Johnnys got his gun
I have been writing a love story about a man who starts down a slipperery slope and tries to change after meeting someone , so I decided to share the first chapter. Here it is
CHAPTER ONE
"I gotta take a leak" he said removing himself from the table. He had a glazed look in his eyes that couldn't seem to focus. He didn't stumble, but his walk required extra effort to make up for the lack of coordination brought on by alcohol and cocaine. We were in a old cottage turned house. It was the most they could afford on what was left after drugs. I put my cards face down on the table across from his. This was not the hand to try it, I thought to myself. He may be suspicious since I could easily cheat while he is in the bathroom. I should wait until another hand. The others were in the kitchen. Steve, Trina (Dillons girlfriend), and Matty. I can see them from where I sit in the living room because there is a large opening that connects the two rooms like a big window. Paranoia takes up most of their thoughts, because they just finished smoking a round of coke. Having snorted some lines myself I was high as well, but Dillons below average intellect along with the amounts of substances he has consumed should make it easy to find the right moment.
As Dillon came out of the bathroom he exclaimed in a cocky manner "Trina !.....get another blast ready for me".
"When you gonna be done playin cards" she asked desiring to share her high with him.
Dillon threw back at her "Trina" then he paused as if he was making an important speech "Trina, were playin caaaaaaads. Don't botha me when I'm playin cards".
Dillon took the pipe from Steve and filled his lungs with smoke and exhaled. The room smelled of an ether like gas which intensified every time they lit up. He kneeled back down at the coffee table from which we were playing.
"Your a good kid Johnny" He complimented, "you've always been a good kid" he spoke as if I were his son.
Here I was cheating him while he complimented me. It was easy for me to do, somehow he was evil, and it did not bother my conscience. He had been to jail twice. His face was dark, aged more than his 38 years, his eyes were dark too. He pretended to have values, and I believe he wished he did, which is why he took to me. He sensed my values and wanted to be part of it. He pretended to live by some code that didn’t exsist. Saying things like “I’d never do this or that”. As if I’m supposed to believe this guy smoking coke has some higher moral code that should be used among addicts. Several hands went by. I wanted to make a move. I had experience doing tricks with cards. I had several options, Deal off the bottom, deal myself extra cards, hold the high cards for the next hand. Any of which could be caught, however unlikely, I was drinking and if he caught me I would not escape without confrontation that would most likely involve me getting hurt. He probably wouldn't kill me, but would definitely want blood. What was I doing here? I know I Shouldn't, but his lack of intelligence gives me a confidence that I didn't earn, and I can't seem to give away. So I continued playing and the opportunity presented itself. The pot was big, somewhere around 350 dollars. I had 4 hearts with 3 more cards coming, an excellent chance at a flush and he was working on a strait. The next two cards were dealt face up and neither was a heart. He had his strait, and now the last card was dealt face down. I picked it up and it was a diamond. I quickly put the diamond in between the four hearts and hid most of the card so just the red bottom of the diamond was showing(at a quick glance it looked like a flush.
I quickly let out a yelp "YESSSS, I did it".
I figured if I spent too much time pondering the cards he would be suspicious, so I quickly laid them down and said "flush" then started picking up the money.
He glanced at my cards quickly and began to admit his defeat "I figured I had you with a strait". In came Trina her eyes raised at all the money on the table.
She threatened "you didn't just loose all that did you!"
He snapped back "Trina ...I'm playin cards, you know to leave me alone when I'm playin caaads".
I quickly reached for all the lay down cards to try to reshuffle before anything was noticed.
Just before I had them all swept up, Dillon snapped his hand down on top of pile of cards. "Let me take a look at those" he said as if trying to figure out where he went wrong.
I picked up my hand and let him look in hopes that enough of the cards got mixed up to prevent him from figuring out what just happened. My heard pounded, I could feel it in my ears. I tried to control my breathing and managed somewhat. When he flipped the cards over I could see that they were pretty much just as we put them down.
In just a couple of moments he let out a "HEEEYYY, what the fuck is this!", as he picked up the seven of diamonds.
I tried to appear confused, “whats what" I said. He grabbed the coffee table that weighed about 150 pounds and flipped it at me. As I guided the coffee table around me and to the floor, I was showered with playing cards.
Now Steve the owner of the house heard all the commotion and came in the room exclaiming "what the fuck dude, go easy!".
Dillon fired" he cheated me for 200 bucks, who knows, he could of been cheating me all night".
I immediately began taking money out of my pocket, I quickly counted out 200 dollars and said "Here Dillon take the money, it was an honest mistake".
