me a warm feeling inside every time. We are even getting ready to start the babys room. Almost seems weird, the room that was going to belong to Seth, Faith & Hope will now go to their siblings. I'm sure they would love to see them in it. I only wish all five were sqeezed in there, but this is what God has in store for us. We have the names Jacob and Lilian picked out, but Jen is having second thoughts about Jacob. I like it though.
We always seem to end up watching these baby shows on Discovery Health channel. When we see these little miracles on T.V. we don't know whether to cry over the lost ones or get excited over the ones comming. Tears usually end up winning, but I think every other tear is for Joy and every other for pain. Its been an emotional year for us, but I think we are closer to each other than we've ever been. I think you can compare it to the bonding of soldiers. My wife and I have been through battle together on many levels. We lost the big fight last year, but I think were gonna win this one. I hope every man has a wife like mine behind them.

Johnnys got his gun

2005-08-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have been writing a love story about a man who starts down a slipperery slope and tries to change after meeting someone , so I decided to share the first chapter. Here it is

CHAPTER ONE

"I gotta take a leak" he said removing himself from the table. He had a glazed look in his eyes that couldn't seem to focus. He didn't stumble, but his walk required extra effort to make up for the lack of coordination brought on by alcohol and cocaine. We were in a old cottage turned house. It was the most they could afford on what was left after drugs. I put my cards face down on the table across from his. This was not the hand to try it, I thought to myself. He may be suspicious since I could easily cheat while he is in the bathroom. I should wait until another hand. The others were in the kitchen. Steve, Trina (Dillons girlfriend), and Matty. I can see them from where I sit in the living room because there is a large opening that connects the two rooms like a big window. Paranoia takes up most of their thoughts, because they just finished smoking a round of coke. Having snorted some lines myself I was high as well, but Dillons below average intellect along with the amounts of substances he has consumed should make it easy to find the right moment.
As Dillon came out of the bathroom he exclaimed in a cocky manner "Trina !.....get another blast ready for me".
"When you gonna be done playin cards" she asked desiring to share her high with him.
Dillon threw back at her "Trina" then he paused as if he was making an important speech "Trina, were playin caaaaaaads. Don't botha me when I'm playin cards".
Dillon took the pipe from Steve and filled his lungs with smoke and exhaled. The room smelled of an ether like gas which intensified every time they lit up. He kneeled back down at the coffee table from which we were playing.
"Your a good kid Johnny" He complimented, "you've always been a good kid" he spoke as if I were his son.
Here I was cheating him while he complimented me. It was easy for me to do, somehow he was evil, and it did not bother my conscience. He had been to jail twice. His face was dark, aged more than his 38 years, his eyes were dark too. He pretended to have values, and I believe he wished he did, which is why he took to me. He sensed my values and wanted to be part of it. He pretended to live by some code that didn’t exsist. Saying things like “I’d never do this or that”. As if I’m supposed to believe this guy smoking coke has some higher moral code that should be used among addicts. Several hands went by. I wanted to make a move. I had experience doing tricks with cards. I had several options, Deal off the bottom, deal myself extra cards, hold the high cards for the next hand. Any of which could be caught, however unlikely, I was drinking and if he caught me I would not escape without confrontation that would most likely involve me getting hurt. He probably wouldn't kill me, but would definitely want blood. What was I doing here? I know I Shouldn't, but his lack of intelligence gives me a confidence that I didn't earn, and I can't seem to give away. So I continued playing and the opportunity presented itself. The pot was big, somewhere around 350 dollars. I had 4 hearts with 3 more cards coming, an excellent chance at a flush and he was working on a strait. The next two cards were dealt face up and neither was a heart. He had his strait, and now the last card was dealt face down. I picked it up and it was a diamond. I quickly put the diamond in between the four hearts and hid most of the card so just the red bottom of the diamond was showing(at a quick glance it looked like a flush.
I quickly let out a yelp "YESSSS, I did it".
I figured if I spent too much time pondering the cards he would be suspicious, so I quickly laid them down and said "flush" then started picking up the money.
He glanced at my cards quickly and began to admit his defeat "I figured I had you with a strait". In came Trina her eyes raised at all the money on the table.
She threatened "you didn't just loose all that did you!"
He snapped back "Trina ...I'm playin cards, you know to leave me alone when I'm playin caaads".
I quickly reached for all the lay down cards to try to reshuffle before anything was noticed.
Just before I had them all swept up, Dillon snapped his hand down on top of pile of cards. "Let me take a look at those" he said as if trying to figure out where he went wrong.
I picked up my hand and let him look in hopes that enough of the cards got mixed up to prevent him from figuring out what just happened. My heard pounded, I could feel it in my ears. I tried to control my breathing and managed somewhat. When he flipped the cards over I could see that they were pretty much just as we put them down.
In just a couple of moments he let out a "HEEEYYY, what the fuck is this!", as he picked up the seven of diamonds.
I tried to appear confused, “whats what" I said. He grabbed the coffee table that weighed about 150 pounds and flipped it at me. As I guided the coffee table around me and to the floor, I was showered with playing cards.
Now Steve the owner of the house heard all the commotion and came in the room exclaiming "what the fuck dude, go easy!".
Dillon fired" he cheated me for 200 bucks, who knows, he could of been cheating me all night".
