Depressed about Dafur

Its time for the UN to send troops into Dafur. This story is very complicated. Its tough to really know all the facts that get filtered through our western media. As Americans, we want so much to pick the good guys and bad guys out of any conflict. Every time I read about Dafur I try to pick out who should be delt with to put an end to this. Is it the Sudanese government? They swear they are not in cahoots with the Janjaweed. They are sending out police forces to keep the peace, so they say. The Janjaweed? They would seem like a favorite, since they are mainly Arabs and are accused of most of the war crimes including rape and murder. The SLA or JEM rebel groups? After all they started the escallation of this war right? What made them rebels in the first place? These conflicts have been going on for 20 years now. In 2003 it finally rose to what many are calling genocide. I honestly don't know what the answer or solution is. I don't know who is to blame. I am not a really into the United States getting involved in something that doesn't involve our national security, but if indeed 400,000 people have been killed then we can't keep looking the other way. Although this should not be led by the U.S. It should be led by the UN. Problem is the U.N. investigators say the genocide is not happening, just war crimes. Well isn't war crimes enough? Is one of the purposes of the U.N. to stop war crimes. We are not talking about a couple of Iraqis or Al Queda being slapped around in an interrigation room here. Were talking about the real thing.
Now the violence of the Janjaweed is spilling over into Chad. There are 200,000 refuges from Sudan now in neighboring Chad. It is being reported that the Janjaweed are raiding villages there now too. If you want to put it in black and white terms it seems to me if the U.N. put together a coalition of troops and stop the Janjaweed from continuing their raids, this would be the place to start. Although many Arabs appear close in appearance to the black africans, even that may not be as easy as it sounds. But at least their presence could put a stop to the violence. I honestly can't say this is the right answer. But something should be tried. I know there are people that understand the situation much better than I, that can lead some effort. One thing I do know, is that if you don't address the root cause of the situation, it will come back again. One of the root causes is lack of resources to live on, and the other is lack of organization from the government of Sudan in enforcing laws and protecting what did belong to people. How do you make a government fix that? The more I think about it, the more hopeless I become about it, but we shouldn't give up. Thank God My children live in the USA
Its always a good time for a couple of Massachusett congressmen to get some good publicity
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2006/04/29/2_bay_state_congressmen_arrested_at_sudan_protest/

First Words?

If you could see Lilly's smile. How it lights up a room and any heart thats within visual distance. Her mouth gaping wide open. Open large enough for a scream, but not screaming. At the same time her cheeks pulled way up, letting you know her delight in seeing you. Doesn't matter how tired I am or grumpy. Her smile....wow. Perhaps its because in seems unrealistic that another person could even be this happy to see you,.....but she is. Oh how I miss her during the day. She doesn't understand daddy has to work all day. Does she think about me in my absence? Like I think about her and the smile that pulls me out of any misery. She greets everyone with that same mouth wide open smile.
Some day she will meet someone mean, and she will stop greating all she meets with that smile. I loath that day. For now I shall enjoy.
I repeated "ma ma" over and over to her, not expecting any response. Then she made an expression I had never seen before. As if she was reaching back. Like Roger Clemens in the bottom of the 7th, pitch count 108, 2 outs 2 strikes, he knows its his last batter of the night, so he reaches back for one last 95 mile an hour fastball. Well, I tell you Lilly reached back, her gears churning. Her face straining to use muscles it hadn't used before. Then out it came "ma ma". Well it was more of a cross between "ma ma" and "ba ba", but is was close enough for me. She was trying so hard. Her face looked like she was trying to swallow a whole lizard squirming in her throat as she mustered out her hard earned words. I was so proud. I called my daughter Danielle in from the next room. "Watch this" I explained, but no repeat would Lilly perform. Minutes later her Grandmother soon followed by her mother. I told the story of what I heard to be Lillys first words. I was dismissed as perhaps insane by all family memebers as I repeated "ma ma" to Lilly trying desperately not to be looked at as a fantasy filled father with ears that make up baby words. Lilly not even interested in looking at me now with a room full of choices of people, made her usual cooing sounds. Lilly had struck me out. I was left to go back to the dugout of shame.
She will soon repeat these words for all to hear. What do I say then? I told you so? sounding like a 8 year old jerk? Truely in my heart, I hope my wife forgets I even told her about it. This way she will be the first one to hear Lilly say her name. This is what Jesus teaches. But just by writing this I am breaking his rule of "do not let the left hand know what the right hand does" (or vise versa?), since I am letting all of you know. If my wife reads this then I am definitly breaking the rule. But if she does read this, then at least she'll know who heard Lillys first words. Nah Nah