I could see in his eyes that he wanted to believe me, but his experience with low character people (like myself at this moment) would not let him trust me. At this moment I realized my stay here was done. The trust I had earned in these past couple of months bunking at Steves’ house was undone, and it was time to move on. All over a couple of bucks! I thought to myself, if I'm going end this, then I'm going get as much out of it as I can. Dillon started to come toward me.
"Hold on one second Dillon" I said trying to buy some time, "let me show you" I quickly started toward my back pack.
His curiosity froze him, and bought me just enough time to reach in my pack and pull out my gun. I pointed the gun right at Dillons’ face.
"Who the fuck ARE you dude?" Steve said in total disbelief.
This man he befriended and let into his house thinking he was a harmless drug buddy was now pointing a gun in his best friends face. They now realized that they had no idea who I was.
"You better get the fuck out of my face with that" Dillon said trying to keep some type of upper hand over me.
When he saw that my emotionless face did not change at his request, and that my gun remained pointing strait at his face, his confidence seemed to slowly waiver.
"Dillon, empty your wallet, everyone else do the same" I said calmly.
I explained to them "You will lose everything you have with you now. This is a small price to pay, knowing that you will live long enough to earn it back. But for today, let your money go".
I had Steve collect all the money and then I put it in my pocket.
"Sit down right there Dillon" I ordered.
He took a seat across from me and I sat on the couch facing him.
"Trina, come over here for a sec" I said.
Dillon immediately said "Trina.. you stay right where you are".
I carelessly fired a shot at the chair he was sitting in. It put a hole in his chair very close to his left knee.
"Come on over here Trina" I said being a little cocky.
Steve and Matty looked on in horror.
"Don’t worry hun, I wont hurt you" I tried to reassure her. "Come......come have a seat on my lap”.
Dillon looked at me with a deep hatred, and appeared to be waiting for his moment. I knew I would have to watch him close. This was growing him into a monster Trina slowly sat on the very end of my knee, and didn't really put any of her weight on me because she was so nervous. "Come on honey, slide right over here" I said as I pulled her onto my lap.
"This bothering you Dillon?" I said inviting him to make his move.
He knew it was hopeless, but he still couldn't accept it, It just wasn't in his nature. I saw Dillon motion to Trina to go for my gun. Trina was so nervous I don't think she even understood what he meant. I put my hand on Trina’s thigh and gently stroked up and down.
"Isn't this nice" I said to Trina knowing she was terrified of me.
I don’t know why I was doing this, it wasn’t in my nature. I guess I felt I was taking away the power he always walked around with his whole life. He was a tough person, a person who had to be in control, and this was his nightmare. I very gently touched Trina breast and messaged her nipple through her blouse. She trembled, and made sure that Dillon saw her fear, so that he would know she was not enjoying this.
I looked Dillon in the eye while I continued to fondle Trina and said "How does it feel knowing another man is making your girl wet, that’s right Darren I can feel the moisture right through her pants".
He was very uneasy now, but I kept the gun pointed in his general direction the whole time. I put my hand in her crotch and rubbed her firmly. I actually could feel the moisture. She obviously was not in pleasure, but she couldn’t stop her bodys’ natural reaction. She squirmed forward trying to move herself out of my reach, but I just pulled her back to me and continued messaging her crotch. She made slight moaning and grunting noises from time to time because of her terror and what I was doing to her. But Dillon had trouble interpreting what the noises meant. His insecure side was showing. Even though he knew she was terrified as side of him thought Trina might be enjoying this. I new that fear consumed her. Dillon wasn’t so sure. He started to stand up and before he was even half way erect I fired off another shot. I was aiming right for his leg but I missed and the bullet grazed his pants. He dropped right back into the chair. Trina let out a yelp when the shot was fired.
“Its ok sweetheart, I wouldn’t hurt you” I said.
Dillon rolled his eyes like a teenager.
"Alright hun, I've givin you enough of hard time, get up" I meaninglessly apologized.
"Everyone stay put in the living room" I said.
I went into the kitchen and lit a cigarette off the gas stove. After my cigarette was lit I turned on all four burners full blast so that gas was starting to fill the room. The smell of ether from their coke was strong enough that they wouldn't smell the gas. The two odors were quite similar. I grabbed the rest of the coke that was already in rock form. I walked back into the living room, gun in right hand coke in left.
I handed the coke to Steve and said "enjoy......oh ya, thanks for letting me crash here".
Steve looked at me as if I had just performed a majic trick and made the statue of liberty disappear. I grabbed my backpack opened the door and walked out looking behind me as I pulled the door shut, I could see Trina looking at the coke in Steves hand. I started down the street. If you have ever known people that smoked crack, then you’ll understand why I knew what would happen next.