I immediately began taking money out of my pocket, I quickly counted out 200 dollars and said "Here Dillon take the money, it was an honest mistake".
I could see in his eyes that he wanted to believe me, but his experience with low character people (like myself at this moment) would not let him trust me. At this moment I realized my stay here was done. The trust I had earned in these past couple of months bunking at Steves’ house was undone, and it was time to move on. All over a couple of bucks! I thought to myself, if I'm going end this, then I'm going get as much out of it as I can. Dillon started to come toward me.
"Hold on one second Dillon" I said trying to buy some time, "let me show you" I quickly started toward my back pack.
His curiosity froze him, and bought me just enough time to reach in my pack and pull out my gun. I pointed the gun right at Dillons’ face.
"Who the fuck ARE you dude?" Steve said in total disbelief.
This man he befriended and let into his house thinking he was a harmless drug buddy was now pointing a gun in his best friends face. They now realized that they had no idea who I was.
"You better get the fuck out of my face with that" Dillon said trying to keep some type of upper hand over me.
When he saw that my emotionless face did not change at his request, and that my gun remained pointing strait at his face, his confidence seemed to slowly waiver.
"Dillon, empty your wallet, everyone else do the same" I said calmly.
I explained to them "You will lose everything you have with you now. This is a small price to pay, knowing that you will live long enough to earn it back. But for today, let your money go".
I had Steve collect all the money and then I put it in my pocket.
"Sit down right there Dillon" I ordered.
He took a seat across from me and I sat on the couch facing him.
"Trina, come over here for a sec" I said.
Dillon immediately said "Trina.. you stay right where you are".
I carelessly fired a shot at the chair he was sitting in. It put a hole in his chair very close to his left knee.
"Come on over here Trina" I said being a little cocky.
Steve and Matty looked on in horror.
"Don’t worry hun, I wont hurt you" I tried to reassure her. "Come......come have a seat on my lap”.
Dillon looked at me with a deep hatred, and appeared to be waiting for his moment. I knew I would have to watch him close. This was growing him into a monster Trina slowly sat on the very end of my knee, and didn't really put any of her weight on me because she was so nervous. "Come on honey, slide right over here" I said as I pulled her onto my lap.
"This bothering you Dillon?" I said inviting him to make his move.
He knew it was hopeless, but he still couldn't accept it, It just wasn't in his nature. I saw Dillon motion to Trina to go for my gun. Trina was so nervous I don't think she even understood what he meant. I put my hand on Trina’s thigh and gently stroked up and down.
"Isn't this nice" I said to Trina knowing she was terrified of me.
I don’t know why I was doing this, it wasn’t in my nature. I guess I felt I was taking away the power he always walked around with his whole life. He was a tough person, a person who had to be in control, and this was his nightmare. I very gently touched Trina breast and messaged her nipple through her blouse. She trembled, and made sure that Dillon saw her fear, so that he would know she was not enjoying this.
I looked Dillon in the eye while I continued to fondle Trina and said "How does it feel knowing another man is making your girl wet, that’s right Darren I can feel the moisture right through her pants".
He was very uneasy now, but I kept the gun pointed in his general direction the whole time. I put my hand in her crotch and rubbed her firmly. I actually could feel the moisture. She obviously was not in pleasure, but she couldn’t stop her bodys’ natural reaction. She squirmed forward trying to move herself out of my reach, but I just pulled her back to me and continued messaging her crotch. She made slight moaning and grunting noises from time to time because of her terror and what I was doing to her. But Dillon had trouble interpreting what the noises meant. His insecure side was showing. Even though he knew she was terrified as side of him thought Trina might be enjoying this. I new that fear consumed her. Dillon wasn’t so sure. He started to stand up and before he was even half way erect I fired off another shot. I was aiming right for his leg but I missed and the bullet grazed his pants. He dropped right back into the chair. Trina let out a yelp when the shot was fired.
“Its ok sweetheart, I wouldn’t hurt you” I said.
Dillon rolled his eyes like a teenager.
"Alright hun, I've givin you enough of hard time, get up" I meaninglessly apologized.
"Everyone stay put in the living room" I said.
I went into the kitchen and lit a cigarette off the gas stove. After my cigarette was lit I turned on all four burners full blast so that gas was starting to fill the room. The smell of ether from their coke was strong enough that they wouldn't smell the gas. The two odors were quite similar. I grabbed the rest of the coke that was already in rock form. I walked back into the living room, gun in right hand coke in left.
I handed the coke to Steve and said "enjoy......oh ya, thanks for letting me crash here".
Steve looked at me as if I had just performed a majic trick and made the statue of liberty disappear. I grabbed my backpack opened the door and walked out looking behind me as I pulled the door shut, I could see Trina looking at the coke in Steves hand. I started down the street. If you have ever known people that smoked crack, then you’ll understand why I knew what would happen next.
It wasn't even two minutes later and I could hear the sound of an awkward explosion imitating the sound of a large coffee mug hitting a cement floor. The house went up. I knew they wouldn’t even call the cops. The most important thing was the coke, and I knew I wouldn’t be gone long before they would light up. Expecting the explosion, I tried not to flinch. You know like in the movies when the hero is walking away and the explosions are going off behind him and he doesn't even flinch. But I did flinch, I did keep walking though. I got about one mile from the house when the fire engines and police went blowing by me. The rush I had putting Dillon in his place left me. A depression started to set in.

WHAT HAVE I DONE ?

The 10th rock from the sun?