Team: Seth, Hope and Faith

When we were very young , Jen 17 and I 19, we had our first daughter Danielle. She is a blessing and without her my life would have been a mess having no one to tie me to any responsibility, I would never be working for Gillette and probably spending most nights in a bar. I was always very content with one child. For a long time I felt as if I could barely support my family as is, never mind add more children. Jen would always bring it up from time to time. She always wanted more children. We had a two bedroom apartment and certainly could not afford a house, so this was my excuse for many years. Then when I did get the job at Gillette, the new money not only gave us a house, but gave me a severe substance problem as well. Through these years Jen did not really bring up more children. Since staying a family was perhaps all she could muster at that time. Then something happened. I snapped out of it. It was almost to where I was going to loose my family, house, job, everything that made me worth anything. It took some time to get back to normal, but I did. For the first time in my pathetic life, I became a man. Somehow Jen knew who I was many years before I did. She saw my potential and rode out every shitty year until I grew up. Although I have always loved Jen, it was here when I fell madly in love with her. What she had done for me. I always tell people that are thinking of getting married – before you get married, you better deicide that if this person was to become paralyzed tomorrow, would you still love them, would you stay with them and push their wheelchair forver. If you can not answer yes, then don’t get married. Well, I was paralyzed for those years, and Jen pushed me around in my wheel chair(figuritivly speaking). Thank God I can walk again, so she gets a turn at a good life. As part of this good life she deserves more children. Something she has always wanted, and now I do to. Only problem is, Jen now has severe P.C.O.S. a disease similar to diabetes, that prevents her from ovulating. So we got help form Boston I.V.F., a well established clinic that helps people in situations like ours. Jen had a moral objection to I.V.F. so we did I.U.I., which is basically just using drugs to stimulate ovulation and ultrasounds to decide when to fertilize. The actual conception still happens naturally in Jens body. Only problem with this method is that you have no direct control of the number of eggs that can be fertilized since the drugs over stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs and we still have intercourse to fertilize them, leaving the number of eggs fertilized up to chance. When you hear of septuplets, this is the process used. It was just our second cycle trying. When it came time for the test, we were pregnant. The excitement that came with it was wonderful. We went to Dr. Weiss office to see the progress of the embryo and to verify pregnancy. On that visit the doctor told us we had three embryos, but that one looked small and may just disappear on its own, so most likely we would have twins. We were saddened by what may be a loss of one of our children, but took comfort in the fact that it was natural and must be of Gods design for us. On our next visit our doctor told us that all three embryos were thriving. I replied with “cooool”.
“Cool”? the doctor said.
I did not know what else to say. It is really how I felt at that moment. But I could tell from his reaction that medically speaking, triplets were not so cool. My wife and I were dumbfounded. The whole ride home we kept looking at each other and saying “triplets?” The doctor asked us if we wanted to reduce the number of babies. He explained the risks involved with triplets and they were not good. Jen and I objected to reduction. We could not see intentionally killing one to insure survival for the others, especially because when reducing, there is a high risk of ending the whole pregnancy.
It took time to get used to the idea. I remember on the one of the ultrasounds, the technician was amazed at how healthy they looked. Each one measured perfect. The blood supply was perfect and so on. At that time I started to get used to the idea this might actually have a good outcome and we could have three healthy babies. People kept saying how much work it would be and all those things, but I never really saw it that way. I don’t think I fully understood the danger of a triplet pregnancy either.
It was a Saturday afternoon. I work 12 hours on Saturday so I still had a few hours left until my shift was over. I was on the production floor most of the day. At 3:30 I went into my office for something. Soon as I opened my door I could hear my phone ringing. I picked it up and Jen was crying wanting to know where I was and that she had been trying to call me.
“I lost one of them” she said. “I might loose the others too, they don’t know yet”.
“Where are you” I said. That feeling rushed over my body, where you feel so much pain, yet somehow you’re numb at the same time. Nausea and hunger fighting to get control of your stomach, a kind of dizzy feeling. After I hung up and told my boss I had to go and started to race for the door. That 25 minute ride to South Shore hospital seemed like hours. Praying the whole way that God save my other two babies, but knowing somehow that God was going to stay out of it. When I finally got there and consoled my wife as best I could, I got all the details from Jen and the doctor. One of triplets (my sons) water broke. This is what made my wife come to the hospital. Ultrasound revealed that he was already dead. The other two (both girls) were still alive, but the doctor seemed convinced we would loose them all when my son came out, which he said would happen shortly. He asked us if we wanted to induce labor to just get it all over with. We asked if there was any chance that the other two could somehow not be born and just the one could come out. He said it was remotely possible but recommended just evacuating them all, as he put it. I could not believe what he was saying. There was a chance that we can save my daughters but we shouldn’t even try? I am not a great judge of character sometimes, but this guy just looked stupid to me. His demeanor, the way he spoke, his expressions. They just were not that of a confident, intelligent doctor. Not that it mattered anyway. If there was any chance of saving the girls, we were going to do it. So we insisted we were not going to evacuate anyone, and we