Team: Seth, Hope and Faith

When we were very young , Jen 17 and I 19, we had our first daughter Danielle. She is a blessing and without her my life would have been a mess having no one to tie me to any responsibility, I would never be working for Gillette and probably spending most nights in a bar. I was always very content with one child. For a long time I felt as if I could barely support my family as is, never mind add more children. Jen would always bring it up from time to time. She always wanted more children. We had a two bedroom apartment and certainly could not afford a house, so this was my excuse for many years. Then when I did get the job at Gillette, the new money not only gave us a house, but gave me a severe substance problem as well. Through these years Jen did not really bring up more children. Since staying a family was perhaps all she could muster at that time. Then something happened. I snapped out of it. It was almost to where I was going to loose my family, house, job, everything that made me worth anything. It took some time to get back to normal, but I did. For the first time in my pathetic life, I became a man. Somehow Jen knew who I was many years before I did. She saw my potential and rode out every shitty year until I grew up. Although I have always loved Jen, it was here when I fell madly in love with her. What she had done for me. I always tell people that are thinking of getting married – before you get married, you better deicide that if this person was to become paralyzed tomorrow, would you still love them, would you stay with them and push their wheelchair forver. If you can not answer yes, then don’t get married. Well, I was paralyzed for those years, and Jen pushed me around in my wheel chair(figuritivly speaking). Thank God I can walk again, so she gets a turn at a good life. As part of this good life she deserves more children. Something she has always wanted, and now I do to. Only problem is, Jen now has severe P.C.O.S. a disease similar to diabetes, that prevents her from ovulating. So we got help form Boston I.V.F., a well established clinic that helps people in situations like ours. Jen had a moral objection to I.V.F. so we did I.U.I., which is basically just using drugs to stimulate ovulation and ultrasounds to decide when to fertilize. The actual conception still happens naturally in Jens body. Only problem with this method is that you have no direct control of the number of eggs that can be fertilized since the drugs over stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs and we still have intercourse to fertilize them, leaving the number of eggs fertilized up to chance. When you hear of septuplets, this is the process used. It was just our second cycle trying. When it came time for the test, we were pregnant. The excitement that came with it was wonderful. We went to Dr. Weiss office to see the progress of the embryo and to verify pregnancy. On that visit the doctor told us we had three embryos, but that one looked small and may just disappear on its own, so most likely we would have twins. We were saddened by what may be a loss of one of our children, but took comfort in the fact that it was natural and must be of Gods design for us. On our next visit our doctor told us that all three embryos were thriving. I replied with “cooool”.
“Cool”? the doctor said.
I did not know what else to say. It is really how I felt at that moment. But I could tell from his reaction that medically speaking, triplets were not so cool. My wife and I were dumbfounded. The whole ride home we kept looking at each other and saying “triplets?” The doctor asked us if we wanted to reduce the number of babies. He explained the risks involved with triplets and they were not good. Jen and I objected to reduction. We could not see intentionally killing one to insure survival for the others, especially because when reducing, there is a high risk of ending the whole pregnancy.
It took time to get used to the idea. I remember on the one of the ultrasounds, the technician was amazed at how healthy they looked. Each one measured perfect. The blood supply was perfect and so on. At that time I started to get used to the idea this might actually have a good outcome and we could have three healthy babies. People kept saying how much work it would be and all those things, but I never really saw it that way. I don’t think I fully understood the danger of a triplet pregnancy either.
It was a Saturday afternoon. I work 12 hours on Saturday so I still had a few hours left until my shift was over. I was on the production floor most of the day. At 3:30 I went into my office for something. Soon as I opened my door I could hear my phone ringing. I picked it up and Jen was crying wanting to know where I was and that she had been trying to call me.
“I lost one of them” she said. “I might loose the others too, they don’t know yet”.
“Where are you” I said. That feeling rushed over my body, where you feel so much pain, yet somehow you’re numb at the same time. Nausea and hunger fighting to get control of your stomach, a kind of dizzy feeling. After I hung up and told my boss I had to go and started to race for the door. That 25 minute ride to South Shore hospital seemed like hours. Praying the whole way that God save my other two babies, but knowing somehow that God was going to stay out of it. When I finally got there and consoled my wife as best I could, I got all the details from Jen and the doctor. One of triplets (my sons) water broke. This is what made my wife come to the hospital. Ultrasound revealed that he was already dead. The other two (both girls) were still alive, but the doctor seemed convinced we would loose them all when my son came out, which he said would happen shortly. He asked us if we wanted to induce labor to just get it all over with. We asked if there was any chance that the other two could somehow not be born and just the one could come out. He said it was remotely possible but recommended just evacuating them all, as he put it. I could not believe what he was saying. There was a chance that we can save my daughters but we shouldn’t even try? I am not a great judge of character sometimes, but this guy just looked stupid to me. His demeanor, the way he spoke, his expressions. They just were not that of a confident, intelligent doctor. Not that it mattered anyway. If there was any chance of saving the girls, we were going to do it. So we insisted we were not going to evacuate anyone, and we would just wait it out and see what happens. They moved Jen toa private room and we began the wait. Jen layed there while I sat beside her, waiting for our dead son to be born, and praying he wouldn't bring his sisters with him. I have never felt so powerless. The woman of my dreams was laying there with her dreams falling apart. Her son taken from her, but his body left