2005-08-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I've discussed any astronomy. We've got some good stuff comming up. Next week will be a great meteor shower. It will peak on August 12th. If your an early riser, than you'll wanna take a peak outside before you head off to work. From 2 a.m. to sunrise is the best time to watch. If you look east, you will see Mars. It's the brightest object in the sky, and will have a reddish hew. If you find Mars, just keep looking in that direction and you'll see shooting stars. You don't actually have to wait until the 12th. You can actually start to see the showers now through the next couple of weeks. The 12th is just the peak. Right now the Earth is traveling through comet Swift-Tuttle's tail. Don't worry we are nowhere near the comet. The Earth's orbit happens to intersect the comets trail. A comet leaves dust in its trail. This dust is what you actually see as a shooting star. Its particles comes blowing through our atmosphere at 132,00 M.p.h. and burns up.
Astronomers have also discovered a so-called 10th planet. It is about twice as far from the sun as Pluto, but is perhaps 1.5 times bigger. It was first photographed in Oct of 2003, but has only recently been called a planet due to multiple photographs tracking its orbit. Some scientist don't even think of Pluto as a planet. They consider it to be a large body from the Kuiper belt. The Kuiper belt is a disc of asteroids outside our planetary system, but within our solar system. Although some argue Pluto must be a planet since it even has its own moon (Sharon). To me Pluto should be called part of the Kuiper belt, but its been called a planet for so long that its tough to change. The problem with calling this new discovery a planet is that I believe it is just the first of many. With our better technology in telescopics, if we call every large Kuiper body a planet, in the next 20 years our solar system will contain 10 or 20 new planets. All belonging to the Kuiper belt. Never the less, its a pretty cool discovery. This new body has a highly elliptical orbit, I believe at its closest to the sun, it even comes inside Plutos orbit. At its furthest it is about twice the distance from the sun as Pluto. Check out NASA's story- http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/29jul_planetx.htm

P.S. Mars will never appear as large as the moon. If you see this story on the internet it is a hoax. Although this October mars will be close to the Earth and is already very visable with the naked eye.

Weren't you a fetus once?

2005-07-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

Its been a couple of weeks since I've have written a blog. Been busy I guess, that's always a good excuse. My wife will be 21 weeks pregnant with twins tomorrow, and having suffered a triplet loss last year we are obviously biting nails until these baby's are viable. I am not the type to post my misery for others to see, and I'm certainly not looking for pity. The reason that I tell is because through my own experiences, I have switched from pro-choice to pro-life. You can say "well, look at what this guy has been through, of course he is pro-life". Trust me I am no die hard conservative. Its just that I realized that when people are pro-choice, its really about a lack of experience in dealing with preserving life. The arguments I hear just don't stand up. There's the old "Pro-lifers are infringing on peoples right to choose". Rape is a choice, a mother murdering her own 2 year old baby is a choice. So is it really about choice? Choice is wonderful, until your choices infringe on someone else's freedom. Then there is "its her body, you cant tell her what to do with it". To people that believe this, you need to see an ultrasound. I can assure you it is not her body at issue. There are two separate body's, one just happens to live inside the others. The one inside has all body parts in just a matter of weeks. Including a brain, pumping heart(6 weeks) and every other part you or I have. All of the arguments just don't hold ground. A lot of people are pro-choice because they think it is the intelligent people who are pro-choice. After all the liberals are more educated. Doctors perform abortions, and who is more intellegent than a doctor?
People kill these baby's every day. Each and every one is wanted by someone. If you know someone who has had an abortion, ask them if they regret it. Just ask Norma McCorvey, Norma was Jane Roe in Roe vs. Wade in 1973. Norma now leads an anti-abortion organization. Before you brush it all off and stick to being pro-choice. Ask you self, what is murder.? If you say that killing a two year old toddler is murder, but abortion is not. Then you are saying that birth is where life begins. And if you think birth is where life begins, then you need a biology lesson. Not from a church, I'm not arguing from any religious prospective. I mean a science biology lesson. Life does not start at birth. A mother taking care of a baby in her womb is no different than a mother taking care of her toddler in her house. Except the ice cream and pickle part. By the way, my twins that are expected in November are kicking up a storm every night now. If you don't think they are people yet, you haven't felt my wife's belly. I cant wait to meet them.
The issue of abortion can get very complicated. Trust me, I don't believe its all black and white. It can get very complicated in high risk multiple pregnancies. To see what I mean, check out this web page - http://hygeia.org/poems20.htm

I guess what made me pro-choice before was really a lack of thought and understanding of the subject. I always want the most freedom that a person can have, and the most choice to do what I want. We should have the right to be free in every way, until it hurts another human. Nobody would argue that murder should be legal. Its absurd. Murder is taking someones life. There are however, people that don't know what defines life.

But I don't wanna live in Burger King

2005-06-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the supreme court just stepped up the power of government. They ruled that "Eminent domain" can now cover private development. Nine home owners will lose their home in Conn. Not for a new highway or off ramp. We have all seen that happen, it has been common place, as hard as it is for people, you gotta build infrastructure, and there will always be houses in the way. But how would you feel if the owner from Dennys said "I'm gonna buy your house". You tell him its not for sale, but he tells you he is going to buy it anyway and there's nothing you can do about it. This is really an outrage. Eminent Domain can now cover private development, C'mon now! The 5 out of 9 that voted for this argue that this is to revitilize a run down neighborhood, so it benefits everyone, therefore it is for "public purpose". That is absolutely ridiculous! So by that definition. If some rich guy wanted to buy your house to live there and you said no, the government should step in, since if the rich guy now lived in your house he would spend more money than you in that local neighborhood, and this would benefit everyone, that's basically the argument, isn't it?
Why was eminent domain created? its intention was so that infrastructure would not be prevented by existing homes. This was the original purpose of the law. Not so that McDonald's would have the right to buy your house. This is private sector. If it is beneficial for a strip mall to be built where these nine people live then let them offer the home owners what it would take to get them to sell. That is really what there homes are worth isn't it? Obviously people were paid off. Since this is the supreme courts ruling it sets precedence, it can now happen anywhere. I always thought that if Donald Trump wanted to buy my house I was gonna make a couple of bucks, you know, tell him its really worth $400,000. I didn't think he would be telling me how much its worth.