It wasn't even two minutes later and I could hear the sound of an awkward explosion imitating the sound of a large coffee mug hitting a cement floor. The house went up. I knew they wouldn’t even call the cops. The most important thing was the coke, and I knew I wouldn’t be gone long before they would light up. Expecting the explosion, I tried not to flinch. You know like in the movies when the hero is walking away and the explosions are going off behind him and he doesn't even flinch. But I did flinch, I did keep walking though. I got about one mile from the house when the fire engines and police went blowing by me. The rush I had putting Dillon in his place left me. A depression started to set in.
WHAT HAVE I DONE ?
CHAPTER ONE
"I gotta take a leak" he said removing himself from the table. He had a glazed look in his eyes that couldn't seem to focus. He didn't stumble, but his walk required extra effort to make up for the lack of coordination brought on by alcohol and cocaine. We were in a old cottage turned house. It was the most they could afford on what was left after drugs. I put my cards face down on the table across from his. This was not the hand to try it, I thought to myself. He may be suspicious since I could easily cheat while he is in the bathroom. I should wait until another hand. The others were in the kitchen. Steve, Trina (Dillons girlfriend), and Matty. I can see them from where I sit in the living room because there is a large opening that connects the two rooms like a big window. Paranoia takes up most of their thoughts, because they just finished smoking a round of coke. Having snorted some lines myself I was high as well, but Dillons below average intellect along with the amounts of substances he has consumed should make it easy to find the right moment.
As Dillon came out of the bathroom he exclaimed in a cocky manner "Trina !.....get another blast ready for me".
"When you gonna be done playin cards" she asked desiring to share her high with him.
Dillon threw back at her "Trina" then he paused as if he was making an important speech "Trina, were playin caaaaaaads. Don't botha me when I'm playin cards".
Dillon took the pipe from Steve and filled his lungs with smoke and exhaled. The room smelled of an ether like gas which intensified every time they lit up. He kneeled back down at the coffee table from which we were playing.
"Your a good kid Johnny" He complimented, "you've always been a good kid" he spoke as if I were his son.
Here I was cheating him while he complimented me. It was easy for me to do, somehow he was evil, and it did not bother my conscience. He had been to jail twice. His face was dark, aged more than his 38 years, his eyes were dark too. He pretended to have values, and I believe he wished he did, which is why he took to me. He sensed my values and wanted to be part of it. He pretended to live by some code that didn’t exsist. Saying things like “I’d never do this or that”. As if I’m supposed to believe this guy smoking coke has some higher moral code that should be used among addicts. Several hands went by. I wanted to make a move. I had experience doing tricks with cards. I had several options, Deal off the bottom, deal myself extra cards, hold the high cards for the next hand. Any of which could be caught, however unlikely, I was drinking and if he caught me I would not escape without confrontation that would most likely involve me getting hurt. He probably wouldn't kill me, but would definitely want blood. What was I doing here? I know I Shouldn't, but his lack of intelligence gives me a confidence that I didn't earn, and I can't seem to give away. So I continued playing and the opportunity presented itself. The pot was big, somewhere around 350 dollars. I had 4 hearts with 3 more cards coming, an excellent chance at a flush and he was working on a strait. The next two cards were dealt face up and neither was a heart. He had his strait, and now the last card was dealt face down. I picked it up and it was a diamond. I quickly put the diamond in between the four hearts and hid most of the card so just the red bottom of the diamond was showing(at a quick glance it looked like a flush.
I quickly let out a yelp "YESSSS, I did it".
I figured if I spent too much time pondering the cards he would be suspicious, so I quickly laid them down and said "flush" then started picking up the money.
He glanced at my cards quickly and began to admit his defeat "I figured I had you with a strait". In came Trina her eyes raised at all the money on the table.
She threatened "you didn't just loose all that did you!"
He snapped back "Trina ...I'm playin cards, you know to leave me alone when I'm playin caaads".
I quickly reached for all the lay down cards to try to reshuffle before anything was noticed.
Just before I had them all swept up, Dillon snapped his hand down on top of pile of cards. "Let me take a look at those" he said as if trying to figure out where he went wrong.
I picked up my hand and let him look in hopes that enough of the cards got mixed up to prevent him from figuring out what just happened. My heard pounded, I could feel it in my ears. I tried to control my breathing and managed somewhat. When he flipped the cards over I could see that they were pretty much just as we put them down.
In just a couple of moments he let out a "HEEEYYY, what the fuck is this!", as he picked up the seven of diamonds.