for her to deliver. I cried with her, thats all I could do. It wasn’t but a few hours later, Jen said she felt something as she was going to the bathroom. I had hoped I would have more time to contemplate what was happening, but I also wanted to get it over with. It was a relatively easy birth that took about 45 minutes to get him out. All the while we didn’t know if all three were coming or just one. We also had no idea what he would look like only being 19 weeks. Seth was still born that night. Jen and I took turns holding him, talking to him. We each told him how much we wanted him and how sorry we were that he didn't even have a chance. We even had pictures taken so as to remember my first sons’ sweet face. He was beautiful. That was Seth, my beautiful little guy. We cried and cried that night. We did not let them take him until several hours later. Looking back at it now. I am so glad we got to spend that time with him. They asked us what we wanted to do with him. We could have a funeral, or they would take care of him (which meant he would be medical waste). We decided that we wanted them to keep him until we knew what would happen with the other two.
Right after the birth they tilted Jen slightly upside down to try to keep any pressure off her cervix to allow it to close. It seemed to be working. And they started her on antibiotics for one week. Many times over the next week Jens fever came and went. Each time her fever grew they would bring her over to the birthing unit, because fever meant infection and that meant the babies had to come out. The actual cause of death for Seth was Chorioamnionitis, which means his amniotic fluid had an infection. This would likely spread to the other two, so each time Jens fever came they told us it was time to evacuate the twins. We would always beg them to find another reason for Jens fever. I would tell them I can’t kill my girls unless I knew for sure. One of the times they thought it was possible that she had a urinary infection. So they would put her back on antibiotics and her fever would go down and buy us some more time. Finally we decided that we should stop all antibiotics and see if her fever would come back (you can’t cure an infection in the womb with antibiotics, but they will mask the symptoms temporarily). So eventually her fever came back and they brought us back to the birthing unit. Once again we pleaded. This happened perhaps 6 times over two weeks. I suggested a amniocentesis to check for the infection rather than just evacuate the babies on a assumption. This way we would know for sure and not kill our babies for nothing. They gave in. When they drew the fluid from the sac it came out cloudy with a bluish tint (should be clear). The doctor said this was blood from the delivery and was not good since blood has sugars which are a playground for bacteria. The way it works is they take the fluid and use it to grow bacteria over the next three days. If there is no bacteria present then they won’t be able to grow it. Most often if there is bacteria, then it will grow within 12 to 24 hours. After 24 hours we had some good news. No bacterial growth yet. In the mean time one of Jens blood test pointed to infection. So they wanted us to deliver yet again. They started to pack jen up and bring her back to the birthing unit. I talked them into retaking the blood test. I told the doctor is was an error. She humored me and had another test done. Meantime I prayed and prayed. The doctor came back and told me the test was negative. At that moment I felt that God was finally going to intercede. All the while I kept praying. I told God that if he will give me some sign that these babies will be OK, I will not let them induce labor, no matter what the tests say. Needless to say, I did not get a sign, and I was looking everywhere for one. After 48 hours still no bacteria. We were almost there! Jens spirit could not be lifted. It was as if she knew the future the whole time. Day three of the bacteria test, it came back positive for a very dangerous bacteria. The end was here. I had no more tricks up my sleeve. There were many other things that happened during that two weeks, way too much to write. We fought a good fight Looking back I thank God we did. We are only now coming to terms that we induced labor. What if we never fought? What if I never argued with the doctors?
Jen was sleeping when they gave her the drug to induce labor. I don’t think it could have happened any other way. I don’t think she would have allowed them to put it in. These babies were a bit bigger and the labor was not nearly as easy as Seth’s. But they were both born alive and we actually got to spend time with them before they died. Not at the same time. Faith died before Hope was born. But we spent over an hour with each one prior to their death. We had them both baptized while they were alive. They were absolutely beautiful. They looked so good we couldn’t help wonder was there something they could do? But the nurse read my mind before I even asked. She said when their eyelids are still fused (can’t open yet) there is no possible chance. I could see there little hearts pumping. If you looked very closely, their chest would flutter each time their heart pumped. Never has a pain hurt me so. I will watch my parents die someday. It will be tough. People will loose their brothers and sisters as will I, that will be very painful. But nothing on this planet will prepare you to hold your child while her heart beats for the last time. I can assure you there is no greater pain. You will not sacrifice your life for you parent or siblings. You will however, not hesitate to lay down for your child. I only wish I was given that opportunity. The nurses took pictures of me holding my babies. It was so morbid to have these pictures taken that it made me sick, but I needed them. I needed to know that I would somehow be able to remember how beautiful their faces were.
We buried all three babies together. It was a very private funeral with family only. Jen made a blanket that wrapped around all three. We bought a nice stone with all there names on it.

Seth Michael Fisher
Faith Anne Fisher
Hope Trinity Fisher

This is a summarized story of how we lost three of our children. I once decided I wouldn't share this whole story. Much of it was left out. Some of the painful moments need to between just Jen and I, since this tragedy has made us more as one. I am not looking for pitty at all. Everyone will have some tragedy in their life that may or may not be worse than ours. For those of you that experience something worse, God be with you. For those of you that don't, God be with you. I am sharing this story now because I hope it will inspire people to sponsor our March of Dimes walk. Please go to http://walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=466050 and give just a little.