I didn't kill him.....I swear!

2005-06-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have recently learned from my wife that using the pill for contraception may not be so squeaky clean as everyone may think. Most people who take the pill believe they are doing the responsible thing. For most people the "pills" ease and convenence makes it the perfect form of birth control. For the religious it is the perfect form of birth control, since it prevents woman from ovulating, there is never an egg released. So no embryo, no controversy, right! .....Wrong.
Back in the seventies this was the case . The pill contained high doses of estrogen, which all but eliminated ovulation. But with high doses of estrogen came high occurrence of side effects. I'm not talking about dizziness and head aches, I mean heart attacks. In fact one of the first studys done with the original birth control pill showed 30% of woman who smoked while on the pill had a heart attacks along with many other side effects. So the amount of estrogen was lowered to make the pill safer. But over the next 10 or so years, the occurrence of side effects was still very high as long term studys showed. The amount of estrogen was gradually lowered over the years from 150 micrograms to 25 to 35 micrograms today. Even today doctors strongly recommend you do not smoke if on the pill.
Problem with lowering the estrogen levels to safe amounts is that the protection from ovulation was greatly reduced. The drug company's responded by adding progestin in combination with estrogen. This brought chances of pregnancy back down (approx 3% per year). The issue lies in how progestin prevents pregnancy. It works in two ways. First by thinkening unterine mucus, this makes it difficult for sperm cells to swim efficiently. Second by thinning the membrane of the uterus wall (from 13mm to almost 1mm), this prevents a embryo from being able to implant in the uterus. The key word here is embryo. For many that may mean nothing. For many others it is killing life.
The word contraception means preventing conception. Any doctor will define the moment of conception as the second the sperm and egg produce an embryo. Since it is known that the pill sometime prevents the embryo from implanting to prevent a full pregnancy. It is technically not a contraceptive. It may be a partial contraceptive, but it in no way deserves the right to be called just "contraceptive". It is basically lying to the consumer. The are millions of people that are against the destruction of embryos that use the pill. Not of their own fault but the fault of the drug company's and medical community for letting this become intentionally misunderstood. For most OBGYN doctors, woman who come in just for a perscription of the pill, make up a huge part of their income. My wife has used the pill in the past and I was totally unknowing of this information(at that time of my life I probably would not have cared anyway). But the majority of our great country is religious and has a right to know and not be lied to. I have read that the information can be found on the pamphlets that come with the pill, but I am not sure how descriptive it is. With all the talk in politics about embryos. I cant believe that this issue still remains mostly undiscovered. The pill could be responsible for killing millions of more embryos than medical research could ever hope to kill. The fact is, if you use the pill for a long period of time, it is very likely that you have had an abortion and dont even know it. The two hormones that are used in the "Pill" are the same two hormones that are used in the highly controversal "Morning after Pill", or more polictically correct name "emergency contraception". So if you forgot to take your pill, then had intercourse, you dont need a prescription for the morning after pill. You can just go ahead and take your regular pill. This needs to be brought into the light.
This subject must be brought into the light

No mass for the masses?

2005-06-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

If you are Catholic, than the most important thing you can do every week is go to mass. If you are of any other western religion, than I guess the most important thing you can do every week is explain why mass is wrong. I am not Catholic, but have been studying differences between modern religions. The main argument is that most Protestants and Baptists believe that Jesus's act of atonement was final, it does not need to be repeated. He died for your sins once and for all. I fully understand the argument and even see some merit. I actually see merit to both sides. What I don't understand is why the Protestants and Baptists and so on, rip the Catholics for the action of mass, and yet do the exact same thing. Oh yeah, you don't really believe that the bread turns into Christ's body, and you don't really believe that the wine becomes Christ's blood. You do it symbolically to represent the last supper. You act out the last supper week after week, but say it has no significance to you at this time. Or, is it done by fear, Our savior says "whosal eateth my flesh and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life." So are you just acting it out just in case? Making sure you cover all the bases. When your pastor hands you the cup and says "the blood of Christ", do you take a sip and think to yourself "he must have his fingers crossed". When your pastor hands you a bread chip and says "the body of Christ", do you think there is a disclaimer stamped on the bottom of the bread that reads "Not really Christ, just a figure of speach".
When Christ told a group of people that this bread was his actual flesh and the wine was his actual blood. He made it clear he was not figuratively speaking. This made people leave in disgust. His disciples tried to stop them. Jesus told his diciples to let them go. He knew if they couldn't accept this than they were not ready to accept him.
I'm not saying you have to believe in mass. I'm am however saying if you don't believe in it, then don't act it out. Am I supposed to believe that the protestants (which were Catholic at one time, until 1600's) act out the same exact ritual as Catholics, every week Just like Catholics, but don't believe it has any meaning, except figuratively.
I understand there is far more to this debate about mass and it meaning, I'm not saying you should agree with the Catholic doctrine about what mass represents. The mass is performed at every Protestant church, just not believed in. I know, I went through it hundreds of times as a Protestant.