I tried to appear confused, “whats what" I said. He grabbed the coffee table that weighed about 150 pounds and flipped it at me. As I guided the coffee table around me and to the floor, I was showered with playing cards.
Now Steve the owner of the house heard all the commotion and came in the room exclaiming "what the fuck dude, go easy!".
Dillon fired" he cheated me for 200 bucks, who knows, he could of been cheating me all night".
I immediately began taking money out of my pocket, I quickly counted out 200 dollars and said "Here Dillon take the money, it was an honest mistake".
I could see in his eyes that he wanted to believe me, but his experience with low character people (like myself at this moment) would not let him trust me. At this moment I realized my stay here was done. The trust I had earned in these past couple of months bunking at Steves’ house was undone, and it was time to move on. All over a couple of bucks! I thought to myself, if I'm going end this, then I'm going get as much out of it as I can. Dillon started to come toward me.
"Hold on one second Dillon" I said trying to buy some time, "let me show you" I quickly started toward my back pack.
His curiosity froze him, and bought me just enough time to reach in my pack and pull out my gun. I pointed the gun right at Dillons’ face.
"Who the fuck ARE you dude?" Steve said in total disbelief.
This man he befriended and let into his house thinking he was a harmless drug buddy was now pointing a gun in his best friends face. They now realized that they had no idea who I was.
"You better get the fuck out of my face with that" Dillon said trying to keep some type of upper hand over me.
When he saw that my emotionless face did not change at his request, and that my gun remained pointing strait at his face, his confidence seemed to slowly waiver.
"Dillon, empty your wallet, everyone else do the same" I said calmly.
I explained to them "You will lose everything you have with you now. This is a small price to pay, knowing that you will live long enough to earn it back. But for today, let your money go".
I had Steve collect all the money and then I put it in my pocket.
"Sit down right there Dillon" I ordered.
He took a seat across from me and I sat on the couch facing him.
"Trina, come over here for a sec" I said.
Dillon immediately said "Trina.. you stay right where you are".
I carelessly fired a shot at the chair he was sitting in. It put a hole in his chair very close to his left knee.
"Come on over here Trina" I said being a little cocky.
Steve and Matty looked on in horror.
"Don’t worry hun, I wont hurt you" I tried to reassure her. "Come......come have a seat on my lap”.
Dillon looked at me with a deep hatred, and appeared to be waiting for his moment. I knew I would have to watch him close. This was growing him into a monster Trina slowly sat on the very end of my knee, and didn't really put any of her weight on me because she was so nervous. "Come on honey, slide right over here" I said as I pulled her onto my lap.
"This bothering you Dillon?" I said inviting him to make his move.
He knew it was hopeless, but he still couldn't accept it, It just wasn't in his nature. I saw Dillon motion to Trina to go for my gun. Trina was so nervous I don't think she even understood what he meant. I put my hand on Trina’s thigh and gently stroked up and down.
"Isn't this nice" I said to Trina knowing she was terrified of me.
I don’t know why I was doing this, it wasn’t in my nature. I guess I felt I was taking away the power he always walked around with his whole life. He was a tough person, a person who had to be in control, and this was his nightmare. I very gently touched Trina breast and messaged her nipple through her blouse. She trembled, and made sure that Dillon saw her fear, so that he would know she was not enjoying this.
I looked Dillon in the eye while I continued to fondle Trina and said "How does it feel knowing another man is making your girl wet, that’s right Darren I can feel the moisture right through her pants".
He was very uneasy now, but I kept the gun pointed in his general direction the whole time. I put my hand in her crotch and rubbed her firmly. I actually could feel the moisture. She obviously was not in pleasure, but she couldn’t stop her bodys’ natural reaction. She squirmed forward trying to move herself out of my reach, but I just pulled her back to me and continued messaging her crotch. She made slight moaning and grunting noises from time to time because of her terror and what I was doing to her. But Dillon had trouble interpreting what the noises meant. His insecure side was showing. Even though he knew she was terrified as side of him thought Trina might be enjoying this. I new that fear consumed her. Dillon wasn’t so sure. He started to stand up and before he was even half way erect I fired off another shot. I was aiming right for his leg but I missed and the bullet grazed his pants. He dropped right back into the chair. Trina let out a yelp when the shot was fired.
“Its ok sweetheart, I wouldn’t hurt you” I said.
Dillon rolled his eyes like a teenager.
"Alright hun, I've givin you enough of hard time, get up" I meaninglessly apologized.
"Everyone stay put in the living room" I said.