would just wait it out and see what happens. They moved Jen toa private room and we began the wait. Jen layed there while I sat beside her, waiting for our dead son to be born, and praying he wouldn't bring his sisters with him. I have never felt so powerless. The woman of my dreams was laying there with her dreams falling apart. Her son taken from her, but his body left for her to deliver. I cried with her, thats all I could do. It wasn’t but a few hours later, Jen said she felt something as she was going to the bathroom. I had hoped I would have more time to contemplate what was happening, but I also wanted to get it over with. It was a relatively easy birth that took about 45 minutes to get him out. All the while we didn’t know if all three were coming or just one. We also had no idea what he would look like only being 19 weeks. Seth was still born that night. Jen and I took turns holding him, talking to him. We each told him how much we wanted him and how sorry we were that he didn't even have a chance. We even had pictures taken so as to remember my first sons’ sweet face. He was beautiful. That was Seth, my beautiful little guy. We cried and cried that night. We did not let them take him until several hours later. Looking back at it now. I am so glad we got to spend that time with him. They asked us what we wanted to do with him. We could have a funeral, or they would take care of him (which meant he would be medical waste). We decided that we wanted them to keep him until we knew what would happen with the other two.
Right after the birth they tilted Jen slightly upside down to try to keep any pressure off her cervix to allow it to close. It seemed to be working. And they started her on antibiotics for one week. Many times over the next week Jens fever came and went. Each time her fever grew they would bring her over to the birthing unit, because fever meant infection and that meant the babies had to come out. The actual cause of death for Seth was Chorioamnionitis, which means his amniotic fluid had an infection. This would likely spread to the other two, so each time Jens fever came they told us it was time to evacuate the twins. We would always beg them to find another reason for Jens fever. I would tell them I can’t kill my girls unless I knew for sure. One of the times they thought it was possible that she had a urinary infection. So they would put her back on antibiotics and her fever would go down and buy us some more time. Finally we decided that we should stop all antibiotics and see if her fever would come back (you can’t cure an infection in the womb with antibiotics, but they will mask the symptoms temporarily). So eventually her fever came back and they brought us back to the birthing unit. Once again we pleaded. This happened perhaps 6 times over two weeks. I suggested a amniocentesis to check for the infection rather than just evacuate the babies on a assumption. This way we would know for sure and not kill our babies for nothing. They gave in. When they drew the fluid from the sac it came out cloudy with a bluish tint (should be clear). The doctor said this was blood from the delivery and was not good since blood has sugars which are a playground for bacteria. The way it works is they take the fluid and use it to grow bacteria over the next three days. If there is no bacteria present then they won’t be able to grow it. Most often if there is bacteria, then it will grow within 12 to 24 hours. After 24 hours we had some good news. No bacterial growth yet. In the mean time one of Jens blood test pointed to infection. So they wanted us to deliver yet again. They started to pack jen up and bring her back to the birthing unit. I talked them into retaking the blood test. I told the doctor is was an error. She humored me and had another test done. Meantime I prayed and prayed. The doctor came back and told me the test was negative. At that moment I felt that God was finally going to intercede. All the while I kept praying. I told God that if he will give me some sign that these babies will be OK, I will not let them induce labor, no matter what the tests say. Needless to say, I did not get a sign, and I was looking everywhere for one. After 48 hours still no bacteria. We were almost there! Jens spirit could not be lifted. It was as if she knew the future the whole time. Day three of the bacteria test, it came back positive for a very dangerous bacteria. The end was here. I had no more tricks up my sleeve. There were many other things that happened during that two weeks, way too much to write. We fought a good fight Looking back I thank God we did. We are only now coming to terms that we induced labor. What if we never fought? What if I never argued with the doctors?
Jen was sleeping when they gave her the drug to induce labor. I don’t think it could have happened any other way. I don’t think she would have allowed them to put it in. These babies were a bit bigger and the labor was not nearly as easy as Seth’s. But they were both born alive and we actually got to spend time with them before they died. Not at the same time. Faith died before Hope was born. But we spent over an hour with each one prior to their death. We had them both baptized while they were alive. They were absolutely beautiful. They looked so good we couldn’t help wonder was there something they could do? But the nurse read my mind before I even asked. She said when their eyelids are still fused (can’t open yet) there is no possible chance. I could see there little hearts pumping. If you looked very closely, their chest would flutter each time their heart pumped. Never has a pain hurt me so. I will watch my parents die someday. It will be tough. People will loose their brothers and sisters as will I, that will be very painful. But nothing on this planet will prepare you to hold your child while her heart beats for the last time. I can assure you there is no greater pain. You will not sacrifice your life for you parent or siblings. You will however, not hesitate to lay down for your child. I only wish I was given that opportunity. The nurses took pictures of me holding my babies. It was so morbid to have these pictures taken that it made me sick, but I needed them. I needed to know that I would somehow be able to remember how beautiful their faces were.
We buried all three babies together. It was a very private funeral with family only. Jen made a blanket that wrapped around all three. We bought a nice stone with all there names on it.