Devil in the details

2005-05-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

I need to make a correction for my last blog. At the bottom I wrote that the illustration from a BBC news article showed embryos being made without male donor sperm, and should have included the male sperm. I was wrong. After researching the Korean discovery much closer, I see that it is not the sperm that is missing. It is really not a true embryo. What is missing is the brain of the author who wrote the article.
The discovery was made by Korean scientists and the process used to create these stems cells is called Somatic nucleus cell replacement. What they do is take the nucleus from human skin cells and replace the donor egg cells nucleus and grow them into stem cells. Most scientist argue that these stem cells are not embryos, only embryo like. The Korean scientist say that these stem cells could not become human, there for are not destroying life. Its as if they can basically fertilize eggs without sperm. I don't know where I stand on this type of research. It gets more complicated by each discovery. It will only get far worse. What is very important is that the media use proper terminology. The first story I read about the Koreans discovery combined two story's. First they talked about the bill before the house this week that wants to allow more federally funded stem cell lines, and how president Bush will veto it. Then it talked about the Koreans discovery. So they made it look like Bush is against the research the Koreans did. When this bill has nothing to do with the Koreans discovery, it has to do with using actual human embryos that are not yet made. This is absolutely ridiculous. American scientists could have made the same discovery the Koreans did using federal money if they had thought of it(no embryos were even used, only donor eggs and skin cells). The media is trying to make it look like (because of Bush) our laws are keeping us behind other countries in the stem cell technology.The left wing media is so quick to make Bush look anti-science, that it will totally fuck up a story. Imagine the poor Koreans, who are probably getting calls from all the extreme right wing Idiots telling them that they're killing people. Perhaps they're discovery will be the way that stems cells that are extremely similar to embryos can be made without actually killing life. I am so sick of news articles with an agenda. This subject is so very complicated even if you were given just the facts, and now I have to read through the left wing idiots agenda to find important info. I apologize for the previous articles mistake. I pray to god that he guide our hand through this new technology. I hope that in his eyes this new line of stem cells is not life, and if it is, I hope he gives us the wisdom to see it. The devil could be in the details. As it stands now, I would be inclined to say that it is not life, but I need to learn more about the science of it before deciding.

Where is the dad

2005-05-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

The war wages on. Not Star Wars, I'm talking about the stem cell war. There is currently a bill before the house that could allow using tax money for more embryonic stem cell lines, not just the ones previously approved by Bush. This bill would allow federal tax dollars to be spent on researching cells from embryos that would other wise be discarded by fertility clinics.
The temptation here is to say "well....They're going to throw the embryos away anyway, so why not use them for research". There may be some truth to the previous statement. Imagine for a moment that this bill passes. Now fertility clinics can sell embryos to research scientist (given permission by parents of the embryos). Having personal experience with fertility clinics. I understand how the process works. Many eggs are retrieved form the ovaries but not all eggs are used to make embryos due to poor quality, and the minimal statistical value that these low quality eggs present, meaning these eggs may produce embryos, but they will produce what is known as a number 3 quality embryo with a low cell count. If your the owner of a fertility clinic and can sell these low quality embryos (of course permission from the donors is needed), you may be more inclined to produce embryos that have little or no value to the parents, but have great value to researchers. Hence, life will be created for research. Everything I've said here, can already happen, since it is not illegal to do this research. With this bill, you and I will be forced to pay for it, and will increase the embryo market quite considerably.
Check out this story from BBC news.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4567253.stm
Notice the picture at the bottom showing you how tailer made cells are made. They show a woman donating an egg, some how it turns to an embrio without any male sperm donar. This is because they forgot that it took both a man and woman to make an embryo (life).

Weightless vacation

2005-05-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

Fasten your seat belts, because the real space race is here. Through the cold war our elders watched the United States compete against Russia for space superiority. We all know that nothing more than a show of power fueled this exploration. Now, times have changed. And for the better. This race is fueled by the private sector, mainly by Bigelow aerospace. Last October Spaceship One won the first X-prize for ten million bucks by putting the first non-NASA American into sub-orbit. As impressive as this was, in my opinion it wasn't really putting a man into space, although technically it was, since he was 71 miles above sea level. He did not actually go into orbit. The beauty of this is that no government money was used. This was financed by the possibility that you or I may want to spend some money to take a ride. The real excitement comes with the next prize being offered by Bigelow. 50 million buckaroos! The stakes are much higher. This is the real McCoy. This time 5 people must make two complete orbits around Earth. Without expending more than 20% of the hardware used. Then they must do it again within 60 days. There are other fine points that must be accomplished, such as the vehicle used must show the ability to dock with an inflatable space station. Oh yeah, best of all is that it must be accomplished by Americans and on American soil, with no government moneys whatsoever. Although they can use government test facilities. There are a few privately owned company's that are well 0n the way. Its not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN! This will happen, and it will happen before 2010 (or else prize is not valid).
The bottom line here is, in my life time, I get to go to space. Yup, the demand is huge, and the private sector is responding. Of course it will be some time before it will be affordable for guys like me, but when it is, I'll be willing to take a couple of bucks out of the old 401k. If your interested in seeing the specifics to the next X-prize or want to find links to see where some of the company's involved are check out Space news web site
http://www.space.com/spacenews/businessmonday_bigelow_041108.html