I went into the kitchen and lit a cigarette off the gas stove. After my cigarette was lit I turned on all four burners full blast so that gas was starting to fill the room. The smell of ether from their coke was strong enough that they wouldn't smell the gas. The two odors were quite similar. I grabbed the rest of the coke that was already in rock form. I walked back into the living room, gun in right hand coke in left.
I handed the coke to Steve and said "enjoy......oh ya, thanks for letting me crash here".
Steve looked at me as if I had just performed a majic trick and made the statue of liberty disappear. I grabbed my backpack opened the door and walked out looking behind me as I pulled the door shut, I could see Trina looking at the coke in Steves hand. I started down the street. If you have ever known people that smoked crack, then you’ll understand why I knew what would happen next.
It wasn't even two minutes later and I could hear the sound of an awkward explosion imitating the sound of a large coffee mug hitting a cement floor. The house went up. I knew they wouldn’t even call the cops. The most important thing was the coke, and I knew I wouldn’t be gone long before they would light up. Expecting the explosion, I tried not to flinch. You know like in the movies when the hero is walking away and the explosions are going off behind him and he doesn't even flinch. But I did flinch, I did keep walking though. I got about one mile from the house when the fire engines and police went blowing by me. The rush I had putting Dillon in his place left me. A depression started to set in.
WHAT HAVE I DONE ?
posted by Jim Fisher at 12:20 PM
10 Comments:
You may have a good plot, but I thought the language and manhandling of Trina was a bit much. (Especially for the first chapter)
The language is actually quite normal for many blue collar circles. As far as the other, it was meant to be disturbing. When I pick up a book if it doesn't grab me in the first chapter, I put it down.
I sort of had the impression from reading some of your postings, that you are a Christian. I guess I just don't see how that kind of language fits in when the writer is a Christian. Just my opinion. Maybe I can make a better one if I read more.
Even though the main character is quite diabolical in this first chapter you exposed enough of his personality in such a way that made him likable. I could identify with him and follow the justifications he made for his actions. Good work on character development.
To the other commenter: why would the religious affiliation of the writer have any bearing on the story?
I am a Christian. Although perhaps not the sort your used too. Thats like saying an artist shouldn't paint someone nude(perhaps thats your take anyway). I hear much worse than what I wrote at work daily. Much of the laungage is from a true story. I think if you read further into the story, you may not find it so offensive (I will post chapter two shortly, I have to re-write some of it to go with a new idea). I thank you for your opinion.
How many stories of the bible would be untold if vulgarities were not permitted? Evil is evil, if you sugar coat it, than is it really evil?
I can understand using some descriptions that are vulgar to convey the situation. I think there are better ways for a Christian to write in a non-Christian way without actually using swear words.
From my standpoint, I try to avoid hearing or reading swear words as much as possible. The more I hear, or the more I read, the more likely I am to use those words...which I do not want to do.
For example, my family and I have installed a TV Guardian on our tv to bleep out all swear words if possible. That helps ME to keep my mind clear of words that I think are unacceptable for a Christian to use.
I guess that what I'm trying to say is: If you are open enough to tell people that you are a Christian, you should be open enough to live your life, do your job, etc. and still display your Christianity.
I believe that if you want to write, you should write what you know, (and perhaps you are, as you said you hear this language all the time at work.
However, if you "know" God, you should write something that you think would please Him.
Again, this is just my opinion, and you are of course, free to write what you want and live your life as you like. :)
Thank you for your comment. I can understand your position. One thing I really wanted to convey in the story is realism. I'm afraid that I could not write dialog for crack addicts without using swear words, It would be comprimising the integrity of actual situations. If you read a story of crack addicts saying things like "gosh darn it" or "oh fudge", it would be rediculous and have no sense of realism. I'm really not sure if this is a sin to convey this dialog in a story. Thank you for your input.
God bless, Jim
I also understand where you are coming from...and perhaps it is just a personal conviction of mine to avoid cursing and such...I do have a temper, and cursing would come quite naturally to me.
So...I see your point about being realistic, and I hope that you have a good time writing your book.
God bless.
Jim,
Interesting story. I can see that you have a need to tell it. Although the realism may be shocking and vulgar, you are definitely speaking about the depravity of man and describing his nature quite well.
Story tellers of the past have told stories like yours in various forms in order not to be disgusting. But quite often we see the "monsters" of the old stories as someone else, and not what they truly represent...US.
There is a new book out called "Monster" written by Frank Perretti. He manages to keep down the vulgarity while capturing the essence of what you are doing. Give it a read, you might find it quite good.
If you like the more disgusting stuff though, try his book, The Oath. I think your wife may have borrowed it.
:-)
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