Seth Michael Fisher
Faith Anne Fisher
Hope Trinity Fisher

This is a summarized story of how we lost three of our children. I once decided I wouldn't share this whole story. Much of it was left out. Some of the painful moments need to between just Jen and I, since this tragedy has made us more as one. I am not looking for pitty at all. Everyone will have some tragedy in their life that may or may not be worse than ours. For those of you that experience something worse, God be with you. For those of you that don't, God be with you. I am sharing this story now because I hope it will inspire people to sponsor our March of Dimes walk. Please go to http://walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=466050 and give just a little.

Predictions

One of the problems of the Intelligent Design theory from most critics is it can't be a legitimate theory unless it can make a prediction. Evolutionist say that the theory of evolution will predict that all finds in the fossil record will align with some species lineage. Younger fossils will look more similar to todays living creatures while older fossils will look more and more different from what we see today. I cant see any fossil find that would not somehow align with something in that prediction given the number and variety of species known.Since many of us I.D.ers believe in a so called micro evolution, this only complicates the issue. I will dare make what I think to be a solid prediction that would only fit the I.D. theory.
As technology advances, we will discover that all parts of all species will serve its origional function or very closely related function. Parts can become vestigial but not serve a pupose other than what it was designed for. All parts must have an origionally designed function. Since all species piece parts are specifically designed to serve a purpose, whenever the enviorment changes in a way that prevents a piece part essencial for survial to accomplish its job. That species will die out in that enviorment.
I am kind of thinking out loud here. And I am probibly not the first to say this . An article from Science AAAS sparked my thinking http://sciencenow.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/2006/419/2
This article is not proof of what I am saying. We already know the human brain can be somewhat adaptable, which in a way goes against my prediction. But that can be debated in that I can refrence the whole brain as piece part that was designed to serve one purpose, control all thinking needed to live. the prediction falls in a way that we will never see the brain used digest food. Nor will we ever record that the nose will used to go to the bathroom. Whatever functions all parts serve at present will remain the same or become vestigial.

WalkAmerica

April 30th we shall walk. My wife has arranged for us to walk for the March of Dimes "WalkAmerica". So far we have raised about $300. Hopefully we can get much more. My wife, daughter and myself will push the twins for the 2 1/2 mile stretch along the Cape Cod Canal. We are walking in honor of our lost triplets, under team name "Seth, Hope & Faith". I am thankful that after two years of misery when it comes to talking about our triplets, my wife can finally associate our tragedy with something constructive. This has been very therapeutic for both of us.

We are asking for more donations! Please help us out. March of Dimes does great work, and is a good cause. Today the cut off for survival is about 24 weeks gestation(with some thanks to the work done by the Dimes). That limit could be pushed further and further. If you would like to donate go to http://walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=466050

Thanks to all the guys at Gillette for helping out!

V for Veft Wing

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Just got back from vacation. My wife and I had our first date in perhaps two years. It was nice, dinner and a movie. We saw "V for Vendetta". I really enjoyed the movie. I know everyone always says the media and hollywood have a left agenda. With Fox news leading the nation, I must say that the media is a bit more balanced these days, but Hollywood? I am not sure. I have never seen a more politically charged movie. The theme is that England has become a dictatorship and is now the worlds super power. Of course this only happens after America has somehow lost the war in Iraq and ends up in shambles. The evil dictatorship is run by what was the conservative party that came into power using Christianity and a viral hoax (the conservative party planted this virus in school children while in cahoots with a drug company that had the cure already to go) . There is even a scene where one of the films heros has a forbidden Koran and explains that even though he doesn't agree with its doctrine, he can still see the beauty in its passages. The movie would not be complete without a sexually deviant priest that gets off with under age girls. The movie seems to be some type of warning of what will happen if conservative trend keeps its momentem. The coruptness of religion can only lead to censorship under the guiss of God will, is another point driven home. Hollywood doesn't have an agenda? Whatever. I did like the movie though. It did have that Matrix feel to it, and a very cool twist.