Joe, you can live......Lisa,you can live......Sorry Lindsy,your gonna be an ear

2005-05-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

The argument to use stem cells for research has been a topic of great controversy. What surprises me is how most people feel very strongly one way or the other, without actually understanding the real issues of stem cell research. At the heart of the argument is weather or not embryonic stem cells should be used. What most people don't realize is that stem cells don't just come from embryos. Most stems cells used in research today come from bone marrow and blood from umbilical cords. Some scientist argue that the stem cells that come from embryos can be easier to work with, or grown into a larger variety of different cells. The fact is this has not actually been proven. What I cant argue with is that embryonic stems cells is an additional resource and could possibly further or speed up the research. That doesn't mean that they must be used or that the same goal can't be achieved using other stem cells. I will say this. . . . If you say that an embryo is not life and should be used for research, than you must have a definition of when life begins after the embryonic stage. If you do not have any such definition, than you must acknowledge that an embryo could be life. If you say life begins at birth, than you should have no problem with a mother getting pregnant, carrying her baby for 8 months, having an abortion and using her unborn fetus for research. Point being, if you want to weigh in on the argument, you should first decide for yourself where life begins.
One of the poorest arguments I hear is that other countries don't have the same moral dilemma as the United States so they are already using embryonic stem cells, so if we don't start using them, we will be so far behind on the technology, we won't be able to keep up. If ten years from now you get a new kidney as a result of the research that went on in France, do you really care? I'm not gonna turn away a French kidney if my daughter is dying. Even if it makes her yell "I surrender" every time someone sneaks up behind her.
I'm excited to see what stem cell research will bring, but lets not kill anyone to save anyone, it kinda defeats the purpose. Using bone marrow and umbilical cord blood stems cells will eventually yield the desired results. Any scientist that spends time trying to make embryonic stem cell research ethical, is wasting time that could be used researching the stem cells that are ethical.

Deep Space Two

2005-05-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

In 1998 NASA launched a ship called DEEP SPACE ONE. This ship used a lot of new technology. The most important being the ION engine. I know, sounds like something from Star Trek. This engine has been around since the 1950's but was put on the shelf many times over the years, it has only recently been perfected. The engine uses xenon gas (similar to helium) and sends it through an electrical charge. The result is an engine that has a very fast output push, but with very low power. This engine could not lift a rocket off earth, it doesn't have the power. In fact even out in space the engine can take months to get to top speed. The best way to think of an Ion engine is to think of a car with no first or second gear, but one gear that would be like 193rd gear. it would take off very slow but eventually would could do super speeds.
Deep Space one was designed to test a whole range of new technologys by chasing down a comet (comet Borrelly) and taking pictures. If you want to check out the other technologys (12 in all) or see pictures of the comet go to -http://nmp.jpl.nasa.gov/ds1/
Although this mission had a lot of bugs (when they got Deep Space One up in orbit over earth, the engine would not start. It took almost two weeks to get the engine started) The Ion engine needs to be pushed to see what it is capable of. NASA needs to start the next ion mission. This engine would be ideal to return a man from Mars. It is exreemly fuel efficent. So c'mon NASA lets get to it.

What a waste of space

2005-05-08T05:01:00.000-07:00

I would like to weigh in on a topic that has been debated in the astronomy field for some time. Is there life in or beyond our solar system? This topic is becoming one of the main debates in astronomy, mainly because of our increasing capability to search the universe. The bigger question is really "could there be intelligent life?". I will never say that anything is impossible. Through out history, most scientist that say something is impossible end up getting proved wrong. I will however say that it is quite improbable that we will have the ability to detect intelligent life.
Take a look at our own planet. Humans being the only animal intelligent enough to detect other intelligent life, have been around this planet for 2 million to 10 million years (depending on which scientist you talk to). Lets say for the sake of argument we have been here for 10 million years. We have only had the ability to search and for other intelligent life for about 200 years. Our planet has been here for about 4 billion years, but the universe has been here for about 12 to 15 billion years. Lets say that humans will be around for 10 million years more before we wipe ourselves out or use up all our resources. 10 million years is pretty conservative, it will probably be much less. Lets use the number 10 million to describe the length of time that an intelligent race survives. 10 million years relative to the 12 to 15 billion that the universe has been here is just a blip. So the chances that our 10 million years will coincide with another intelligent races 10 million years is highly unlikely. Even if the universe is full of different intelligent races the chances of an overlap happening are very unlikely. Picture your back yard at night being the complete universe. There are firefly's that represent solar systems. Each time a fire fly lights up, it represents the 10 million years that a intelligent life has existed. Were hoping that two fly's light up at the same time and have all the technology to communicate with each other, and happen to be looking in the right direction. Even if two fly's light up at the same time the chances that one sees the other is pretty slim. I do in fact believe that there is a good chance that life can and does exist else where in the universe. Unfortunately we will never meet them. I will however say, if we can somehow lengthen our stay without going extinct. If we can survive for a billion years. Or another race could survive for a billion years. The chances of meeting them greatly increase. The only way this can happen is to explore space and to use the resources outside our solar system. This probably sounds crazy to most people. Most people feel that the space program is a huge waste of money. At one time the earth was flat and people thought that the early explorers were a waste of resources. I will leave you with a quote from the movie Contact, "If were the only ones here. . . . . It seems like an awful waste of space"

I can See the light !

2005-05-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last week something amazing happened in the field of astronomy. For the first time ever, man has directly detected an extrasolar planet. Although we have been able to detect these planets for some time now, we have only been able to do this indirectly through two methods. The first is known as the "Wobble" method. Picture yourself holding hands with another person and spinning each other around. You both would spin around equally. Now picture yourself holding a very small child and spinning him or her around. The small child would spin around in a big circle but you would only wobble slightly. This is the same with our sun, Jupiter which is our largest planet, makes out sun wobble, ever so slightly. So they use this method to look at other stars. If the star has a consistent wobble, they can measure that wobble and tell the mass of the planet as well as orbit without actually seeing the planet. The other method is the "Transit" method. This method measures the amount of light emitted by a star. As the planet passes in front of the star. The amount of light that the star emits is ever so slightly decreased, so if they see the star light decrease with a regular pattern, then they know there is a planet rotating around it. Using the transit method is only good for seeing planets that orbit extremely quickly (like every 15 days or less). Imagine trying to detect an earth like planet this way. The light would only decrease every 365 days, so it would be pretty much impossible. Both methods are only good for detecting very large planets (Gas giants such as Jupiter)
Anyway NASA has focused the Spitzer telescope (infared), on two known planets and actually detected the heat emitted from the actual planet. The actual pictures are not very impressive to look at but are very exciting non-the-less. If you would like to check out and artist rendering with animation, go to the Spitzer web sitehttp://www.spitzer.caltech.edu/spitzer/index.shtml
There are telescopes in the works that will be able to detect the actual light from these planets very soon, so stay tuned.

Pity for the Rich

2005-04-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is about Thursdays ruling from Massachusetts supreme court allowing secretary of state William F. Galvin to continue to probe into the sale of Gillette company to the Proctor and Gamble company. The buzz around Gillette today was a small amount of excitement as if this ruling may mean some type of victory for us employees who are disappointed and worried to lose our 100 years of independence. I'm not sure we realize that this was just as much of a victory for Proctor and Gamble due to the fact that the ruling only allows Galvin to investigate the transactions between Gillette and the two banks hired by Proctor and Gamble (Goldman Sachs Group and UBS AG ). These banks were basically involved to asses the value of Gillette. The ruling was handed down because of the argument that Gillette may be worth more than 70 billion and not the 57 billion that the company's agreed on. Galvin is not allowed to look into the 173 million that James Kiltz will receive for orchrestrating the deal.
Being a bit on the conservative side myself, I cant argue with a company's decision to sell or another's decision to buy. This is all part of free enterprise and their god given right as far as I'm concerned. What bothers me is how it can be legal for a hired CEO to receive 173 million to sell a company he was he was hired to repair. James Kiltz can argue all day that this is good for Gillette and the consumer. Are we to believe that if he doesn't receive 173 million that this tranaction would have taken place? There is no conflict of interest here? Someone gives you 173 million dollars and this has no effect on your decision making process? How is this legal? It is legal because a CEO originally meant the owner of a company. The Law is set up for that definition of CEO. If the owner of a company receives money for its sale, all the power to him. The problem here is James Kiltz is not the owner of Gillette. This is a conflict of interest! James Kiltz was hired by Gillette, but paid by Proctor and Gamble. The law should be changed to reflect the current definition of CEO
The first CEO in the 100 years of the Gillette company that was hired from the outside was James kiltz. Every other CEO came up through the ranks. This is price of hiring from outside. Although I have only been with the company for 8 years. The first 4 years without Kiltz were much better than the second 4 with him. I know people that have worked for Gillette for 40 years that haven't seen such an unmotivated work force as in the past 4 years. I remember the pride that came with being a Gillette employee. We were the best. The best Pay, the best benefits, the best work environment, the best technology, the best engineering, THE BEST EVERYTHING! That was Gillette. Gillette was the last company you worked for, no matter what! When I started at Gillette, Schick was a joke .... Not a competitor. When I started at Gillette, every single employee put 100% of their 401 K into Gillette, even though every investment broker would tell you not to, we did it anyway, why? Because we were different. We were not like other company's. We were special. When I started at Gillette, my fellow mechanics and myself would run around the machines to get them fixed, and I mean RUN! Imagine seeing you plummer run down your stairs, fix a pipe then run back up the stairs fix another pipe then run back down the stairs and turn the water on. Then the next time he came back to your house to fix the same problem he would try to beat his record time for fixing your pipes. This was the Gillette enviorment. We were a team. I'm not talking about the cliche word "team" that is thrown around every company like wet rag. I'm talking about the Boston Red Sox team that came back from three games down. I am a privliged man for having taken part in it. I have worked for many other manufacturers, and at every one all the employees would complain about everything from management to pay. Not at Gillette, we bragged about how smart our upper management was and how much money we made. I'm sorry to say that the complaints heard at my other company's now echo down Gillette's hallways like the sound of fingernails across a chalkboard. Mr. Kitlz , You made the company look pretty good on the outside, but on the inside you gave it cancer. 6000 people will loose their job so you can pocket 173 million dollars.
Your an old man Mr. Kiltz, you will be leaving this planet shortly. When you die, you will have to answer for this to god. If your lucky and your health is good, you'll probably live for another 20 years. I hope that is enough time to spend 173 million dollars. At first I was very angry with you Mr. Kiltz, but when I think about it.....What your eternity may have in store for you, I have pity. Imagine that I have pity for a man with 173 million dollars.

Will robots lie?

2005-04-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have been following the two mars rovers, Opportunity and Spirit since they left us almost 2 years ago. I was like a little kid waiting for the first one to touch down January last year. They have been scooting around the red planet for 15 months now sending back all kinds of data. Just last Friday Spirit send back crude movies of small little dust devils traveling across the surface (check it out http://mars.jpl.nasa.gov/ ).
The one thing about this mission that's driving me crazy is the bad science that is being done with the data being sent back. From the moment the rovers left earth, JPL's scientist stated that one of the main mission goals was to find out if mars has or has had water. Well guess what, if you want to find evidence of water on the sun, you will find it. They believe spirit has found hematite, and since we believe that hematite is usually formed by water on Earth, then this is evidence of past water. The "golden nugget" which is a rock discovered by one of the rovers is supposed evidence of water, even though one of JPL's leading scientist admits "I don't know how it was formed, and it's driving me crazy". This is a whole new world were dealing with. I'm sure Mars has processes we probably know nothing about. Lets just allow the data to show us what ever it may. Not try to find certain data.
I'm not saying there was never water on Mars. For all I know the movie "Water World" was filmed there. All I'm saying is collect all the data, then come up with the theory. Since two out of three missions to Mars has failed (all the way back to the 1950's), I can't help but marvel at what JPL has accomplished here. We are actually controlling robots on another world, we shouldn't allow them to lie to us.

Same old story

2005-04-24T04:13:00.000-07:00

I was reading the news paper today and caught yet another story about Abu Ghraib. Apparently 4 top officers were cleared of any wrong doing. Reed Brody of the human rights consul is crying and whining "This proves that the army can't investigate itself". Who should investigate this Reed? Perhaps the U.N.? Perhaps the Iraqis involved? If only Reed really understood what a crime is, such as his crime of helping U.S. solders getting killed.
I would like to share with you a true story from my brothers blog. http://www.how2fish.blogspot.com/

Meet Brian Chontosh.Churchville-Chili Central School class of 1991. Proud graduate of the Rochester Institute of Technology. Husband and about-to-be father. First lieutenant (now Captain) in the United States Marine Corps. And a genuine hero. The secretary of the Navy said so yesterday.At 29 Palms in California Brian Chontosh was presented with the Navy Cross, the second highest award for combat bravery the United States can bestow. That's a big deal. But you won't see it on the network news tonight, and all you read in Brian's hometown newspaper was two paragraphs of nothing.The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it's not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing. Oh, sure, there's a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out. And we're almost on a first-name basis with the jerks who abused the Iraqi prisoners. And we know all about improvised explosive devices and how we lost Fallujah and what Arab public-opinion polls say about us and how the world hates us.We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom. But we don't hear about the heroes.The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue. The ones we completely ignore. Like Brian Chontosh.It was a year ago on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee. When all hell broke loose. Ambush city. The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades. And the kid out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him.So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire.It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish. And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack. He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the .50 cal unload on them.Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines. Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride. And he ran down the trench. With its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers. And he killed them all.He fought with the M16 until it was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo.At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion. When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon's flank. He had killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more.But that's probably not how he would tell it. He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Hoo-ah, and drive on. "By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."That's what the citation says. And that's what nobody will hear. That's what doesn't seem to be making the evening news. Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform or to depress - to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies.But I guess it doesn't matter. We're going to turn out all right. As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear our uniform.If you are as proud of this Marine as I am, then send this to EVERYONE YOU KNOW !!

When I read this story it sends a chill down my spine. There is nothing finer that the American fighting man. Imagine if we had men like Reed Brody in the military fighting this war for us. I have been in the military, and you can rest assured, that men like Reed dont join, they become Lawyers.

Whens the bottom gonna fall ?

2005-04-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday i sat with my wife and watched T.V in the middle of the day as every network showed the long awaited white smoke rise from the Vatican. My wife being a devout Catholic called for my daughter who was playing over a friends house and made her watch as well. Something struck me as odd at that very moment. The left wing media coverage of all this was as if every reporter has converted to Catholisism. As the final minutes of pope John Pauls life ticked away, The media covered his whole life without any negatives, this is really unheard of. To the media the word Catholic and controversy are interchangable.
So what gives? my wife says their just reporting this way so that all the real stories can come right after. Such as how John Paul had a secret strip club in the basement of the Vatican, or the new pope and the old pope had been sleeping together for years now and the only reason the bishops elected him is because he said he would come clean if they didn't. Perhaps the media is actually realizing that their audience is made up of mostly conservative people that actually believe in god? Nah, can't be. I dont know whats up, I'm just waiting for the bottom to fall out of this one.

Far From Home

2005-04-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Last week on April 16th, The Cassini-Huygens mission (I guess it is just Cassini, since the Huygens probe is sitting on Titan) made its fifth and closest fly by to Titan. There are some beautiful pictures on NASA's web site http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.cfm.
I have to say I was a little disappointed with the limited feed back from the Huygens probe. After seeing two robots crawl all over Mars and send back millions of pictures, its tough to get excited about a single probe sitting on Titans surface with limited capability. I guess it's a amazing achievement regardless. For Nasa to shoot of a probe after traveling for seven years and 2.2 billion miles and have it land on Titan without a malfunction . I guess were just spoiled by today's technical capability and expect so much. Anyway the scientist are making ready for The 12th fly by of Saturn and 4th fly by of the moon Enceladus (which we now know also has an atmosphere). Look on the site and enjoy.

First things first

2005-04-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog. Although I have been reading many others blogs, never have written one. So I decided to let everone know my thoughts. I will be updating this page from time to time as issues come up. A good deal will be on the latest science. I love to discuss evolution vs. creation. I have been known to take either side on the debate. Depending on who I'm talking to, I usually take the other side. I will also give my view on current events. Feel free to make any comments.